Paradise Hotel, September 23: Twisting in the Wind

Tara and Charla decide to “practice” leaving the hotel and making the walk of shame. Charla pretends to be Host Amanda and Tara prances up the stairs, limping a little from her earlier wipe out. Dave freaks out when Charla starts pretending. It’s sad, really, his unrequited love for her. Then Tara follows with a hilarious and dead on imitation of Host Amanda – “yhew mussst leahve parahdihse foevah.” Heh. Charla prances out and Tara runs after her screaming like Amy. Hilarious. Maybe these two have a future in soaps, too.

Amy tells us that she wants the prize to go to someone who deserves it. She just doesn’t feel that Charla and Tara deserve to win. Oh, but Holly does? Amy doesn’t think that Keith deserves to win, either, but maybe Dave does. She certainly wants to win.

Tara and Charla discuss Dave’s “odd” behavior. Tara thinks that Dave is going after her and Keith. Tara tells Charla that she knows that Dave wrote the question she got asked at Pandora’s Box and she feels like he put her on the spot. Charla doesn’t know why Dave would go after Tara. Tara does – she thinks he wrote the question so that Amy know would know what Tara thought, so if Amy got the power to choose, Amy would send Tara home instead of Charla. It’s this kind of comment that really makes me think that Tara is smarter than she looks. She’s probably right – that’s probably exactly why Dave wrote that question.

Scott tells us that the women are nervous. He then asks Holly if she’s nervous. Apparently she is, because she is a stone cold bitch to him. They bicker. He leaves. They both mutter under their breath. I guess they are a real couple after all.

Dave asks Charla if Tara and Keith are pissed at him. Charla explains that Tara and Keith think that Dave is turning on them and think that they are being excluded by Dave and Charla. Dave replies by stating that Keith would send him home. Charla asks if he’d be mad and take it personally. Dave says he would – he’d feel the same way if she did it. Charla says that her doing it would be different – they’re teammates. Dave replies that Keith and he have agreed that they’re teammates until the final four.

It’s time for roommate selection, with a little techno music soundtrack. Host Amanda appears, wearing a hideous green and brown dress. My eyes!!! My eyes!!! We get her standard speech about choosing. Blah blah blah. Amy is up first. She walks toward the guys and Fox cuts to a shot of Host Amanda shocked – eyes bugged, mouth open – it’s not a pretty sight. And then they go to commercial. Jerks! Who did she pick – Dave? No, my money’s on Keith. I’m sure her heart told her to pick Scott, because he would certainly pick her over Holly, but I think she picked Keith.

After commercial, we return to tribal council, I mean roommate selection, where Fox kindly replays the entire minute prior to commercial for us. Amy’s choice is… Keith. Boy, can I pick ‘em or what? Host Amanda is speechless and can only say, “why, why, why?” Amy replies that she didn’t want Scott to have to choose and she didn’t go to Dave because everyone goes to Dave when they have no choice. Meow. She wants to put Keith on the hot seat. Bad move, sister – Keith is the Paradise Hotel Grim Reaper.

It’s Charla’s turn. She’s wearing a bracelet that says “Dave” on it and picks Dave. Host Amanda makes a snotty comment about the bracelet, but Charla wants to be with Dave until the very bitter end. Tara is next and she picks Keith. Amy looks pissed. Host Amanda wonders why Tara chose Keith. We see porn music and a flashback of the smoochy, smoochy action. Tara blathers on about Keith being “sweet, caring, and thoughtful.” Whatever you say, dear. Smoochy, smoochy. Holly is last. In a shocking move, she picks Scott. He doesn’t look particularly happy. She tells Host Amanda that she picked him because there have been more ups than downs, as Fox shows us all of their fights.

Then the soundtrack switches to old western music. I guess it’s High Noon at the OK Corral. Amy tells us in a voiceover that she could have gone to Scott and he would have picked her over Holly, but she thinks there’s going to be another twist here. So, she picked Keith. Keith has to decide and although he doesn’t want to send a “good, genuine” person like Amy home, he’s picking Tara.

Amy stands next to Host Amanda, getting much closer than I would to that hideous dress. Host Amanda asks Amy what her lasting memory of Paradise Hotel will be. We see flashbacks of Amy and Zack and Amy and Toni. Amy notes that the good memories happened a long time ago and that life has gone downhill since then. We then see flashbacks of Amy turning into a screaming harpy. Amy says that it’s her time to go and that she’ll miss Scott and Holly. Host Amanda tells her it’s time to check out and that she’ll miss Amy. Scott hugs Amy and calls her a class act. Screaming Harpy Amy? A class act? Oh, ooookay, buddy.

Holly also gets a hug from Amy. And then, apparently, Amy has an out of body experience, because Amy hugs Dave. And then Charla. And then Keith. And then Tara. Amy tells us via voiceover that she’s gone through a lot, done a lot of soul searching and self discovery, and that she loves Zack. She says that she means it. Of course, she hasn’t seen the show yet. I wonder if she’ll love him when she realizes that he may have been sleeping with her, but he was hitting on every woman there (and making out with most of them).

Back at roommate selection, Host Amanda congratulates the final three couples and tells them to enjoy the moment, because at the next ceremony one couple will be going home. Of course, there’s going to be a shocking twist (but not the one that Amy hoped for): one of the six remaining guests will be given the power to force out a couple. She declines to give details and leaves, chirping, “Hahve a loverly naht!” We get a shot of tiki torches. What? I know Fox wishes they had Survivor, but that’s a bit much.