Big Brother 4, August 8: Hubris ‘R’ Us

I can’t quite tell if Justin’s CD is by the group Live or if it’s a live CD of another artist, possibly the Dave Matthews Band. The cover art is no help as it just says “Big Brother Head of Household CD.” His mom sent a statue of an Airedale as apparently his family breeds champion specimens. Justin thinks Jack and Nathan just briefly popped in so as not to be rude. He tells us he and Nathan have an understanding of sorts that they’re going after each other, and he just happened to wind up in this position first. On the Patio of I Told You So One-upmanship, Jack and Nathan commiserate and Nathan brings up that he told people (read: Alison, apparently) that Justin needed to go - and now look what’s happened! However, Jack confides to us that he’s been pushing for Justin to go since he walked in the door and that Nathan’s mistake of not putting him up that first week has now come back to haunt him - he told him he should have violated the agreement he and Justin made in the Head of Household competition and put him up anyway! Mike and Carol Brady come out to tell them that nobody likes a “told-you-so”-er and to get in gear for the Roaring Twenties party.

Nathan bitterly notes that Alison’s campaigning “like no other,” and we see her in the kitchen laughing and gossiping away with Robert and Justin about Nathan. Justin says no one had better use the veto on Nathan and Alison swears she would never do that! She then tells us that both groups think she’s on their side, but she’s going wherever the power is, while Robert tells us they’ll use Alison for a vote if they have to. This is punctuated by a shot of the moon. Ah, yes, the ever-fickle waxing and waning moon with its associated wily feminine mystique. At least, that seems to be what it’s supposed to symbolize whenever the editors trot it out.

More self-congratulatory yakking from the Nightmare Nimrods in the Head of Household Room. Justin tells us it’s a tradition for people to visit the Head of Household individually to plead their case. What’s not a tradition, however, is having Jee act as doorman - announcing each visitor, asking Justin if he wishes to see them, and informing them they have a five-minute time limit. The editors, on the ball as usual, have ersatz Godfather music in the background. Alison is the first to visit with Don Justin, who tells her to inform the other peons that he will be taking two visitors tonight and the rest tomorrow. Erika decides to get it out of the way and is permitted entry after being screened by JeeI’mGettingALittleTooIntoThis, who shows her to her footstool at the foot of the bed. She tells us that she found the Vainglorious Boy Three’s acting like Mafioso quite stupid and childish - which, she notes, is “obviously to be expected.” She tells them that she thinks she’s played the game straightforwardly and has never lied to any of them. “Very true, very true,” squawks Jee over and over again like some sort of demented obsequious parrot. Justin says that he hopes that whoever he nominates will take it as a compliment for it means that he thinks they’re strong players! My eyes roll into the back of my head. She tells us it was quite humiliating to have to sit there and bite her tongue, but unfortunately they’re in power so she has to suck it up and “kiss some ass.” “Your five minutes are up now, Erika,” decrees JeeINeedToShutUpNow.

Next, Jack is permitted entry and jokes to them that he’s been covering their backs since Day One. He tells us he actually found the whole routine funny and that if you lose, you have to eat crow and whatever else is dished on your plate. “I am eating the humiliation apple with gusto,” he informs us. I wonder if that goes with the Rutabaga of Rue? Justin tells him they’ve respected the way he’s played the game more than anyone in the house because he knows how to draw a line between the personal and the game. Jack, choking down a massive mouthful of the Farina of Forced Subservience, tells them he respects them as well and whatever decision they wind up making. He tells us that Justin is the brains of the outfit, Robert the emotion, and Jee the diplomat, and together, perhaps the three of them have a place in the Vatican or the Oval Office or some other “Machiavellian scheme.” Jack is escorted out and the brains, emotion, and diplomat do some more self-congratulatory hooting and hollering as we see a shot of Nathan fitfully tossing and turning in bed and reading his Bible. Jack tells us Nathan is aware of all this laughing at his expense as he’s right down the hall. Robert gloats to us that they want to humiliate everyone in the house because they were the original targets, so they’re going to rub it in, brag about it, and be even more unbearable, and they don’t care! Sounds like a winning strategy to me! I’m off to check my stock of Pepto-Bismol.

If it’s 18 minutes into a Friday show, it must be time for the obligatory weekly Peanut Butter And Jelly Diet Is A Fate Worse Than Death Griping Montage! I swear, if I were in charge, the next person to complain about it would be getting a week on the Live Octopi Diet. Justin tortures Jee by eating nonrestricted items in front of him with his mouth open. Charming. Jack also relishes the opportunity to eat steak in front of two of the Stooges and rub it in. Erika explains that they’re only allowed to eat peanut butter and jelly, condiments, vitamins, water, tea, and coffee, although bread seems to be allowed as well. Rebel Robert decides to create sandwiches out of condiments! After a Bleu Cheese and Thousand Island salad dressing combination, he hits upon a winning formula of mustard, mayonnaise, steak sauce, and paprika. He explains that with every bite, it tastes like he’s about to be eating something more substantial! This is all about as thrilling as it reads.