Paradise Hotel, The Finale: Shocking Twists Galore!

Limos arrive bearing the jurors. Here’s Scott & Holly. And Amanda & Beau. Toni & Andon. Desiree & Tom. Oh, and Smokey. Kavita, Matt & Melanie. Alex & Kristen. Amy & Zack. Nice buzz cut, Zackie. What, did you join the Marines? The Final Four arrive and exchange glares with the jury. Wait. What the hell is Charla wearing on her head? Is that a head band? What the hell was she thinking? Prior to commercial, we see previews of a lot of yelling. By the way, I just want to meet the person whose concept of paradise involves this much screaming by people desperately in need of anger management therapy.

Hey, for the short term memory challenged viewers, we’re going to get a recap of last week’s episode and the entire first hour. Geez. Fox sure does spend a lot of time and editing money making these recaps and previews. Host Amanda gives her own recap in case the Deep Voiced Announcer was difficult to understand. Charla is the only original guest left and was the outsider at the 1st roommate selection. The guests have seen romance blossom (Scott & Holly) and fade (Amanda & Beau). Strangers have become friends (Amy, Toni & Kristen). And close friendships have died (Beau & Alex). Some guests have perhaps even found love (Zack & Amy). Barf. I guess Host Amanda is afraid the guests have short term memory problems, too. But, she announces that the summer is over and she wants their decision by sunset. Before the jury hears the prepared statements, the jury is invited to make comments and ask questions.

Andon asks Dave to assume he’s won. Knowing all the knives Dave has put in people’s backs, he wants to know if Dave will have any friends left and if that is worth the money. Dave says that it’s not worth it if he doesn’t have friends.

Matt says that Dave has been all about honesty. On tape, the jury has seen Dave talking about his fellow alliance members behind their backs. Matt says that Dave has embarrassed both people back home (in Boston, I guess) and himself. Dave hopes he hasn’t embarrassed himself. Alex interjects and tells him to stop playing the violin. Dave says that he feels horrible. Alex challenges Dave to back it up with facts. Dave says that he doesn’t want to look like a sleaze ball.

Toni chooses not to ask a question and instead makes a statement. She says that Tara admitted to Andon that Tara would screw Charla over to win. Toni thinks that Tara shouldn’t have joked about voting Charla off and if she was a real friend, she wouldn’t have made that joke. Whatever. I guess friends can’t be funny on Planet Toni.

Alex asks Dave if he knows that Charla tried to hook up with Keith. Alex says that it seems like a lot of lying has been done by both Dave and Charla. Keith interjects that both Keith and Charla were flirting and that the trust factor is there.

Desiree asks Charla why Charla should win since Charla lacks social skills, hasn’t participated in group activities, and has spent the summer hiding in her room demanding to be treated like a prima donna. Ouch. Charla replies that she likes to be alone and that she gets nervous in front of people (like, for example, right now). Desiree asks why she deserves to win. Charla says that there are many people who are more deserving and that she wanted to go home many times during the summer. Amy asks why Charla didn’t, because there were plenty of evicted guests who wanted to stay. Charla replies that she couldn’t bring herself to quit.

Scott tells Keith that they were “cool since day one” and didn’t play each other. Scott understands that Keith was a Barbie, but though that he and Holly had a chance because Dave blatantly tried to backstab Keith. Scott wants to know why Keith eliminated someone who was “honest and true.” Keith replies that he stood by his word, because Keith had told Dave that he would never kick him out. The chips fell Keith’s way and if Scott was standing there, Scott would win. Scott nods in agreement. So does the jury. So do I. Alex chimes in, claiming that Keith lied to everyone, gave his word, and then broken it. Keith says that the excursion with Kristen where Kristen threatened him was his turning point and that he never promised to keep anyone except Dave.

Holly wants to know why Dave lied to her the whole time she was at the hotel. Why did Dave tell Holly that she was his “number 2?” Amy interjects, “Wait. I was his number 2, too!” Snort. Holly tells Dave that the lies didn’t help him at all. Dave retorts that he’s standing in the Final Four. All that was missing from his reply was a head pop and three snaps. Everyone oooohs. Holly incredulously asks if he really thinks she helped him get there, because she didn’t. Dave says he knows she didn’t, but she could have. This prompts the entire jury to start shouting. Charla looks sad and hangs her head. I think she knows Dave has screwed her. Matt tells Charla that she teamed up with the wrong person. As we go to commercial, Host Amanda thanks the jury for their brutal honesty. Meow. Score one for Host Amanda.

It’s time for speeches. Charla goes first and says that she’s nervous. She doesn’t think that there’s anything she can say to get the jury’s votes. Dave is her very good friend and she learns new things about him every day. But, she hopes they can continue their friendship, because if it wasn’t for him she wouldn’t be in the Final Four. She hasn’t seen tapes of the show and is sure that the jury members said bad things about her, but she’s not interested in holding grudges. She thanks the jurors for listening and gets a round of applause.