Big Brother 4, July 22: Pop! Goes The Dana

Jun does surprisingly well considering her earlier performance, garnering four points. Alison manages six points, Nathan five, and Jack three. (Jack, by the way, has named his duck “Precious.” He doesn’t specify if he named it after the orangutan on Passions, who’s acting rings around half the cast.) Jee scores a piddly two points, as does Robert. Finally, Justin also earns a bonus duck and ties with Dave at seven points. Going into the sudden death round, Dave seizes the camouflage ducks, thinking they’ll be lucky because he was in the army. He tells us he really wanted this veto and that when he’s under pressure, he grows calmer and more focused. He winds up with a total of nine points. Dana tells us how much she wanted Justin to win, but he only gets two points on each of his first two throws. She says that when she saw him throw the last duck, it was like it was in slow motion. Sure enough, we see Dana, Michelle, and Erika watch the duck in slow motion complete with appropriate sound effects. Justin only gets two more points and Dave wins Power of Veto. Justin bemoans coming in second again in the Diary Room. Erika and Michelle each excitedly tell us they’re convinced Dave will take them off the block! When this happened on The Brady Bunch, didn’t Greg wind up picking the third cheerleader?

Dave tells us he’s looking forward to shaking things up by using the veto and getting Dana on the block. In the Head of Household Room, however, Jee tells him to stick with the plan and not use the veto. Dave and Michelle tagteam Jee to try to get him to change his mind, with Michelle pointing out that Erika’s abysmal at the competitions and is therefore no threat, while Dana’s already won one. Jee I’m Completely Missing The Point tells them that if they were to use the veto and put Dana up, they’d be going against the will of the others in the house. Because it’s not like virtually everyone has stopped just short of skywriting to communicate that they want Dana out pronto. “He’s be going against everyone in the house and nobody would trust him,” reiterates Jee I’m Offbase to us. Dave tells him to give it a little time before making a definite decision.

Dana tells us she’s nervous as hell now that Dave has the veto. Alison assures her Dave won’t use it because then Michelle would go and Dave wants to keep his ex inside the house as they get along. Dana further reassures herself that he’d be crossing Jee and he wouldn’t want to do that.

A sleepy Alison wishes a somnambulistic Jun a happy birthday, then tells us that she thinks Jun isn’t all that happy being forced to spend her birthday with a bunch of strangers and her ex. “It’s really not a big deal,” says a melancholy Jun as she pours the Rice Krispies of Rue. When Jun goes into the Diary Room, Jee leads the others in hiding behind the sofa. When she comes out, they all jump out and yell, “Surprise!” Jun is touched, and you can tell she means it because for once there’s no sarcastic quip or scathing putdown. Big Brother presents Jun with half a cake as only half the house is allowed to eat it. Those on the PB&J only diet howl in protest. Robert rants that it’s not fair, while Michelle would love to just lick the top of it! “I’m kind of sad that I’m not able to share the cake with half the house, but I guess that’s what they get for losing!” beams Our Lady of Compassion Jun. “Can I lick your fingers?” begs Robert. I don’t much like Robert, but heh.

Time for another WACKY VIGNETTE! Jun, Michelle, and Alison are doing ab exercises when Jun hits upon the idea of making salad bikinis! Michelle tells us they were bored out of their minds and thought it was a cute idea. In the storeroom, Jun tells them they should use cabbage instead of lettuce because it’s stronger. Alison, reading my mind and it’s COMPLETELY scary that we’re on the same wavelength, tells us this makes her wonder if Jun practices this at home! Jun cuts and sews the cabbage leaves, attaching a cherry tomato garnish to each bra piece. We then get the standard Reality Show Primping Montage that I completely ODed on during High School Reunion as the three do their hair and makeup. They then barricade themselves in the toilet; the guys are completely baffled as to what’s going on. Finally, Alison and Michelle emerge and walk down the Radicchio Runway. In addition to the cabbage leaf/cherry tomato bras, they have Saran Wrap strategically covering a couple more leaves to form their bikini bottoms. Jun tells us she was originally going to join them, but then she wasn’t really feeling it and wasn’t sure if the leaves would be strong enough to hold her breasts besides. The men hoot and holler. Dave sneaks in from the bathroom and yanks down Michelle’s bikini bottom. The cabbage leaves go flying as a mortified Michelle hunches down on the floor. Dana and Jun rush to her aid with towels. Jee declares the “fashion show” fun and sexy and that wraps up Lettuce Entertain You 2003.