The Family, Episode 7: It's In the Bag

Welcome to yet another round of the fun fest known as The Family. Is it just me is anyone else hooked on this show. I know it got some pretty bad reviews but the drama and tension that comes out of this show is actually pretty amazing and I actually find myself drawn to watching what happens and actually looking forward to Wednesday nights. It’s been a long time since a reality TV show has done that to me.

Think about it – remember the drama around the first Survivor in whether or not the forces of the evil Tagi alliance could be beaten before the final episode? Well here we’ve had the evil Uncle Michael/Aunt Donna/Cousin Anthony triumvirate to deal with and can they be stopped before the Board of Trustees shuts down for business? I’m drawn to this show like a moth to the flame and every week I’m kept on the edge of my seat and just waiting for Linda to provide me with that one-liner that’s going to make me smile for the rest of the week. Remember last week’s classic? “He can’t give orders. She can’t take orders. You put these two together, you don’t even have one good jerk.”

Now that’s a classic.

A quick trip to viewer mail as we had two people try the beer cheese soup and actually said it came out well. Hey, bully for you. I called my mother and all I had to say was, “Remember our most infamous family meal?” Beer cheese soup was the first thing out of her mouth and she blames it on buying cheap beer.

So, last week on The Family…

Maria learned that she was pregnant with Cousin Mike’s love child and was preparing to end it all by driving off a cliff in Robert’s Maserati. Little did she know that Robert had kidnapped Jill and placed her in the trunk of the Maserati for temporary safe keeping before got the ransom money from Uncle Michael. Aunt Donna and Cousin Anthony were being hunted down by a crazed and deranged Cousin Dawn Marie on top of a skyscraper and are being forced to jump? Can Cousins Ed and Melinda get to the roof in time before the two fall to their death or will Ringo save the day by flying in with his helicopter piloted by the indomitable head housekeeper Linda? And will Jill keep them all looking their best? Or will Franck poison the stew?

Sigh… I love this fantasy world I create for them but if they didn’t do that opening credits so Falcon Crest-ish I probably wouldn’t be making fun of it as much as I have but it’s just too much of a hoot to pass up…

Last week we saw Robert turn on the person he claimed to be his best friend when he put Jill up for the board and then Jill was eliminated from the competition. Jill is still in shock over it and even more pissed at Robert than she was before.

Melinda tells Jill not to be upset about it, but Jill for her sake, not to mention mine and the millions of viewers tuning in to watch the show… well we heard Robert say for weeks if he had the chance he would put up Cousin Ed against Uncle Michael and here he was with the perfect opportunity to do so and he didn’t. Jill says this does nothing but confirm that Robert is a jerk and, frankly, since they’ve been saying it since the beginning of the series, the fact that this was not really pressed upon the viewers until this episode is somewhat shocking. Then again, I’ve been ogling Linda so my take on things can’t be too trusted.

But back to the action, we’re in the girls’ bedroom and Anthony has to come in and make matters a little worse for Jill. This is sort of like rubbing salt into the wound because he pontificates that, “As dark as the night gets, the sun always comes up in the morning. Start your day fresh and learn from yesterday’s mistakes.”

Shut up, Anthony.

The next day arrives and Ringo, the human alarm clock, starts making his rounds and, of course, Jill is zonked out and not getting up for anyone. Well can you blame her? I mean, last night was a total and complete shock for her and she deserves a little more time to rest and get ready to face the day. Ringo advises us that the tradition in the house is that the recently eliminated players must adjourn to the kitchen table to take their meals and only players left in the game are allowed to dine in the main dining hall. They’ve started referring to the people in the kitchen as the “outcasts” and Melinda doesn’t like the term but Anthony actually says something that makes total sense – they’re out of the running for the money and they have been cast out. Ergo… outcast! I know… these words coming out of Anthony’s mouth and they actually make sense and show he does have a modicum of intelligence. Shocking indeed.

Ringo, though, has to play the stupid servant and listen to everyone talk about the last elimination. He asks about who was sent up to the board, who won, who was eliminated. Interesting to note that Aunt Donna says that the entire process from nomination to elimination takes about three hours when George says they only have an hour to deliberate. I wonder how long they deliberated on Aunt Donna. Three, maybe four minutes. Ringo is trying hard to play dumb about the whole entire affair and comes up with an excuse that he’s just there doing his job so it’s hard for him to remember that there is a game going on at the same time. Sure it is, Ringo. Sure it is. Ringo, love ya babycakes, but let me tell ya this… you’re not winning any Emmy awards with this performance.