Big Brother 4, August 8: Hubris ‘R’ Us

Stock Booming Melodramatic Announcer #38 cracks me up during the recap at the top of the show by melodramatically intoning, “… but Justin, Robert, and Jee were looking out for THEMSELVES!” Well, duh. I mean, it’s not like any of these people are in this for the March of Dimes or anything.

The credits show Dana just as I would like to always remember her. Mute.

Dana gets evicted in black-and-white and Alison wails in the Diary Room that she feels guilty about it. So guilty, in fact, that she makes one perfect dab under each eye to wipe away the tears. It’s hard for me to take her remorse seriously when her body language is screaming, “Look! Look at me! See, I can be on The Young and the Restless! Look how picturesque and symmetrical my sorrow is! Look!” Anyway, she sobs that she knows how important the game was to Dana so she feels bad, but it was either Dana or her because Dana hated her - so she’s happy she’s gone! Look! Look at how complex she is! She can run through a whole gamut of emotions in one monologue! Look! Look, I say!

Nathan tells us he feels like Dana leaving was in the best interest of the house and he was happy to see her go. Jun shares with us that she feels a lot of relief at still being in the game and the 6-0 vote really boosted her spirits even though she’s crying. See, now Jun’s tears, while surprising, I’ll buy because she’s a pretty straight shooter when it comes to the Diary Room. Alison? Not so much. Erika tells us this is a hardcore game where you need to separate yourself from your emotions, and Dana had absolutely zero capacity to do that. “Because she was crazy!” she brightly clarifies. Heh. Justin says it was hard for him to look Dana in the eye on her way out, but she knew that if he voted for her it would have been for personal reasons, and she knew he’s really big about drawing the line between the personal and the game. Well, actually, being Dana, she probably knew that for a few seconds, then swung over to thinking that he should have voted for her because she saved him, then started thinking she was happy to go, then noticed some dirty glasses, and the whole thing just #%^$%$%^ PISSED HER OFF, $%$%^$^% IT!!! We see Jun alone crying on one of the beds in the Love Room (the orange room with the two double beds). She tells us that Dana took the game to a level where no one wanted it to go - a very personal, vengeful level, which is why she’s an “emotional firecracker” right now, but she doesn’t want anyone to see her in “full breakdown mode” so she’s isolating herself. With that, she pulls the blankets over her head. See no breakdown, have no breakdown.

With that, it’s time to rehash the Head of Household competition. Nathan tells us he felt it was crucial for him to win since he feels like a marked target. Too bad he didn’t, then. Jack once again fails to match “obsessive” with “Dana” and goodnaturedly gripes to us, “I need to turn around and have someone kick me right in the ass!” I’d prefer he turned around and kicked some of these other people in the ass, but that’s just me. In the end, of course, Justin wins, Jee squeaks, “Yes!” and Robert starts literally jumping up and down with glee. Justin tells us winning felt great after his string of finishing second. Jee tells us he couldn’t hide how ecstatic he was for the “Dream Team”; Robert also gloats that now no one can take out the “Dream Team”! Nightmares are technically dreams, right?

For those of you who like your points delivered with sledgehammers, Nathan plays solitaire in the living room while we see the Nightmare Nimrods laughing and grinning away elsewhere. Alison comes in and asks Nathan how he’s feeling. She tells us she flirted with Nathan to get him to use the veto on her, but that wound up putting him at great risk. She hugs him and tells him it’s not over yet. “Come on - who are we fooling here?” he responds flatly. She asks if he wants her to leave. “Do what you want - you will anyway,” he passive-aggressively mumbles as he remains focused on the cards. Well, that should encourage her to rally around you. She looks at him in disbelief and stalks off.

In the bathroom, Robert gleefully notes to Justin and Jee that Nathan’s almost crying! Justin says at least he’s being “respectable” by not coming over to them. Much self-congratulatory “Dream Team” yakking ensues, punctuated by Jee declaring that they “got brotherhood up in this place, you don’t know!” The Dead Brain Cells’ Society, apparently. Robert says they’re going to get cocky! GET?!?

In the Diary Room, Justin twirls his Head of Household key cockily as he tells us he can’t wait to see what goodies lie in store for him in the Head of Household Room. He leads the merry band of HouseGuests into the room for the grand unveiling. Jack thinks it has an interesting use of the gift basket but overall lacks some of the imagination and verve of previous Head of Household Rooms. Robert opines that it has some of the fire of the Late Dana period blended with some of the soothing notes of Early Jee. Alison says she gets the message behind the arrangement and finds it an interesting commentary on today’s society. Jun declares that a five-year-old could have done better and the state of Head of Household Rooms in general is going down the toilet. “I don’t think you can even call this a Head of Household Room,” she sniffs. This sets off a lively and spirited debate: just what is a Head of Household Room, anyway? Is it just in the eye of the beholder? Or are there certain criteria that have to be met?

OK, so no. But I swear they always act like it’s a gallery opening.