The Osbournes, Season 2, Episode 15: Mama, I’m Staying Home

After weeks of little or no news to review here in the weekly recaps, we suddenly get two big items this past week. The first, and somewhat surprising, bit of news is that the Osbournes have agreed to film twenty more episodes of the series starting this fall. These twenty will comprise the third season of the series (and, yeah, let’s not get into the whole “but I thought this was the third season” thing; we already discussed that back with Episode Twelve).

It was surprising because the family has been moving apart in the past few months with Kelly moving out, Sharon working on her own talk show, and Jack spending time in rehab. Sharon had stated that she didn’t want to do any more seasons back even before the second season aired last fall. Ratings were also a bit spongy, showing a decline in viewership. No matter; it’s still a great cornerstone of MTV’s broadcasting, so it is understandable that they would want to continue with the program and would throw any sort of money the Osbournes’ way in order to do so.

For those who caught The Osbournes this week, a program followed called Jack Osbourne: Back from Rehab. This half hour special, while light on a spiffy title, was an interview with Jack about his time in rehab intermixed with comments from Ozzy about Jack’s drug problem. For those who missed it, a transcription of the interview can be found at MTV.com here, and it’s worth a look to hear Jack’s side of the story. Many people complain about Jack on the show, but he comes off as very likable and understanding in the interview. Ozzy’s comments are also worth a look, as he refers to the oxy-contin that Jack had gotten hooked on as “Hillbilly Heroin.” Interesting description, as I’ve lived here in Kentucky for years and have never heard oxy-contin being called that. I mean, I can understand the reasoning behind it; I’ve just never heard of it before.

For those who do like seeing Jack in the program, the special is just about the only time one will see him this week beyond the opening credits as he appears only briefly in the fifteenth episode of the season. Everyone else has more camera time, including the assistants, although they are all over the place and half of them on the other coast as well.

The episode begins with Ozzy in the kitchen. He has decided to have some “strawberry pudding,” and pulls out a microwavable can of strawberry jam. He cannot, however, get the can opener to work no matter how he struggles with it. To be honest, this was a bit nerve-racking to watch, as I once watched my mother rip open her hand with an electric can opener, requiring multiple stitches; so watching a jittery Ozzy fiddle with the can opener just had me waiting for a disaster to take place. Fortunately, that is not the case, as he finally gives up and walks away.

After the opening credits, we see Ozzy walking up to Sharon to let her know that he has decided not to go with her to New York. Sharon is a little upset. She wants Ozzy to “get out of the bunker.” Ozzy, on the other hand, feels that “it’s my bunker,” and he can stay if he wants to.

The rest of the household is informed and seems to be in a mild panic about it. Tony, Ozzy’s assistant (who is misnamed in the captioning at this point), is surprised; as it means that he is not going to New York either. In other words, where Ozzy goes, so does the assistant. Melinda, meanwhile, is carrying around one of the dogs in a little pouch and repeating to everyone within earshot that she is pregnant.

At first, it appears that Melinda is bucking for a Section Eight in order to get out of the house, especially when she keeps looking at the dog while talking about being pregnant. However, Melinda tells the camera that she had been wanting children for a while and realized six months ago that the time was right, so she is actually pregnant.

Sharon, Melinda, Jack, and Kelly leave to go on their trip to New York. Ozzy is happy, exclaiming, “I’m free,” after the group heads out. He is next seen washing his hair, putting on his jewelry, looking sharp… and then sitting like a lump out in the garden, bored to tears. Meanwhile, music from Rob’s room can be heard as a hidden camera shows Rob dancing around to the music. Ozzy looks a bit annoyed.

In New York, the group is staying at the Peninsula, where Sharon tries to play nursemaid to Melinda. Sharon offers to have one of the dogs comfort Melinda during the pregnancy. They both jokingly mention that if the baby did “come out” that the dog would lunge and bite the baby, however.

Back on the West Coast, Ozzy plays with the control box for the television. He ends up on the “sex channel,” and is frustrated that the television seems to always land there when he’s changing channels. On the other hand, as Ozzy states, “At least it’s better than the [bleeping] Weather Channel.”

Back at the Peninsula, Jack sits with Melinda on the bed and tells her that if his first child were a girl, he would try to make sure that the second was a boy. Of course, the jokes about Jack not really being alone in that decision are obvious, but everyone who is watching knows what he is trying to say, and we’ll let this one go. Jack tells Melinda that she really needs to study up on “all that pregnancy [bleep],” and we next see Melinda look at The Idiot’s Guide To Pregnancy. Well, you’ve got to start somewhere.

Ozzy calls Sharon, asking her when she will be coming home. Sharon gets sidetracked while talking to Ozzy and begins talking to the dog. Ozzy is frustrated about the phone conversation. “She does this to me all the [bleeping] time,” Ozzy says, pointing out that he’ll be talking to her and suddenly she will be talking to someone else right in the middle of their conversation.

Later, back at the house, Ozzy sorts through a table full of U.S. dollars. As he does so, he mentions that unlike other countries, U.S. denomination is all the same size, just with different values. “How do blind people deal with it?” Ozzy asks, as he continues to sort through the money.

After that, Ozzy is seen commentating as their dog, Sparky, tries to hump one of the other dogs. Ozzy follows that up with a word search puzzle. After a brief respite to New York, where Melinda goes through some baby clothes, the cameras go back to the house to show Ozzy behind the wheel of his car. It looks like he is ready to pull out, but that probably is not the case. Either way, the gates open as Rob pulls in and parks in front of Ozzy’s car. Rob gets out and says hello, then moves on. Ozzy continues to sit in the car after the less-than-exhilarating exchange.