Anything for Love, Episode 6: A Horse Is a Horse, of Course, of Course - And It Wants to Kill Me!

Anything for Love is limping along, continuing to tank in the ratings week after week. Last week’s double episode (one being a repeat) scored a dismal 3.1/6. In case you ever wondered what these numbers mean, a ratings point represents 1,067,000 households, or 1 percent of the nation's estimated 106.7 million TV homes. So, a 3.1 would translate to somewhere around 3.2 million people who watched this show last week. That’s pretty grim.

Anyway, Mark and Claudia welcome us to the show and quickly introduce our first couple, Autumn and Christian. These two met at a party and the attraction was immediate. But after three weeks, her girlfriend called her and told her that there were some things that he was lying about. He lied about his job, his age, and relationship status. So, Anything for Love comes to her aid and sets up a phony interview with him at a restaurant. They film the interview (where he continues to lie). When Autumn confronts him, he bolts. He is definitely not interested in talking about this at first, but Claudia talks him back into the restaurant where he admits that he lied and is very sorry about it. Yeah, right. He certainly doesn’t seem sorry, but Claudia offers him a choice – wear a sign that says “I Lied” on it or have an “I Lied” tattoo done on his arm. He chooses to have a tattoo, believe it or not. What a loser! The segment ends with Claudia telling us that after the tattoo episode, Autumn never saw or heard from him again. Autumn, trust me - you are better off without this psycho!

Next up are Tenesha and Jeff. Tenesha has always had a dream to be a singer. But she had a difficult life at home in Seattle - that is, until she met Jeff. They had a great life together – nice little house, dog, everything. But six months ago, Tenesha entered a talent contest (which one was that?) and left Seattle for L.A., leaving Jeff and the dog back home. At first, she told him she would be gone for three months, and then extended it to six. Jeff doesn’t want to live in L.A., but Tenesha is only happy when she is singing. So the show sets up an audition for her with the producer who discovered Madonna, while Jeff is jetting down to L.A. on a private plane. She does a great job and the producer is encouraging.

Tenesha is driven to the airport in a limo, thinking that this has something to do with her audition. But when Jeff steps out of the plane, she melts. Ohhhhhhh. He loves her and tells her she needs to make a choice. She is stunned and starts to cry. This is so unfair. Jeff, let this girl live her dream. She chooses that option as well. She knows it has been hard and tells him that if he cared about her, he would stick it out longer. He thinks he’s stuck it out long enough. She tells him she has to stay. She doesn’t want it to be this way but feels she has no other choice. She tells him that if he had something he HAD to do, she would follow him and doesn’t understand why he can’t do the same for her. But Jeff gets on the plane, leaving Tenesha crying on the tarmac. Life is tough sometimes, but we have to follow our dreams. Good for you, Tenesha, and good luck to you.

Last but most decidedly not least tonight are Laurie and John. These two met a little over a year and a half ago and Laurie tells us that their first date was magical. They have lived together for over a year and she considers them to be soulmates. They were planning on getting married, but wait now - John invited his old friend Bella to come and live with them (why?). John insists that they are just friends, but Laurie doesn’t like her and doesn’t want to deal with her anymore. Mark and Claudia bring Laurie out and then we meet Bella. BELLA IS A HORSE! I am dead serious. A big brown horse. This is the most stupid thing I have ever seen. John comes out and the horse whinnies. Mark shows us a video where Laurie tells us that Bella is one crazy horse. We see the horse bucking all around the paddock; Bella has broken Laurie’s ribs and attacks her. I think it is time to bring in a “horse whisperer”!

We get a little commercial break and then return to this drama. Will John choose Laurie or the horse? Laurie is really serious. She tells him that working with Bella has been hell and wants to know if he is willing to sell the horse today. He has to choose. Laurie is convinced that the horse is going to kill her. She is not kidding about this and he is stunned. He says he never realized that Laurie felt this way and tells her that of course he will sell the horse. They kiss and then John kisses Bella goodbye. Good choice, John.

Only one episode tonight! Sorry. Tonight we are being treated to “Stupid Behavior Caught on Tape.” Hmmmmm - I thought that was what Anything for Love was all about! I will refrain from commenting on this other than to tell you that the first segment of the show was a guy who tried to jump his car over the St. Lawrence River from Canada to New York! He didn’t make it.

Donna Reynolds is a freelance writer and technical writer from Syracuse, NY. You can e-mail her at dlrturtle@earthlink.net.

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