Boarding House, Episode 5: The ABCs of Surfing Are Alcohol, Babes, and Competition

As this week's episode of Boarding House opens, Danny is in the midst of a photo shoot. He smiles his boyishly cute smile and fluffs his hair for the camera while Myles and Sunny look on and mock him. It's all about Danny this week, folks.

The XBOX Pipeline Masters at Banzai Pipeline is coming up soon, we learn, and previous competitors have been polled about who should be invited to compete in this year's event. Surprise! Danny has enough votes. He gets a call from surfer HQ and heads on down to fill out the paperwork. Danny is both “stoked” and “psyched,” he says. After the paperwork has been filed, it's off to the fitness center for Danny. He's got to get focused for this big event. Danny, have you been taking tips from Holly?

Next we're off to see the third jewel in the women's division of the Triple Crown of Surfing, the Billabong Pro at Honalua Bay, Maui. Chelsea is slated to compete with Megan Abubo. They'll go head to head not only to win the Billabong, but also to see who'll be named “Rookie of the Year.” It turns out it's just not Chelsea's day. She goes down on her first wave and goes on to get pounded by the waves. But it's Abubo's last minute wave that cinches the competition for her. She masters a big wave and does a dramatic free fall off the top and turns just in time to make the barrel. Abubo moves on to the quarter finals and Chelsea must settle for 5th place.

A Day In The Sun

The next morning, Chelsea, VK, and Holly leave the house for a fun day of surfing. Holly drives, of course, and plays the uptight Mom role. At one point, she literally scolds the girls in the backseat of the car. Can you PLEASE chill out, Holly? I really want to like you, but you have got to loosen the corset!

We finally hear a bit of personal information about Holly, though. We learn that she's had a boyfriend (gasp!) for the last four and a half years. But she says it's been weird for the past year because although she loves him, she's “over having a boyfriend.” The girls arrive at the beach, where the waves are small but they still manage to catch a few waves and have fun. Holly remarks that she's “stoked” the competitions are over because she finally has a chance to relax. In a very structured and focused way, though, I'm sure. Right, Holly?

In the meantime, Sunny is going back to his 'hood on the West Side for a day of surfing with his childhood friend Tyson. He tells us that three quarters of his friends are in jail for a variety of bad deeds. Tyson, who seems to have either escaped imprisonment or is between sentences, is there with his son. He says he tells his son to “be like Sunny, but stay in school.” Yeah, kid, and don't beat up so many people - unless, of course, you want a job in reality TV.

Later, Sunny makes a visit to a house he bought in his old neighborhood. It's a humble home that he rented to some family awhile back. Unfortunately, when they left they stripped the home of the washer, the cabinets, and all manner of things one would normally leave behind. Sunny's sister Kris is there, and we learn that she is generously helping him fix the place up. Of course, we also see Sunny slip Kris a big wad of bills with no explanation.

Band, Barbeque, Booze, And Babes

The next morning, we learn that the Pipeline Masters competition is put off for a day due to the waves being too small. What better reason for a party? The gang invites the band Red West over for a barbeque and performance. The group comes over, consumes mass quantities, and does a little show for the surfers.

Myles and Chaney leave the party at 9:05 p.m., but Danny and the rest of the gang party on. There's definitely some liquor being consumed and pair of very inebriated girls decide they must have a little bit o' Danny. The pair - a blonde and a brunette - chase Danny around the house. They pile on top of him at one point and basically seem to be making an offer most single guys wouldn't refuse. The brunette, who seems to be the leader of the attack, follows Danny from room to room saying things like, “Don't be afraid” and “Daneeeeee!” One partier comments, in a serious tone, “What are these girls on?” I don't know what they're on now, fella, but they want a shot of Danny Fuller, that's for sure!

Danny tries his best to get away without being insulting. At one point he tries the handoff. “I want you to meet my friend Mikey,” he says to the brunette. Her response: “OK, he can come too!” I'll just bet he can.

Finally, the girls take the hint that little Danny can't come out and play. But as they leave, the brunette makes one last ditch effort. “The offer still stands,” she says to him. Sunny asks Danny how he could let the two leave and seems incredulous. Perhaps Danny just didn't have the strength to go the distance, because he ends up on the couch looking very nearly comatose. He'd better recover quickly, though, because the next day…