‘Who Wants To Marry My Dad’ Reunion: Reunited, and It Feels So Good

How far would you go to find true love?

More importantly, how far would you go to extend a summer ratings winner when the series – unfortunately – is already over?

I can’t speak to the first question, but as for the second, I’d say the answer is: pretty damn far.

I make this leap of faith simply because last night’s reunion show of Who Wants To Marry My Dad marked the very first time the Meet My Folks/Marry My Dad brain trust had to hire a host. Yes, that’s right, this time there’d be no monkeys delivering instructions, and no bad facts stuck in a bakery box or flown over a beach on a banner plane.

We’re talking about a bonafide reunion show here, and it calls for a real live host to help us relive all those wonderful Marry My Dad moments. You know, those moments that we first experienced just a few weeks ago, when the four Mueller kids put their heads together and chose a new wife for their dad, Don.

In addition to revisiting good times, we are also going to find out what happened to the Mueller kids, as well as all the women that Don never got permission to propose to. So, we really do need a host; a living, breathing person to escort us through this wonderland of emotions and nostalgia.

That is why we’re seeing Mario Lopez on our TV screen, who tells us to be sure to stay tuned until the end of the show, when a surprise announcement will be made. (“What?” says my husband, “Is Nick getting his own series?”) The Reunion is taking place in a lovely theater, complete with the prerequisite live audience, which applauds and laughs in all the right places. Obviously, this is an audience that knows its Marry My Dad folklore.

The first thing Mario does (after plugging the show’s “big announcement”) is to bring out the four Mueller kids. “And they’re just as good looking in person!” Mario assures us. Like the rest of America, I’m quite relieved to hear this.

Mario first asks the kids, “Why in the world did you ever get involved in something like this?” “For our wonderful dad,” the kids tell respond. “We wanted to give something back to the man who had given us so much.”

No time to ask why they just didn’t get him a nice wallet, because Mario now introduces the seven finalists – the women who didn’t get a proposal from Don. It’s a major hug-fest between the Mueller kids and the women (minus the show’s first “bootee,” The Christie No One Remembers – who never got to meet Don, anyway).

After everyone settles down in their assigned seats – Muellers on one side of the stage, rejected women on the other – there’s a brief discussion on how hard it was for the kids to watch their dad date. Personally, I think the mere mention of it would have been enough, but no… Mario has to say, “Let’s take a look back!” Oh God, Mario… don’t make us live through this again!

Too late. We are all forced to watch the clips of Karla, Joe, Chris, and especially Heidi, groan and squeal with embarrassment as they see their dad on closed circuit TV kiss the various contestants.

Of course, there’s a box in the lower left hand corner of the screen, so we can watch the kids watch themselves watching their dad make out with the women. We’ve officially descended into a hellish Reality TV Hall of Mirrors. And yet, I can’t turn away.

Christy, the runner up, tell us that had she but known she would be watched via closed circuit TV, she would have changed her demeanor and her bathing suit entirely. And sucked up to the kids a whole lot more.

But there’s no time for regrets, because Mario now introduces the couple of the hour, Don and his intended, Christena. Major applause and squeals for both of them from the audience when they come on stage.

As Don and Christena hold hands, Mario asks Don, “What were you thinking?” Don replies, “I trust my children, and they came through for me.” We then watch more clips from the show, tracing Christena’s experience, from her standing in line, to the final proposal.

After the clips, Christena leans over and tells the children, “I feel blessed to know you.” The Mueller children smile back at her proudly, knowing that they indeed picked the right woman for their dad. Or at least, the woman who said the right things.

Mario then reminds us that during the show, Don and his family made a promise to Christena. And that promise was to “involve” her kids in their lives. So, to make good on that vow, Mario brings out Christena’s children, daughter Ashley and son Joe.

There’s another hug-fest as Chris, Joe, Karla, and Heidi, as well as Christena and Don, embrace the two newcomers. Don tells Christena’s kids, “Your mom is wonderful. Thank you for sharing her with us.”

My husband looks at the TV closely and then says, “This new Joe looks like a white Michael Jackson.”

“A white Michael Jackson?” I ask.

“Well, whiter. Really, really white.”

Before I can respond, Christena’s kids are ushered off the stage. That’s it, guys. Only thirty seconds of fame for each of you. Consider the promise fulfilled.

And then, we hear it – the ring of the dreaded fax machine. Panicked expressions come over everyone, except for the cool, collected Mario. Our intrepid host goes over to a corner of the stage, removes a cover, reveals the fax machine, and retrieves the message. Horror of horrors, it announces a commercial break.

“Gotcha!” says Nash Entertainment.

After the break, Mario offers the rejected ladies their chance to say something. Carol says her strategy was to be “playfully bold.” Then, Joanne and Patti relive the moment when their outcomes were decided by a coin toss. They had been unaware such a random thing determined their fate. Joanne says, “I was shocked when I first saw the coin toss, but I’m glad I didn’t know while it was going on.”

Next, we are treated to a recap of when Kathy disqualified herself on the beach, because Don didn’t want to start a new family. Her eyes moist with emotion, Kathy tells Mario, “The love I saw in this family clarified the fact that I want that for myself, as well.”