Big Brother 4, September 17: Bitches, Sluts, and Whores – The Celeb Filled Recap

Cue the next before and after shot of Alison and sure enough she looks like she’s a freshman in high school without an Oxy pad to be found. The audience members who aren’t blind after seeing the before and after of Jun are now blind from the picture of Alison. This almost causes mass pandemonium in the “Dr. Phil” studio but since the arm and leg clamps he uses to brainwash people into believing his pompous rants (delivered at a volume level that people in Djibouti can hear him even though their local TV stations don’t even carry the show) are firmly in place, no one is escaping just yet.

Finally, “Dr. Phil” comes to Robert. “Look at him. He’s happy-go-lucky. He’s playing hopscotch. He’s picking the petals off of the flower and singing a happy tune of ‘She loves me, she loves me not.’ He is totally in control of his own destiny. Or so it seems. Watch as I mention the magic word.”

At this point, the audience, still blind from the pics of Jun and Alison, start to mutter about how they can’t see what “Dr. Phil” is doing but they do hear him utter Robert’s daughter’s name and they hear him dissolve into a myriad of tears and shoulder-heaving sobs. The audience, unable to see how pathetic it sometimes looks when Robert does this, all “awwww” at this moment thinking that it’s really something very tender.

“Dr. Phil” then signs off by hawking yet another book (this one about using the power of color therapy to help you put together the right tie-sock-hanky combo).

Do you want to hear about the family members of the remaining players expound on their offspring, siblings, or whatever you want to call them? Eh… me either. I know, I shouldn’t mention that I fast forwarded through this section but since I never seem to get anything really good (except for when David was called a loser by Michelle’s mom) it’s all been rather bland. I think Robert’s family thinks he’s just been lucky (you mean like the time when Erika was over on her HoH question by a mere six hours?) and carried to where he is now by his alliance with Justin and Jee. All the others utter the standard sentiments about their friend/relative and then end with an obviously scripted line.

So now we go for the final HoH competition to determine who gets the thrill in voting out Robert. This time Alison and Jun must do an odd version of The Newlywed Game by trying to answer questions as their exes would have answered them. And here to host the show is Booooooooooooooooooooob Eubaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks!

“Bob” rounds the corner with his trademark high hair, high eyebrows, and high contestants (well with some of the answers they gave they would have to be high).

“Hi there and welcome to the Newly-Exed Game.”

Jun pipes up. “Um, Bob. Jee and I have been exes for some time now.”

“Quiet, Jun. This is my show. Anyway, do you know why a wedding ring is worn on the third finger? It was once believed that a vein of blood ran directly from the third finger on the left hand to the heart. The vein was called vena amori, or the vein of love, and early writings on matrimonial procedure suggested that it would be appropriate for one's wedding ring to be worn on that special finger. So we have your exes on tape from the Loser Lounge with the answers to these yes or no questions. The winner of this round gets to vote out Robert! Are you ready?

The girls squeal yes and we’re off.

Question 1: “Alison and Jun, we asked your exes if they still found you attractive. What did your ex say?”

Alison votes yes while Jun goes for no. Okay, before I even reveal the answers was there any doubt that Alison would think that about herself? Did she forget all about Dana in the Loser Lounge? Apparently so because she’s the one who gets the national humiliation when Justin says that he’s doesn’t find her attractive but Jun nails hers down for a 1-0 lead when Jee says that he doesn’t.

Question 2: “Okay ladies, did your ex trust you before they were nominated?”

Alison again, stuck on herself, thinks that he did while Jun opts again for the negative option. Justin again gives the Alison slam as he says that he didn’t trust her while Jee was certain that their alliance was alive and he did trust her in the end.

“Bob” notes that the score is still 1-0 and offers up the third question to the ladies.

Question 3: “Ladies, did the guys feel you ‘had their back?’”

Alison, who may finally be getting the clue that Justin’s not into her as much as she would like to believe, opts for a “no” answer while Jun, who apparently didn’t listen to the answer to the last question, says “no” as well. Justin goes three for three as he says “yes” to Alison while Jee, the secret alliance member to the end, also says “yes.”

“Bob” notes that the score is still 1-0 and wonders whatever happened to that couple who matched on the question regarding the one thing that the husband didn’t want the wife to discuss on TV, which was the planned murder of her uncle by her brother and cousin.

Question 4: “Alison and Jun, how did the guys respond when asked if their ex was responsible for their breakup?”

Alison and Jun both say no and what did the guys say? Justin agrees that it wasn’t Alison’s fault while Jee does place the blame on Jun. “Bob” notes the scores is now tied at 1-1.