The Osbournes, Season 2, Episode 18: Eighteen: Angler Management

“You know, I’ve been waiting seventeen years to take my son fishing…”

No news to mention, but I do have a couple of email-related items to mention before we start the recap this week.

First off, I want to thank everyone who wrote in to tell me that Brieann (from the previous episode) is actually the half-sister of Kurt Cobain. This readily explains what she was doing in Courtney Love’s place, and it was something I should have spotted at the time. Although I heard Ozzy tell Brieann that he had met her “brother Kurt,” for some reason I simply pushed that thought out of my head when doing the column last week. That’s what happens when you rush and don’t keep your notes in order.

Secondly, a reader wanted to know if anyone can help her with a question pertaining to Episode 15 (“Mama, I’m Staying Home”). In that episode, Robert is seen dancing to a song with the words, “Want me, want me really, want me.” The reader would like to know the name of the song and the woman singing it. Unfortunately, I no longer have the episode on tape so I can’t go back and research it, so if anyone has the answer, please write me at the address at the end of this column so I can help a fellow fan out.

And speaking of fishing for answers, let’s get into this week’s episode, which deals with fishing on a major scale.

Heh. Fish, scale. Small pun there.

I think I’ve been watching Last Comic Standing too much lately. Or not enough, as the case may be.

The episode opens with Ozzy sitting with Tony and another man at a table. Ozzy tells a funny story about going snorkeling and ending up scary the swimmer and himself in the process.

After the opening credits, Ozzy is seen in the kitchen/living room eating some food. He talks with his mouth full, saying that he is going fishing and that the camera crew should come along as “we need the bait.” Surprisingly, Ozzy is completely understandable when he has food in his mouth. Perhaps part of that comes from being more up and alert than he has in several weeks on the show – perhaps even for the duration of the series as a whole.

Ozzy talks about taking Jack fishing the next day. It has been a fantasy of his for years to take Jack fishing, but things would always happen and they would have to turn around and go back to the dock (usually due to Jack’s friends getting seasick). We next see Jack with Ozzy, as they make sure they both are up to fishing. They shake on it as a promise to the other that they will go fishing.

That night, Ozzy is in Jack’s room. Jack says he is looking forward to it and that he is bringing his friend Tony (not Ozzy’s assistant, Tony, but someone else). Ozzy says that he doesn’t want to have someone get seasick and have to turn back. “Oh, [bleep] that,” Jack exclaims, trying to sound enthusiastic about the trip.

When we next enter the house, it is 8:30 in the morning and Ozzy wakes Jack up. Jack is groggy, making Ozzy fear for the worst, but Jack then perks up and tells him that he still wants to go. Ozzy tells him what clothes to wear for the trip and heads on downstairs to get a muffin in the kitchen.

It’s a huge muffin, about “the size of a wedding cake,” as Ozzy puts it. He cuts the muffin in half, and puts the other half back on the tray the muffins are on. Unfortunately, with one hand full, he cannot get the glass cover back on the muffins. Some shaky editing occurs here as MTV makes it appear that Ozzy is spending more time with the glass cover than he probably did. A housekeeper comes up and grabs the cover away from Ozzy, telling him that she’ll do it. Ozzy obediently steps away as the housekeeper moves the muffins around in order to fit the glass cover back on.

To lighten the mood, the housekeeper asks where they are going that day. Ozzy says he is not sure where they are going fishing, as his assistant Tony has arranged everything without telling him about it. “As long as it’s not the [bleeping] Minnow, I don’t give a [bleep],” Ozzy replies.

David, someone seen earlier in the show, arrives to go fishing with Jack and Ozzy. He is a man about Ozzy’s age, with thinning hair and a bit of an accent. David asks if Ozzy has any suntan lotion and Ozzy assures him that he’ll get some before they get out in the sun. Ozzy then sizes up David and tells him that he’ll need a baseball cap so he will not get sunburn on the top of his head. David agrees that it is a great idea and it’s obvious that Ozzy is really on the ball in this episode. He just seems to be so into the moment of the trip that he appears to be wide-eyed and alert about all that is going on around him.

Going into Jack’s room, David and Ozzy see that Jack is up and getting ready. Ozzy asks if Jack has any baseball hats. Jack, for some reason, thinks Ozzy is asking for baseball bats, but they soon clear that up and find a couple of hats for the two of them.

Back downstairs, Jack’s friend Tony arrives (who manages to get a muffin out and still put the cover back on with no problem). As Jack eats Chinese leftovers for breakfast, David and Ozzy fuss over whether there will be towels on the boat. They call Tony at the boat to see about towels, and when no one is clear about it, they decide to take an armload of towels with them on the trip.

Everyone gets into the car. Everyone except Jack, that is. As they wait, Ozzy sighs and says to the others that Jack is just like “his [bleeping] mother.” As Ozzy puts it, both Jack and Sharon have to take their time and there’s nothing that can be done to rush them. Finally, Jack arrives and they head on out.