Big Brother 4, August 1: An Eye for an Eye, a Pot for a Kettle

They make their way out to the backyard to find that it’s been turned into a water plant. Their job is to connect a series of color-coded water pipes through eight numbered pipe rings. Midway through, Alison will turn on the water to make it more difficult. When done correctly, the water will come out of the last pipe and cause a rubber duck to fall down a chute. First team to accomplish this wins, with the losers stuck with PB&J and water for the week.

Jee tells us he was optimistic because he fixes stuff around the house; teammate Dana crows about them having “the handyman” on their team. Nathan and Robert both bitch to us about the atrocity of having to be on PB&J for the week. “It would kill me! It would kill me!” wails Nathan.

OK. Guess what I had for lunch today? That’s right - PB&J. Voluntarily. I used “spreadable fruit” jelly that uses fruit juices instead of sugar and made sure the bread used unbromated stoneground 100% whole wheat flour, and thus it actually was pretty good for me as well. In any event, let’s review. 9/11? Tragedy. The Holocaust? Tragedy. People killing one another in general? Tragedy. People dying of cancer, AIDS, etc.? Tragedy. Losing a loved one? Tragedy. Peanut butter and jelly for a week? Shut up.

“Is everybody ready to MAKE A SPLASH?” demands Alison. Oy. They start and the Cold team, working together in an organized manner with Jun acting as the plumbing equivalent of a surgery nurse, quickly pulls ahead despite having to redo a section that wasn’t in the correct order. Nathan tells us it was the most fun competition yet and notes that it’s the first time he and Justin have actually worked together instead of being archrivals. Meanwhile, on the Hot team, Dana and Jee both note that Robert was completely useless and just standing around unsure of what to do, and Robert admits to us that he’s never been mechanically inclined. Jee is the only one on their team who has any concept of what to do. The Cold team easily finishes while the Hot team is still at the halfway mark. Nathan says the thought of Dana being on PB&J for a week makes him smirk. Nathan being on PB&J after all his carrying on would have made me smirk, but alas, it wasn’t to be. I can still smirk at Robert’s whining about his fate, however. Jack tells us that adversity reveals character, and this is certainly true of Robert; his goes - Jack gives a “thumbs down with raspberries” to illustrate. Heh. It’s interesting to note that Jun was the only one hoping to be on PB&J in some ways and wound up on the winning team. “It couldn’t be a worse week for Dana in the Big Brother house!” Dana grouses. Awwww, sure it could, Buzzard’s Crotch! Just wait!

Jack hula hooping in the backyard kicks off FILLER SEGMENT #3: Jack Is Young For His Age! Erika notes she originally thought Jack was 42 to 45 and was shocked to find out he was 58. Eh, I could see late 40s/early 50s, but 42’s pushing it. Justin says Jack has the Clint Eastwood great shape for his age thing going on. Jack does pushups with Nathan and Nathan tells us Jack’s a stud, which is kind of an ironic word choice considering later events in the episode. Jack tells us staying in shape is a holdover from FBI days where one would get a “fat boy letter” for being overweight. Jun tells us he’s pleasant, polite, and funny. Jack tells the group there’s only two kinds of people - Beatles people and Elvis people! Dana thinks “Mama Jack” is a lucky lady! Oh, wow, she’s going to be changing her tune after seeing the “buzzard’s crotch” clip. She tells us Jack has been able to get “down and raw” with them! We see him telling her he’s met her left boob, but hasn’t met the right one, and replying he didn’t get any sex when she asks how his night was. “Jack has mack!” she guffaws. Jun quite astutely points out that playing the nice guy has gotten Jack far, but they can’t ignore his being a threat.

FILLER SEGMENT #4 (they are REALLY scraping the bottom of the barrel subjectwise): Jee’s Cigarette Addiction! Robert tells us Jee’s the only one in the Big Brother house who smokes. (Amanda did as well, just for the record.) We see a slo-mo black and white shot of smoke pouring out of Jee’s mouth like a dragon. Heh. Jee tells us he came in the house with a carton of cigarettes and he’s down to only four packs; when they’re gone he’ll have to quit cold turkey. He notes that getting healthy, staying fit, and quitting smoking are his main priorities in the house. Robert tells us Jee’s trying to taper down, but hasn’t been successful yet. We see Justin and Alison get on his case for smoking a cigarette down to the butt. Dana sympathizes to us that she understands because quitting smoking is the hardest thing in the world to do; she smoked for ten years. You know, the odd thing I’ve noticed about Dana is that she’s so busy flying all over the place emotionally that every now and then she can’t help but pass through the right place. Of course, after about two seconds she’s off like a shot again. Justin tells Jee he should start looking at his associated habits, like wanting a cigarette after eating. Erika tells us that she hates to say this, but people who say they can’t quit smoking are just being weak. Furthermore, what in the world is Jee doing smoking if his father died of lung cancer? Jee tells the others about visiting his father in the cemetery and that they managed to bond as he was dying. “And you smoke?!?” snaps Alison when she hears why his father died. He admits to us that it’s knows it’s a horrible way to die and he feels really stupid for smoking, and he hopes to quit for good after these four packs.