Big Brother, July 15: The Great Unraveling

Out in the backyard, Scott sings a song about a “mantroll” as Amanda giggles and Dave performs choreography. Scott tells us Dana is a mantroll - she’s dangerous, not very stable (later in the episode we shall see why he singlehandedly wins the 2003 Pot/Kettle Derby with this remark), and you’ve gotta watch out for her! To illustrate his point, Dana screams, “I’m gonna blow this whole house up!” to Jun in the kitchen. “She’s a superhero for the new millennium!” Scott continues. “Is she a man? Is she a troll?” Amanda says she doesn’t know if Dana knows. She does, however, make sure that Jun knows, explaining that it’s “a man who looks like a troll” as Jun paints her nails. Jun laughs and says that’s the most f**ked up thing she’s ever heard, then promptly runs and tells Dana, who then bitches about it to Jack and Erika, who tell the turtles, who tell the Powerpuff Girls, who tell… In any event, as Scott wanders around the backyard braying, “Mantroll! Come in, mantroll!”, Dana tells us she’s still a girl even if she’s not trying to be a girly girl, and that if you mess with her you gotta go! She rages to Jun and Nathan in the hammock that if she wins head of household next week, he’s the first one out! The Anvil of Foreshadowing politely waves hello from the corner.

More WACKY VIGNETTES! Jack and Erika wake up early and Jack notes that he was surprised to see Erika turn into a one-woman cleaning dynamo. Sure enough, she dons a tiny red polka dotted bikini and shades and cleans the toilet! The counter! The table! The sink! The bathtub! The backyard! In fast-mo! All to music that sounds suspiciously close to “Simply Irresistible” by Robert Palmer. “If you’re gonna have a maid, you ain’t gonna have a better maid than Erika!” notes an appreciative Jack.

We get a quick cut montage of Jack showering and drying his hair for no apparent reason, then he tells us that from his thirty years in the FBI, he basically views this as a three month surveillance. (“Like, that is the most interesting job I think ever!” chirps Michelle.) He tells us that the people in this house are sophisticated but he thinks he has a make on them! What follows is a bit of editing genius where as Jack talks to us about a person, their appropriate Name: Mock Criminal Description pops up on the screen.

Jack feels his greatest asset in the house is Nathan, whose charisma sets him apart. Nathan: Strongest Asset.

Erika is a smooth, cool person who’s under control. Erika: Smooth Operator.

Dave is smarter than he lets on, and Jack thinks he’ll kick anyone’s ass mentally in the house. David: Mental Ass Kicker.

Jun isn’t tough enough to stay around for long - unless they want to eat well. Jun: Liability.

Michelle is a “girl in a house full of women.” Michelle: Eye Candy.

Dana is committed to Justin and they’re beginning to question her loyalty. Dana: Double Agent.

Alison isn’t a strong player. Alison: Daddy’s Girl.

Scott’s personality could wear thin after awhile and weaken his survival. . Scott: Strong Personality. The Anvil of Foreshadowing does the Mashed Potato.

Justin is absolutely focused and in terms of mental and physical ability, there doesn’t seem to be anything he can’t do. Justin: Primary Threat.

In conclusion, Jack tells us that whatever environment you’re in, be it home, the office, or Big Brother, if you listen and don’t talk so much, you do a hell of a lot better. Jack, can I send you to preach this gospel to about 95% of the people I come in contact with on a daily basis?

Nathan gathers the HouseGuests together in the living room to announce the Power of Veto competition. This year, he informs them (and us) that every veto is the Golden Veto, which means that every week, the person who wins it will have the ability to take themselves off the nominating block if they’re up - or anyone else they so choose. (Not that that would ever happen. I mean, I can’t think of any rational, sane reason why anyone who was nominated wouldn’t use the Golden Veto to save themselves, can you?) Alison, laboring under the mistaken impression that I need the details of the Golden Veto translated into Self-Absorbed Twit, tells me this exact same thing. Incidentally, Nathan looks directly at his cue card his whole speech and delivers his lines quite stiffly and woodenly, which means the casting directors at Passions are probably drawing up a contract even as we speak. Every HouseGuest and the poolboy yaks to us about how they want to win the Golden Veto, and now all of a sudden I’m having images of the Golden Ticket in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. By the end of this episode, I can think of a few HouseGuests I’d like to see get kicked down a chute by an Oompa Loompa.

In the backyard, Scott asks Amanda if she’s started working on people to stay. She confesses that she hasn’t yet because she’s not sure who to work; she thinks she’ll be leaving. Well, she’s just the poster child for The Power of Positive Thinking. Scott tells us it’s embarrassing to admit to the whole world on national television that he’s still in love with his ex-fiancée. He does some other things that are even more embarrassing to do on national television later, but I’m getting ahead of myself. There’s nothing more that he’d love in the whole world than a second chance with her. At this point, Dana leans forward and urgently tells us in hushed confessional tones that she has a bad feeling about Scott: he’s running around professing his love to Amanda when just a few days ago he was cursing her! OK, not that there isn’t some valid reason to be wary of Scott, as we’ll see, but gee, it’s not like since she’s running around proclaiming that he’s out of there she could be looking for ammunition to ensure his departure, could it? Nah - it must be entirely genuine concern. Alison pops up to tell us she thinks Scott would use the Golden Veto to save Amanda. And who asked you, exactly?

Scott tells Amanda that he has a pile of “her” in his closet - photos and things that were too painful to see when he’d open a drawer, but he couldn’t bear to throw away. Amanda looks uncomfortable and this is getting painful, and I was about to say more until I realized I once had a “Bag O’ Ex” in the back of my closet as well for the exact same reason. (I did wind up throwing it away eventually, which I think was a healthy decision, although to be honest, when I did it was because I was moving and had forgotten it was even there. But I suppose that in and of itself was a good sign.) Amanda tells us that she was done when they broke up, but she wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings or have him take something the wrong way and freak out. The Anvil of Foreshadowing performs the Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy.