Big Brother 4, August 29: Where in the World Is Jun?

Hold on tight and we’ll just zip right through this episode, because quite frankly, I think it’s the most easily summarized without losing any interesting details out of any episode of any show I’ve ever recapped. Honestly? They should have postponed this episode until Saturday, because with Jun still gone and no nominations, everything was s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d beyond belief as a result. You’ll see what I mean.

“Alison was still a wild card!” trumpets Stock Booming Melodramatic Announcer #38. That’s not the first descriptive phrase I would have chosen for her, but to each his own. Once again, Jun and Alison vote to evict Jack and Robert votes to “evick” Erika, whatever that may be. After Jack is sent packing, Jee laments to us that he’s disappointed, especially in Alison, and that this is the second time he nominated Erika as Head of Household thinking she’d be evicted and the vote went a different way. Erika laughs to us that she must be in Jee’s nightmares at this point! She tells us she whispered to Jack on the way out that Robert and Jee had tried to threaten Alison into voting Erika out, just in case that information might be useful later. While she’s sad to see Jack go, she did tell him that she would do whatever she had to do to stay in the house. Alison crows to us that Jack’s eviction was both a shock for the Stooges and quite a victory for the “Angels.” Is that what Alison, Jun, and Erika are calling themselves? Gag.

Alison apologizes to Robert and Jee; Robert tells her he would have done the same thing. Then, a little later, he tells her that while it was a good move, she needs to get away from him because he doesn’t want to talk to her - some other day, perhaps, but not now. He’s too upset and he refuses to be fake about it! She tells him that while she knows he’s upset, it’s a game and it was a strategic move. St. Robert yaks some more about how he’s not like everybody else and he can’t fake it! Why not? I’m sure most of the women he’s been with have had to.

Alison leaves him alone. Robert then bitches to us that it’s not fair that these “evil women” are winning the game! In the bathroom, he rants and raves to Jee about it, saying that’s what they get for keeping girls in and they should have taken all of “those bitches” out. St. Robert the Noble then bitches to us that he guesses that the more evil you are, and the more you lie, and the bigger scumbag you are, the better you do in this game! Funny; he doesn’t seem to be doing all that well at the moment. “It’s not meant for us to win,” he laments to Jee in the backyard, and proceeds to call Jun, Alison, and Erika “f**king whores” and “three sluts who don’t deserve it” for good measure. Hey! He’s being awfully harsh on Erika and Jun, there! “They’re shallow! They’re evil!” he rants to us. Why, he’s never seen any good in them! Now he’s back to ranting to Jee about how they’re evil bitches and only evil people can win this game! Jee points out that they still have to live with them, but Robert isn’t eating with them and will stay outside to avoid them! All he needs is to divide the house with colored tape and then he’ll officially be an extremely foul-mouthed, misogynistic, overgrown version of Bobby on The Brady Bunch. Jee tells us that based on this overwhelming display of vitriol, he thinks Robert may have some underlying hidden anger regarding women. YA THINK?!? Oh well. I mean, it’s not like Robert has a daughter who watches the show and could get some extremely confusing signals from her father’s misogyny or anything. I would like to thank the editors, however, for finally abandoning the pretext of trying to show Robert in a positive light and letting the television audience see the kind of hateful ass he’s been on the live feeds pretty much since day one.

We see the Head of Household competition again and Erika tells us she really wanted to win, while Robert claims to have known every answer but wasn’t fast enough with the buzzer. Sure. Alison’s tells us she’s ecstatic because she has a secret alliance with Jun and is confident she’s safe. Why, they’re going to clean house, she crows! If she’s that excited about housework, it must be boring in there. (Yes, I’m being facetious. There’s no need to email me to tell me what Alison really meant.) Robert admits full responsibility for his losing the competition, which is good, but then he’s right back to yammering about how he needs to win the veto because those girls aren’t taking him or Jee out! Oh, good God, why doesn’t he just build a He Man Women Haters Clubhouse and get it over with?

Julie Chen yammers about EXPECTING THE UNEXPECTED and Jun disappears through the Diary Room again. Jee hopefully tells us he had hoped the unexpected could benefit him in some way. Nice try. The HouseGuests get more and more antsy about what’s going on with Jun as we hear clock ticking sound effects; finally, Alison enters the Diary Room and announces Jun has flown the coop! Robert sums up the mood by telling us they were all nervous because they had no idea what happened to Jun or if or when she was coming back. “Where’s Jun?” Erika whispers to a window. Alison tells us she’s sure whatever’s behind Jun’s disappearance will lead to her being stuck on PB&J for another week! Heh. She posits to Erika that maybe Jun is in a limo being taken to a restaurant where Bob, her ex, is waiting for her. The beach and the movies are thrown out as other possibilities. “Where is our Asian princess?” wonders Alison.

They go out to the backyard to find a “MISSING” poster of Jun and a huge apple marked “Clue #1.” They learn that to win the Golden Power of Veto this week, they must decipher this and two other clues to figure out Jun’s location - both the specific location and the city. Once they’ve figured it out, they have to ring the bell placed on the basketball court and write their answer down in the Diary Room. If two people guess correctly, whoever rings the bell first wins. If no one guesses correctly, Jun wins.