Showdown at the Real World/Road Rules Corral – Gauntlet Preview Episode

Last Sunday was a good day. I watched the repeat of Survivor and I witnessed The Amazing Race get an much-deserved Emmy, shocking the critics who didn't know better. Twenty-four hours later, I'm stuck watching the preview of a show that I'm probably going to loathe in about a month. Why do I do this? For the love.

By the way, you might want to read my preview first to find out about the competitors and my initial views on them. I think I was wrong on a few of them... and the show hasn't officially begun yet. Not a good sign for me.

Random shots. Jonny Moseley: "Welcome to the Gauntlet." Katie voiceover: "I think the Real World team sucks [bleep]!" Very classy. Games in the mud. Roni smears some brown stuff in Theo V's mouth. Cara: "This game has serious potential potential to get ugly." Mike yells at Darrell. Rapelling. Old-fashioned airplanes. Theo G: "We're the Real World. Keep it real." Mike gets off the plane. His first words? "Road Rules, kiss my ass, baby!" Delightful as always, Mike.

Credits. Techno-Western music plays as the faces flash on the screen. Irulan voiceover: "I feel like I just wanna [bleeping] punch somebody in the face." A female player rides a mechanical bull. Two guys wrestle. More faces. Guy cheering in the cockpit. Coral dances in the cockpit. More faces.

Cut to out hosts: Jonny Moseley and Coral. Nice choice. Jonny welcomes us to Telluride, Colorado, at the Wyndham Rocks Resort and Spa, where the show takes place. He introduces himself as the "debonair and most-talented host" from Battle of the Sexes. Debonair? Try "merely adequate." Cut to clip of his cell phone going off during Razor's Edge. He introduces Coral as "most lovely, talented and saucy." Clips of Coral during Battle of the Seasons. Coral talks about how she won $50,000 and how she's back for more. New rules, new missions, etc. Coral: "We got 28 of the most cash-strapped, drama-filled kids to compete for $300,000." She's blunt, but it's mostly good.

Introduction of Mike. Clips of Mike acting like an idiot during Seasons, including going into Miz-mode (his wrestling persona) and talking to Theo with his butt cheeks. Mike took the winnings and enrolled in wrestling school. Cut to the present: Mike rolls around on the floor with another guy, as Darrell handles referee and announcer duties. Mike tries to flip out of the pin, and Darrell gets a leg to his head. Mike to camera: "They'll be many rounds." Panning to his wrestling buddy... Abram: "But we're comin' back for round two!" Confession: in an early commercial of Abram flipping out, I thought he was Mike making a cameo in South Pacific

Introduction of Abram. Of course, we cut to his fight with Donell, which got him kicked off. I don't want to get started on that. "That was a really good experience for me," Abram interviews. "It was a reinforcement of my ideas and my character." Say what? He spewed out some questionable beliefs, alienated half the cast, and let the most obnoxious teammate goad him into a fight. And that was good for him? Whatever. Shot of Abram in a bubble bath with a girl.

Introduction of Elka. She tells us she won $50,000 in Seasons. She's single, and wants to figure out what she wants in a relationship. Shot of her in a hot tub with Theo V.

Introduction of Theo. Quick clip of him in Seasons, challenging people to knock the bottle off his head, only to get a ball to the chest for his troubles. Clip of him losing control of a scooter he just won as it smacks into the curb. Honestly, I missed Theo. You can keep James, dude. Theo admits to having a crush on Elka. Here's my theory: since it's been established he hooked up with Becky and Coral, I think he's working through the cast alphabetically. Theo and Elka chat, and she jokingly suggests marriage.

"Hoo-RAH!" Introduction of Laterrian. Clip of him lifting the guys during Sexes with "RIDE OR [Oedipus Rexing] DIE!" They don't show him getting eight points in two missions. Anyway, he interviews that he's a year older and more of an adult. Cut to a clip of him in a fat suit, struggling on the ice. Word of warning: I'll try to hold off on Donell jokes, but when I get to that episode, all bets are off.

Introduction of Montana. The editors decide not to air her getting reamed out over the phone by her boyfriend, but they do show her getting fired for letting kids taste wine. She insists that her life is "completely different" and that she's changed. For some reason, we get an old clip of her attacking Sean with a broom.

Introduction of Matt. He's wearing a funky cross around his neck. Old clip of him talking to Danny about how sexuality is given to people by God. There's Julie playing Spin the Bottle, grabbing it and trying to kiss Matt. "She's not playing by the rules," he says. "She was expecting a kiss, man!" Old analysis: he's too much of a pig. New analysis: he can see evil in all forms. Yeah, Julie's still on my list. Present day shot of Matt trying to grab a giant blue ball. He tells us he's been speaking in churches as the Life Teen spokesman. Well, better him than Chadwick. Shots of a bible, as Matt talks to the group about voting strategy.

Back to Jonny and Coral. Jonny asks Coral about Matt. "I hope the Lord is with Matt," she replies. "He's gonna need the Lord." She adds that he's one of the skinnier players out there. Well, so was Danny in Seasons, and he lasted until the finale. Coral moves on to Theo, calling him one of the stronger competitors, and suggesting that his loss in Seasons would make him go insane. Cut to a clip of Theo talking trash, "starting with you, Miz-erable." Well, he's not always witty. Jonny asks about Mike, and Coral says that she knows him as "Mike from Parma." She can't say too many bad things about him, since he helped her win the big money. She brings up Abram. Jonny: "I've seen his work." Quick clip of Abram pounding on Donell. It takes Coral a while to spit out that his bark is worse than his bite.

Quick introductions before commercials. First, there's Nathan. Old clip of him smacking Irene in the face with a boxing nun puppet. There's an unwritten law that says Irene has to be showed getting whacked during any preview special. This time, the editors held off on Stephen slapping her. Way to show restraint, MTV. He asks Roni about discussing something rather than talk behind people's backs. Introduction of Roni, or as I like to think of her, the anti-Anne. She says she came to the show because she had no job for the summer. Who wouldn't want to hire her? She's cute, smart, a great dancer, and she was part of the best Road Rules season ever. She gets hugged by her teammates.