Cupid, Episode 7: Honey, I Brought the Kids

This week begins as most others have, with host Brian McFayden introducing us to the remaining eight suitors. But this time, something new is added to the mix. Brian announces that Lisa Shannon’s wedding will take place on the show’s finale! (Provided she agrees with the final selection!) Before this news can even sink in, Brian introduces Lisa, who takes her usual place beside her best friends Laura Restum and Kimberly Tarter.

It’s now time to flash over to the bachelor pad that the remaining men call home and watch them deal with the news of Scott’s elimination. Scott leaves a good luck/goodbye letter for the guys, but instead of wallowing in grief over a fallen comrade, the men turn on one another. The general consensus seems to be that Robert is only there to try to further his modeling career (something he has given no indication of whatsoever while on the show) and that Hank may be a bit more sneaky than his boy-next-door demeanor would indicate. In fact, Renda goes so far as to say that Hank is a “Jeckyll and Hyde” type of person. There is also a rather large ant infestation and Dominic names one of the ants after Kimberly before crushing it. He’s tired of her picking on him about his tender years, yet manages to fail to act anything close to his age in this flashback.

Meanwhile, back at the live show, Brian announces the bottom three vote getters for the week. They are Renda, Paul, and Evan. This is a bit of a surprise because it means that once again Ahnuld wannabe Robert has managed to get enough votes to cruise right on through despite panty sniffing on national television and the obvious lack of any attraction toward him on Lisa’s part. Without much ado, Brian sends Evan back to his seat and takes us into a commercial break.

The agony is prolonged a bit further when we return to the show as Brian then asks the ladies which of the two men should be leaving. Neither of the women seems particularly eager to voice an opinion, but they reluctantly agree that of the two, Renda should be the one going home. Moments later the shocked trio watch as Brian takes Paul’s arrow and breaks it, telling him he came in last in the voting. Paul, visibly surprised, says his goodbyes:

Paul: I had a great time, Lisa. I’ll never forget the ride.

Lisa: I’m stunned right now. I don’t know what to say. I don’t understand what America is thinking! There are clearly people up there that I don’t have as strong a connection with. There are people up there that shouldn’t be there!

Laura: We are here for a specific reason. I’m sorry Robert, no offense, but the fact that you are still here… this is messed up!

Kimberly: It’s obvious that she had a connection with Paul. How could they do this to a girl as sweet as Lisa?

How indeed. Perhaps I can shed some light on the subject.

“I don’t believe you are here for the right reasons.”
“I just don’t feel it’s happening naturally for you.”
“There’s something about you I just don’t trust.”

The above are Laura and Kimberly’s most recent comments about good old Paul. Ladies, perhaps you could explain why you are so upset about Paul’s elimination when you have each been quite negative about him up until now? If he’s such a great guy, why were you so eager to harpoon him at every opportunity? Allowing America to choose Lisa’s husband may be a bad idea, but you aren’t doing her any favors by taking wholesale potshots at the men at every possible turn.

In an attempt to move things along, Brian explains the theme of this week’s dates. Each of the men will spent some time with four kids ranging in age from 5 to 13 years old. During this time he must come up with a date that includes both the children and Lisa. Now, many of these dating reality shows make the suitors suffer through unexpected twists and tricks, but this show is rapidly setting a standard for making people jump through absurd hoops. Who comes up with these ridiculous ideas? Is it Simon Cowell who has made himself decidedly scarce in recent weeks? Lisa and the girls, perhaps? Whoever it is should be employed in a venture more suited to his or her talents… flame-broiling Whoppers at the local Burger King for example! Regardless, the lucky first date this week goes to Dominic.

Dominic

Dominic’s plan is to have the children lie down on large sheets of paper and trace one another’s figures. This is lovely training in case some of them want to grow up to be corpse-outliners for the local police homicide division. There is an old saw that some animals can smell fear. If that’s true, they learned the skill from children. It takes the kids less than five minutes to realize that Dominic has zero parenting skills and they begin to run around the room doing whatever they wish. As one child puts it, “He kinda lost control there in the middle.” Lisa soon arrives and a very tired looking Dominic puts on his best face and invites her to lie down on a sheet of paper so the kids can trace her. As the children begin their assault on her, we hear Dominic say in voiceover, “I’m not ready to have kids, but I’m ready for a relationship with a woman.” As the date concludes one of the children tells us, “Sometimes he acts like a kid and sometimes like an adult. I don’t think he’d make a good dad.”