Big Brother 4, September 2: Burning the Candle at Three Ends

So… let’s see what we remember from before… did you watch on Thursday when Jun won HoH? Did you watch on Friday when Alison took the Power Of Veto? Good, you’re saving me a lot of time here, but for those of you who have attending summer camp with Osama Bin Laden in a cave in Afghanistan, let me fill you on the update that it’s gone from the Elite Eight against the Fab Five (and I am not talking about the group from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and don’t even get me started on them) to a classic case of boys versus girls.

Sigh. How trite.

Now, if the flashbacks about the veto competition at the start of the episode weren’t bad enough we get even more flashbacks right after the opening credits. Is this just good filler time for you CBS? I’m sure there’s an episode of Murder, She Wrote lying around that you forgot to air that you could throw in as well. Maybe Jessica Fletcher could solve the mystery involving the murder of a blonde, pompous nitwit with the IQ of blackened toast who happens to be locked in a house with four other people. I think even Jessica would tell the police chief that it was merely self defense on their part since she was simply driving every one of them insane. And hell, while I’m on the topic of Alison let me just ask a question out there for everyone…

Is it just me or is Alison’s nose really weird looking? Think back to those Diary Room sessions where she’s looking straight on at the camera? Her nose just looks weird to me. I can’t explain it.

Anyway… enough about me…. it’s time for more about me because we’re getting flashbacks of Jun at the MTV Video Music Awards and I was supposed to be there working but due to a rugby injury I had to pass on the event (standing on a busted ankle for thirteen hours would not have been a good thing). Of course, imagine all of the good stuff I could have told Jun if I had been given the opportunity to even get close enough to her to yell out that Alison was a two-faced backstabbing snake who thinks you have the fashion sense of Cher on Oscar night. Something tells me my credibility with CBS would be shot by then.

So basically everyone is jealous that Jun gets to attend the awards and be a part of all of the fun and excitement. Alison proves that she’s just like Marcellas because the spotlight isn’t on her and since she’s the “star” of the show all of the attention needs to be on her and I swear I am so setting her up for a Hall of Shame nomination that it’s not even funny. I mean, yeah, you can be jealous that someone you know got to go and have a great experience while you were grounded at home because you cheated on your chemistry exam or something stupid like that but come on, Alison. Must you be so petty?

What am I thinking? This is Alison we’re talking about. Of course she has to be petty.

How petty is she (and Erika for that matter)? The two of them sit around and complain about the stuff they had to do when they were the HoH and how it doesn’t compare to getting to go to the MTV Video Music Awards. Erika talks about the dinner from hell where she got to wear that kick ass outfit with the pitchfork and Alison had the water pipes challenge. Oh boo friggin’ hoo people. Do you know what the MTV Video Music Awards are like? Let me tell you this… first and foremost they are LOUD. Extremely loud. Painfully loud. You’re deaf for about a day and a half afterwards. Second, it’s packed. Most of the people spend their time downstairs in the men’s and women’s lounges (and actually for the MTV show they are pretty much co-ed) kibitzing and hanging out rather than actually watching the show. If they are watching it’s on a monitor and not in the audience. It’s insanity at its best and worst.

Anyway, pretty much everyone starts bashing Jun and how much they hate her. Not just for getting to go to NYC and to the awards show, but how much they hate her. And, of course, who is the ringleader of it all? Why it’s Ms. Alison! Quelle surprise. Jun is nothing but greedy and materialistic, she whines to Erika. This is shown juxtaposed to shots of Jun proving why she’s nothing more than a mini-Imelda Marcos as she talks about her seventy-five to one hundred pairs of shoes. Alison turns on the waterworks (which to me seemed a little fake) as she laments that Jun doesn’t deserve to win because she has so much already and that her boyfriend and his family were dirt poor and he has never had a car and how even though her father is a lawyer she’s still not well off and yadda yadda yadda blah!

Shut up, Alison! Hello, pity party of one you’re table is waiting next to the kitchen and the slop troughs.

Do you think this is a ploy on Alison’s part? Of course it is! Nothing Alison does in the house isn’t directly related to her desire to win this thing outright even if the entire jury can’t stand her. If it was just Alison and Saddam Hussein left in the house in the final two, I bet Alison would still lose. She thinks she has this entire game wrapped around her little finger and all she has to do is turn on the waterworks and voila! Everything is going to go her way. There are times when you just want to reach through the TV and give her a good smack.

Erika… well I dunno if she is falling for it or if she is just hedging her bets that Alison is going for the Emmy Award for Outstanding Over-acted Performance by a Woman in a Reality TV series (against fellow nominees Christi from Bachelor 2, Toni and Amy from Paradise Hotel, and the twin diva “friends” from Cupid). Either way, she says things like, “You’re a good girl,” to Alison and part of me really has to pause and think if Erika is just talking to Alison as if she is a golden retriever on purpose or she genuinely means what she says. I’ve never called anyone a “good girl” or “good boy” unless I was talking to an animal so… you know how I feel on the issue.