Big Brother 4, August 26: Burn, Baby, Burn… Clothing Inferno!

Jack gets the first meal with Jee and Jack makes the egregious error that the Big Mac he ate was the best burger of his life and I have to disagree. Jack, come to NYC and I’ll take you to McHales on 46th and 8th for the best burger you will have ever had in your life. That rinky dink fried burger will pale in comparison. The only thing that really bothers me about this is that they are eating the food in front of all of the PB&Jers so they can smell it as they are having their meal. I at least would have taken it to the HoH room or outside or something. Definitely would not be having it in front of people. Why, that could make your target bigger.

Puh-leeze.

Later that day, Jack is in the hot tub with the guys and he think he’s safe as he’s closer with the Stooges than with the women. However, the women are inside planning their attack to take out the men and be in the finals. They all rationalize that Jee will win if he makes the final two so they have to do something to take him out, and fast. Invoking the Spice Girls (who I never really liked and never really thought they were that talented and has the Thames really recovered from having them fall into it during their horrible film, Spice World?), they call on Girl Power to save the day.

On to a luxury challenge where Jee announces that they have five minutes to get into their outfits and don their war paint. Now, everyone seems to be able to get into their outfits except Jun, who is in her bikini bottoms, and after seeing Marcellas this was yet another moment where I had to gouge out my eyes for a moment. It wasn’t pretty. Not that I would look any better in bikini bottoms but this was truly a little horrifying. After they were appropriately adorned, they had to gather six clothing items that have drawn the harshest criticism from their fellow HouseGuests – Erika’s pink hat which makes her look like… well… it looks like she’s trying to be a Fly Girl from In Living Color but it’s not working for her; Alison’s white hoochie short shorts which appear to be direct from a Nair commercial; Robert’s red tank top, which I don’t think looks that bad; Jack’s black sweat pants whose only crime is making noise when he walks; Jee’s orange shorts which again I see no complaint it; and the most heinous of all, Jun’s mesh shirt, which, when they showed a picture of her in it, made me spill my glass of wine – that’s how horrified I was…

Everyone must sacrifice these items to the fashion gods by placing them in the fire pit outside on the chess board. Erika is up first and she does a wildly sexy, chest-shaking dance worthy of the best pole dancers before ultimately taking Jee’s shorts (no surprise she took Jee) and tossing them in the fire pit before exulting to the fashion gods. Jun takes Jack’s sweats and just tosses them in and Alison makes a comment about how much she loved Jun’s mesh top – in the fire that is. Jack takes Alison’s butt shorts and comments on how her butt is barely covered when she wears them. Now Jee is left with Robert’s tank top and Erika’s hat and he decides to let Robert torch his ex’s hat (which I thing is kinda nice of him) and Erika afterwards says that she thinks she has another one laying around somewhere.

God I hope not.

Their reward, though, is a ninety-second shopping spree of clothes. If they can wear it out then they can keep it. The men opt for the plan the guys used last year of threading as much as they could on their arms while the women just say they will grab things and sort them out later. Jun says she know that’s never going to happen so she is only grabbing for herself. In the end, Alison turns out to be… what else… a bitch about everything. She thinks it was stupid for Jee to take earrings for his girlfriend. Why not? It was for the taking. Maybe you should have gotten something for your “boyfriend.”

Robert and Erika, however, got two items that they really cherish. They appear to be cameos of their loved ones. It lets them have a picture of their family member to look at since those items in the house are in short supply. Jun actually looks kinda good in her new black dress. It looks like it fits her well and looks slimming on her too. Wow. I complimented Jun. First Aunt Donna on The Family and now Jun. What am I thinking?

After the competition, Jack and Erika come up with a plan to get Jee to take one of them off and put up Alison. It’s a smart strategy and even Jee knows that Alison is becoming a threat, however, when the time comes he can’t bring himself to change his nominees and Erika and Jack are left to sit in judgment. Alison says privately that he made the wrong decision – she is like “The Plague” in the house. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Jack appears to be heading out the door if the girls have their way. But someone else is too? Julie Chen, you powerful pivoter you… you have some ‘splainin’ to do… Is somebody else really being tossed, or is it a play on words – will somebody be “leaving” and then coming back, perhaps as part of a luxury competition? We’ll find out.

Want to keep up with important events in the house? Check out our Big Brother 4 Spoiler Page for news on who wins contests and other ongoing info.

C. Brian Devinney hails from New York City and has appeared on The Sally Jesse Raphael Show and MTV's Big Urban Myth discussing reality TV. You can read his other work on his website, Tales from the City, and can contact him at TheRealityFactor@aol.com.

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