Big Brother 4, July 8: Can You Say “Twist”?

Just then the beams are raised a notch. Jun bitches to us that she was screwed because she was on the end that raised up, and she was wearing a short skirt and she’s sure that everyone could see everything! Oh, good grief, there are more things in heaven and earth than your skirts, Jun! Erika snots to us that she’s a dancer and has incredible balance, so she isn’t worried at all! I break out my trusty giant foam bat and give her a “gentle nudge.”

The HouseGuests are asked questions in alphabetical order, so Alison is up first:

Q: One of the HouseGuests is a vegetarian.
A: False. None of them are. Alison gets it wrong.

Q: More female than male HouseGuests have broken off their engagements.
A: False. Dana gets it wrong.

Q: One of the HouseGuests is a virgin.
A: False. David gets it wrong. As he puts it, how was he supposed to tell - by looking around? But he’s happy no one is because now no one will be uptight about sex! Oh, I think nonvirgins can still be uptight where that’s concerned.

Q: When asked what two creature comforts he/she would bring to a desert island, one HouseGuest said a monkey and a tiger.
A: True. Erika gets it wrong. “Don’t you think that’s odd?” she asks in irritating “upspeak” in an interview. Nathan tells us he thinks he said a tiger, but definitely not a monkey - he would not want to be stranded on a desert island with a monkey! But a tiger, which could seriously hurt him, would be hunky dory? I can tell my World-Nathan/Nathan-World encyclopedia is going to be given a real workout this season.

Dana tells Julie the beams should go down if they get questions right. “That’s not part of the rules, but nice try,” Julie informs her.

Jack tells us he is determined as the oldest HouseGuest not to be the first to fall. He gets the following question:

Q: All of the female HouseGuests said they would miss shopping.
A: False. Far from falling, Jack is the first to get a question right!

Q: One of the male HouseGuests is openly gay.
A: False. Jun gets it right. Well, I’d figured as much from the preshow info.

Q: Less than half of the HouseGuests believe in love at first sight.
A: False. Nathan gets it wrong.

Q: Over half of the male HouseGuests said their favorite female body part is the breast.
A: False. Scott gets it right.

So they only got a total of three questions right, but because nobody fell, they win food for the week. The HouseGuests are naturally ecstatic.

You know. I’m really in the mood to watch a show with a twist involving exes called THE X FACTOR. Got any suggestions? Oh, thanks, Julie!

Finally, FINALLY, Julie tells us that THE X FACTOR is about to be revealed, DRAMATIC PIVOT! She addresses the HouseGuests, who are assembled in the living room once more, and oh Lord, here’s the “Expect The Unexpected” slogan raising its weary head again. She then takes a good five minutes to spit out that five of their exes are showing up, their exes haven’t been told that they are there either, and that they’ll be arriving shortly.

“I wanna go home! I hate Big Brother!” bellows Alison. Funny, I’m not exactly thrilled with her, either. She wails in confessional about how much her current boyfriend is going to hate this! Oy.

David tells them that he won’t listen to their exes if they don’t listen to his. Dana has some serious Carrie bugeyes going on as she yelps that her ex lives in L.A. now! Dana tells us she’s worried that he may show up, while Nathan tells us his relationship ended badly and he does not want to spend a summer with her! (As it turns out, neither of them have to worry.) Jack reminds Jun that she has a double bed and she flips out thinking she may get stuck sharing it with her ex! She admits to us that it’s a creative and definitely unexpected twist even though she hates it. David proposes that they all stick together and form an alliance to toss the exes; they all enthusiastically agree. “Do not hook up with anyone’s ex!” he admonishes the group. “We can hook up; we’ll just still vote them off,” deadpans Jun. Heh.

“Bring them on! Let’s do it!” snots Erika in a confessional. I’m developing this irrational need to want to see her fail. Then she and Jun try to see if they can make out their exes from the blackened silhouetted photos in the hallway. Both of them think they can, and both would appear to be right. Jun tells us she hasn’t even talked to her ex in years. David says he would pretend to form an alliance with his ex and then kick her out just like that; they all enthusiastically agree. Alison wails some more about the situation in an interview and on Dana’s shoulder; Jun notes to us that she’s flipping out. Alison promptly overreacts some more. Her boyfriend knows she’s a little bit of a flirt, so he’s expecting her to flirt a little bit as strategy, but if he sees something he doesn’t approve of, it’s over! Well, there’s a solution to that, Alison, hon. Don’t hook up with your ex! Really, she’s carrying on like her ex is walking through that door with a mandatory marriage certificate when all she has to do is just not flirt with the guy! And if her boyfriend has a problem with that, perhaps it’s time to move on. Simple. Sheesh!

OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, how many freaking times is Julie going to bash us over the head with explanations of the X Factor?!? FREAKING PROTOZOA IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN are excitedly telling each other that five of the HouseGuests’ exes are about to arrive! One more mention and even a Passions character could catch on! Anyway, Julie importantly tells us that without revealing THE TWIST, they interviewed each of the exes separately and managed to piece together both sides of the story.

First up are Scott and Amanda, who were engaged for one year. Scott says he’s single now but has been in four or five serious relationships and was engaged once. Amanda says they dated for eight months and then he proposed, she accepted, and they moved in together. Scott says that within two weeks of moving in together, he was like, “What the f**k’s going on here?!?” Amanda says he didn’t like a lot of her friends and could be paranoid. He says it got tiresome that she didn’t clean up after herself and left the place a pigsty. (Scott, you met Dana, right?) They both agree that they would never want to be trapped with each other.

Next: Alison and Justin, whom Alison says “pseudolasted” for seven months. Justin says the reason why it even lasted that long was that for most of that time he was busy with wrestling and she with the dance team. She says as soon as his season ended a totally different person came out! He totally changed! It was the scariest thing ever! He says they now had a bunch of free time so they started seeing each other more, and she would come over drunk and make scenes, sometimes even climbing up his fire escape at 3 in the morning as he was hiding inside the house with all the lights off. “I got rid of him real fast!” snots Alison. Well, I suppose making a guy hide from you in terror would be one way to do it.