Big Brother 4, August 16: Bullet With Stooges’ Wings

Quite honestly, I think this may have been the best episode of the show this season yet.

Before we can get there, however, Stock Booming Melodramatic Announcer #38 takes us back to the time when Robert was a two-time Veto tease, Jun and Alison did more flip-flops than the U.S. gymnastics team, and Nathan called Jun a little snake, ran around like a chicken with its head cut off, got evicted, and had Julie Chen rub it in about twenty different ways that Alison had turned on him. Do you remember those halcyon days of yesterweek, Pierre? The calla lilies, that wonderful little café, and the leisurely strolls on the Ile de la Grande Jatte? Do you?

Well, I’m glad someone does because I certainly don’t. The HouseGuests then climbed into a steel cage to begin the Head of Household endurance competition. The first cage holds six people, the next four, and the last two. As HouseGuests opt to leave, those remaining have to make their way into the smaller cages until there’s only one HouseGuest left standing - the new Head of Household. Exiting Head of Household Justin locked the other six in, and it’s here where we left our HouseGuests, whom Internet wags have been calling “hamsters” for years, but never before has it been illustrated this literally.

Jack looks oddly lonely without Dana and Nathan in the credits, although maybe he’s just grateful for the peace and quiet.

Our brave little hamsters cling to the cage, looking oddly reminiscent of the time when The Brady Bunch got locked in that ghost town jail in Arizona. Does that make Alison Cindy? Ye gods. Erika tells us she dreads anyone winning this besides her and Jack; Jee similarly feels the need to win this one for the “Dream Team.” Alison wants to know if anyone is willing to deal. Jun suggests that whoever wins doesn’t put her up. “If you leave,” Alison shoots back. Alison goes on to tells us that she really, really, really hopes that the alliance of her, Erika, and Jack wins Head of Household this week and breaks up the Three Stooges. Oh, really? So that’s where you’ve alit this millisecond, Madame Butterfly? She tells us she is kind of glad Nathan is gone because he was starting to get on her nerves. Alison gets on plenty of viewers’ nerves, if message boards are any indication, yet they don’t get a say in the matter.

At two hours and forty minutes, Justin asks everyone how they’re holding up; they tell him they’re fine so far. He tells us it’s hard waiting out the competition because his fate rests in their hands. Much like hamster owners offer their little furry friends chew sticks, Justin parades around the cage in Nathan’s cowboy hat with a tray of rotisserie chicken. Much like sadistic hamster owners who hold them out of the poor fuzzy buggers’ reach, Justin then takes it back inside to eat himself, although someone (Jun?) begs him to eat it in front of them so they can at least smell it! Jack tells us it was difficult for him because he was taller than the cage, causing him to have to stoop the entire time and occasionally bang his head on the top bars. Alison tells us she hates being locked up, leading me to wonder just how much experience she’s had in the matter.

Jun asks everyone what they’d do if she peed in her pants. Alison says she’d cry; Erika says she’d be like, “Cool!” Jun tells us she was a little shocked at herself because she’s a lady and ladies don’t do those things in public (I’m starting to think she’s at least somewhat kidding in a self-deprecating manner when she says things like that), but as Robert puts it, “If you want Head of Household, take a piss in here. If you don’t; leave.” In the end, she does go in the cage (Alison does as well eventually although this isn’t made clear here), using Jack’s shirt as camouflage, which is going WAY above and beyond the call of duty for Jack.

Robert tells us it made him uncomfortable, he’s claustrophobic, and then to top it off, the stupid conversations people were having made him really sick - why, he felt like throwing up! Well, now he knows how a lot of the live feed viewers feel having to put up with his misogynistic claptrap and constant nosepicking. Despite Jee’s protests, he’s the first to leave the cage. Erika tells us she thinks his alliance was disappointed in him, but it didn’t shock her at all because he has no patience. He runs into the house to take some aspirin for his migraine, which he says he gets about three times a year. He and Justin say it’s not looking good for them, but Jee’s strong. Justin tells us Jee was the only person he knew would look out for him 100%.

Back in the cage, Erika declares she’s feeling revitalized now that Robert’s gone! She says she can last for two days; Jee says he could last for five, and Jack says they’ll have to carry him out of there dead! Alison tells Jun to go ahead and get out so they can move to the smaller cage; Jack encourages her as well. Jun wants to make sure she’s really safe; they all assure her she is. She tells us that she knew someone else had to go after Robert left, and she knew she was one of the safest people and wouldn’t be nominated so she decided to go for it. She tells them she’s just going to be honest with Justin and Robert and tell them she got out because she’s safe, then leaves. The others move down to the smaller cage. Inside, Justin notes that Jun has left and he and Robert run to see what happened. Jun tells Robert she can’t believe he left so early; he tells her about his migraine. Robert then bitches to us that Jun’s a snake and left because she cut a deal. I’m thinking that if he left the cage first voluntarily, he has absolutely NO right to bitch about what anyone else does afterward.