Big Brother 4, July 8: Can You Say “Twist”?

Jun and Jee dated for five-and-a-half years. He says they lived together in a one bedroom apartment until he was 21. She says she thought she would marry Jee; he was her first boyfriend and Korean. He says she was a very Americanized Korean and he didn’t share her values and beliefs. She says Korean men in general want you to stay at home to make dinner, clean, do the laundry, etc. Jee realized toward the end he wasn’t in love with her. She says she takes it for what it is, a learning experience, but it’s the reason why she no longer dates Asian men and only dates Caucasian men.

David says he wants to stay single until he’s thirty. He and Michelle are listed as “high school sweethearts” with no time period given. Michelle says he was her serious boyfriend her freshman year of high school. He wanted to have sex with her but she wasn’t ready. She says he may have insinuated it once, but she told him she was only 15 and shot him down. He says he was getting frustrated and they started arguing all the time. She says he wasn’t even sexually active yet himself if she remembers correctly. He says the reason for that breakup was sexual frustration. You know, between this and all the times he’s mentioned sex so far on the show, David’s a little horndog. Michelle says she was very young and immature then and she’s grown and changed a lot.

Erika and Robert dated for two years. She says although she dates, he’s technically her last boyfriend. Robert says he doesn’t like being tied down to just one girl. She says she found out he was cheating on her with someone she worked with - she recognized her voice on his answering machine. He cheated on her just like he’s cheated on any girl he’s ever been with, he smiles! OK - I’m having a hard enough time picturing this clown being able to land one girl, let alone a whole stable of them. Erika beams that she doesn’t know if she technically got him fired, but she thinks she helped! She cackles and rubs her hands with glee. You know, Erika should want Robert to stay if for nothing else than he actually manages to send her likeability quotient zooming.

Julie DRAMATICALLY PIVOTS back to the HouseGuests. “We thought you’d gone home, Julie,” David cracks hopefully. “No, return to script,” she smiles. The HouseGuests smile wanly as Julie yammers on about how this may change the game or affect their strategy although you can tell they just want to scream, “Can we just get it the f**k over with already?!?” But not yet! Julie will complete no X FACTOR TWIST before its time! First the five exes gather outside the front of the house with their own OFFICIAL BIG BROTHER 4 DUFFEL BAGS, Julie blathers on about nothing of any consequence, commercial break, yak yak they’ll enter in just a moment DRAMATIC PIVOT, blah blah take good look at those around you blee blee new family best friend worst enemy bleh bleh other eight in already with food blar blar EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED! THE X FACTOR! Yak yak GO! There - I literally just saved you six minutes of your life. PayPal donations of gratitude accepted at JuliePutAFreakingSockInIt@ForTheLoveOfGod.com.

Jun is the first to see her ex as Jee enters the living room and asks everyone what’s up. It’s actually quite funny: as each one of the five already in the house see their exes enter, they bury their face in their hands. It’s like an ad for SeeNoEx.com. The exes mingle and greet the others. Jun says seeing Jee walk through the door first made her sick, then pissed her off. But other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln? Scott says he’s pissed because Amanda can manipulate and tell people anything she wants to about him. Well, yeah, but so can anyone in the house, really - you don’t need an ex for that. Alison gets up and roars out of the room. Justin smiles to Jee, “Yeah, that was my ex sitting right there.” Heh. Jun announces to one and sundry that she has to go “throw up or something” and flounces out. David introduces himself to Robert as Erika stalks off to join Jun.

Robert tells us that we haven’t yet seen the bitch Erika can be. Oh, I think I’ve caught a couple glimpses here and there. Michelle is very “wow” right now. Well, that’s good to know. David says Michelle is the only ex with whom he’s remained friends, but she’s got to go! Justin says the first thing he thought was, “Where’s the door?” Oh, good God almighty, Alison’s back to the Princess of Wails routine. “My poor boyfriend!” she sobs. Yeah. I’ll say.

“It’s bound to be an unpredictable summer,” smiles the utterly predictable Julie Chen. She invites us to tune in Wednesday to see how the exes fare their first night together, then Stock Booming Melodramatic Announcer #38 rejoins us for the coming attractions. David says the exes are just more people who have to go! Jun gets mud dumped on her! Nathan announces ANOTHER TWIST! Alison stomps around with her OFFICIAL BIG BROTHER 4 DUFFEL BAG and joins Justin in the boxing ring! Alison and Justin plot! Scott tells Amanda to shut up! And the Head of Household is selected! Then, Friday, we find out who will be the first two guests put up for eviction! Then next Tuesday, the two marked ones battle to survive! Later in the summer, we’ll find out how the Big Brother 3 contestants are faring! Lisa did take it all off but you can’t see anything! Then next Wednesday, the first eviction! Then various people yammering various strategies!

Julie smiles warmly and tells us she’ll see us tomorrow, then wishes us goodnight “from outside the Big Brother House,” as if it’s Bosnia or something. And with that, goodnight nurse!

Want to keep up with important events in the house? Check out our Big Brother 4 Spoiler Page for info on who wins contests and other ongoing info.

Brian James is an actor/writer/singer in New York City and the Assistant Editor of RealityNewsOnline. An avid reality show, Passions, early Ryan’s Hope, retro music, and Internet discussion board junkie, he can be found holding up "Will Snark For Food" signs in subway stations as he continues to search for that elusive "day job." Brian would like to stress that his writings are based solely on what he sees in each episode of each show, and realizes that there may sometimes be more to the story and that people may behave quite differently under normal circumstances. Comments and cybertomatoes accepted at BrianJamesRNO@earthlink.net.

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