America’s Next Top Model, Episode 6: The Princess and the Air Mattress

The model wannabes “explore” a bit of Paris in the rain and return to their one room to prepare for dinner. This is a problem for the CCOD because the women actually have to change clothes in front of each other. (Where were these girls in high school? Nobody had to change for a gym class?) My favorite part of this episode came when Adrianne recognizes Robin’s uneasiness. Adrianne screams out at Elyse, “Hey Elyse, how bad does your cooch smell right now?” Heh! My goodness, I thought Robin was going to run from the room screaming, “Take me away from these devil-worshipping foul-mouthed sinners!!” But instead, she’s submitted to more of Adrianne’s vile language as Adrianne asks Elyse, “How do you say ‘Adrianne has enormous cha-chas’ in French?”

Robin, never one to appreciate a good joke (particularly when it’s on her), interviews, "When Adrianne says things that are inappropriate, I might look at her in the way a teacher would look at you if you did something inappropriate in class." She follows this statement with a comment along the lines of her being a lady and she doesn’t act like that or talk like that. No, but she’ll steal a bed away from you in no time flat if you let her. And she will stay up all night blowdrying her hair while four other women, all staying in the same room, try to sleep. Very considerate, Christian behavior - good job, Robin! Way to represent!

The photo shoot the next morning is for Wonderbra, which means OHMYGOD, they have to model UNDERWEAR! But just when you think things can’t get any worse (scary music please), they have to pose with a MAN! Who’s in HIS underwear! And to add injury to insult here, this man isn’t just any man, but happens to be the guy whose poster Shannon has on her wall back at the Flatotel! Heh. Coincidence you ask? Methinks not.

The only reason Shannon has his poster on her wall, in all honesty, is because he claimed in his interview that his favorite book was the Bible. Well, as Adrianne points out later, he also said his favorite movie was Boogie Nights. Heh. You figure it out.

All the model wannabes pose with Brad the Bible-loving hunk. Robin states that there are “some things you don’t like, but you do because of the job.” Remember that quote, ladies and gentlemen.

The girls all go out to dinner with Brad, and later Brad and Shannon take a walk by themselves. This was actually painful to watch. Shannon just has no social grace and poor Brad was clearly not getting paid enough by the producers to deal with it.

The next day the model-wannabes face their extremely challenging assignment. (I refuse to call these “challenges” any longer.) They have to go to as many go-sees as they can during the day using only the Metro. Somewhere along the line it comes up that they are supposed to go “solo,” but I thought that just meant the models couldn’t travel together in a big pack. Or is it a gaggle when it is group of models? A pod? A brace? Hmm...

Kesse gets sidetracked and stops to shop. Ah, the attention span of the twentysomething young model in Paris. Robin finally gets smart and asks a Parisian to help her. It just so happens he is young and cute and more than willing to show her where all of her go-sees are, as well as a few of his own go-sees, I’m sure. (In the end, she paid him for his help - another revelation that Robin’s got money.) Elyse does it all on her own, and Adrianne somehow gets felt-up by some dirty old man. Um, Adrianne, you could probably benchpress that guy. That was just weird.

The final go-see is actually the hotel where the eliminations are to take place. The judges all rip into the models. Blah blah, Kimora thinks everyone is too skinny except Robin (maybe that is because she is too fat? And I don’t mean fat with a PH), Janice is rude and mean and I LOVE HER, Tyra babbles some type of nonsense (as usual), but thankfully does NOT use the word FIERCE in this elimination round, and apparently Beau is jealous of Robin’s “escort.” At least that’s the only explanation I can come up with as to why he would even care how she got to her go-sees. She used the Metro and she didn’t go with any of the other models. (This will be the only time I ever stick up for Robin, but I think it was smart of her to find a local person to help her.) If she had asked a young lady for help, would the criticisms have been so harsh, Beau? Did you have a difficult time finding a young male Parisian to escort you around Paris? Is that the real problem here, Beau?

Time for eliminations... Elyse is the “one woman who took Paris by storm” (yay, Elyse - you get down with your bad “little fawn”-like self). Shannon gets the helpful suggestion that she needs to “be more edgy, less safe.” Gee, thanks, Tyra; I’m sure she’ll work on that. Robin is told, “Engage your own brain instead of someone else’s,” and that door is just left WIDE open. There are so many things to say here that I just can’t say anything at all. So Kesse and Adrianne are called up to the front for the replay, again, of what the ultimate winner will receive, and are reminded that the loser tonight has to pack immediately and return home. Kesse is left without a photo, and this time even the judges are crying. Wow, who knew they had feelings? All along I picked Kesse to make it far, only because she was such a Tyra clone. I didn’t think Tyra could do it to herself. Too bad, really - Kesse was the only “Christian” I was rooting for.

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