The Restaurant, Episode 2: Where Are My @#%^ing Clams?!

Last week on The Restaurant, we met celebrity chef Rocco Dispirito, his head chef and Mama, and all of the cooks, runners, waiters, carpenters, and financiers that it takes to open a restaurant in New York in just seven weeks. We left a very nervous Rocco splashing water on his face, getting ready to greet his first customers.

This week, the Way Back Machine takes us to three hours before the first customers arrive. A very sarcastic Rocco informs anyone who’s listening that they have “three hours, so there’s no rush.” The back of the menus are done up like a newspaper, the Gazzetta de Rocco, and the headline reads, “Will Rocco’s Open Today?” Everyone is scurrying around to make it happen – clearing boxes, sweeping floors, and getting the kitchen ready to go. Before the moment of truth, Rocco joins his staff in a champagne (not Coors, thank goodness) toast. As he sips from his glass, Rocco gets bumped in the head by someone trying to clear debris from the restaurant. Rocco hopes it’s not an omen.

Inside, the waitstaff is hard at work setting tables. Uzay notices that several people have set the tables with entree forks rather than appetizer forks and yells out, “Small forks on the tables!” Caroline, the woman who samba danced with Rocco, actually argues with him about which forks go on the table. He’s having none of it and says, “Walk away,” as he does just that. Caroline vents to a friend that if you put out the wrong forks, you get “scream at-ed.” Let’s hope none of Caroline’s grammar teachers are watching this show.

Rocco gathers everyone around for a pep talk. He tells them that that night is a soft opening. Friends and family are invited for a trial run and their food will be complimentary. “For you actors out there,” he says, (which is probably most of his waitstaff) “it’s like a dress rehearsal.” Rocco then gives a pop quiz on the food. He asks Pete how the chicken parmesan is prepared. Pete gets nervous and stammers out an answer. Rocco gets annoyed and starts picking others out of the crowd and asking them questions about the food. They all fail miserably. Rocco is clearly annoyed, asking if they studied the night before. He concludes his speech by saying, “The mistakes are not the important thing – it’s how you react to the mistakes.” As the waitstaff moves to get ready for the guests, Rocco directs all of them to smile.

The first guests arrive, including two women sporting some impressive cleavage. Rocco seems to know the ladies, calling one of them “Trish the Dish.” Trish loves the attention. At the bar, Caroline makes snide comments about their outfits, suggesting that someone loan them a jacket. Next, we see a woman ordering what seems like the entire menu from Pete. Pete suggests that they set the chef up next to their table to save time. Meanwhile, a frantic Gideon sets the table for a frustrated party of customers. One of the customers tells Gideon that he needs backup to get everything done on time. Gideon finds Pete and has a gripe session about the customer.

Down in the kitchen, Rocco is not happy. He screams that he needs fried food, then yells, “Where the @#%^ are my clams?” He rushes the kitchen staff to put out the food faster. A runner grabs a hot plate and burns himself, which makes Rocco even angrier. “When are you going to be @#%^ing prepared? Plates are hot here. How many times do you have to burn yourself before you learn?” Rocco’s diva fit continues. He yells into the kitchen, “Gavin, you suck, man! Where are my @#%^ing clams?” @#%^ing Clams would be a great name for a rock band.

As Rocco continues to yell, the heat in the kitchen becomes more literal as a fire rages out of control in the oven. Rocco screams, “I told you no @#%^ing fires!” Several cooks try to smother the fire with a sheet pan to no avail. Finally, someone runs to get a fire extinguisher to quell the flames. Rocco gets his @#%^ing clams.

Upstairs, the scene is just as tense. A table full of Pete’s customers is very irritated. Apparently, they waited half an hour for their table, and then the kitchen accidentally gave their entrees to another table. Pete does a pretty poor job of smoothing things over, telling them, “It’s a soft opening for friends and family. This isn’t real.” One of the customers asks Pete for a bottle of red wine. Pete tells him they’re all out of red wine, and offers to bring them white. Was Pete not paying attention at the training when Rocco told them to go to whatever lengths necessary to get, for example, a frozen daiquiri for a customer? Apparently, the customer was there, because he immediately hands Pete his credit card (an American Express, of course) and tells him to go buy them four bottles of red wine. Pete tells Gideon that he’s going out in search of red wine. He tries Restaurant 22 across the street and learns that they can’t sell him wine to go. The quest continues.

Meanwhile, Laurent, the general manager, and Emily, who seems to be his assistant, have a confrontation with Gideon. Laurent and Emily think that Gideon is spending too much time chatting with the customers and is falling behind. Gideon argues that his guests love him. That seems to be true - one of the customers notices that Gideon is getting chewed out and says, “Now our food is coming out late because he’s arguing with the manager.”

Rocco declares that after the closing, they will have a meeting to discuss how to solve the problems they ran into that night. He says that at the top of the list should be firing Gavin. That’ll teach him not to get Rocco his @#%^ing clams. Someone comes and tells Rocco that a food writer for the New York Times left without eating because the smoke bothered him. Rocco takes that astoundingly well.