Survivor: Pearl Islands, Third Episode: How Obvious

Last week, we took a look at the sitcom otherwise known as the Morgan Tribe. Well, the comedy continues with the third installment. But this time, it isn't so much the actions of the Morgan Tribe that provides the yuks; rather, it's the inane things coming out of the food-starved mouths of its members. The first episode of the month of October treats us to the obvious: obvious clichés, obvious denial, obvious cluelessness, and stating the obvious.

Let's start with Andrew: First, there are the numerous clichés coming from the "leader" of the Morgans. We hear him say "larger than life" and "mental stability" in reference to Osten. At tribal council, he uses the phrases "strong-willed," "throw in the towel," "suck it up," "do what you need to do," and "check your mental infirmities at the door." Okay, you don't hear the last one every day, but certainly you've heard something similar. If Andrew spent as much time fishing as he does spouting clichés, it would be the Morgans who complained about being too full. Hey Andrew, how does THIS sound for a cliché: Loser Tribe. So far, the Morgan tribe continues to follow the leader, and it looks as if eventually, they'll follow him right out of the game. When that happens, will we hear, "I played with heart" and "I just ran out of gas"? When he tries a case in court, does he use phrases such as "guilty as sin?"

But clichés aren't Andrew's only source of comic relief: There are the numerous cases of denial on his part, although he's hardly alone in that regard. Does anyone remember the old Joe Isuzu commercials, where actor David Leisure would utter a bunch of nonsense, to the accompaniment of disclaimers that said "he's lying" and other phrases? In a similar vein, maybe disclaimers should accompany the comments of Andrew. He may not lie per se in these instances, but the disclaimers would still make a nice touch. Here are some examples, with the disclaimers in italics:

Andrew, explaining to Lill why Osten wasn't voted out: "There's a big difference between quitting and wanting to quit." But only if you've got muscles coming out the yin-yang. It looked last week as if Osten HAD quit, but his tribe wouldn't let him. Yes, they apparently made the right decision, given this week's immunity challenge. But certainly the attorney could've come up with a better argument when discussing the situation with Lill.

"Osten is somewhat anchoring our tribe:" Maybe that's the problem. When your tribe is being anchored by someone who would just as soon be anywhere else, you know you're in trouble.

To Lill, regarding her fate at the impending tribal council: "You deserve to know the truth." That doesn't mean you'll get it. And in fact, during her closing comments, she states that he never did get back to her.

Now let's get to the obvious denial. Has there ever been a sillier comment in Survivor history than Andrew's claim that Morgan was probably the stronger tribe mentally? Personally, I put this in the same category with Heidi's claim in the Amazon that she was the mastermind behind most of the plotting. Andrew sounds like he's rationalizing his tribe's five-challenge losing streak. As for his comment that he can't wait for Drake to lose to see if they crumble: Judging by next week's previews, that may happen, but more by Drake's choice than anything else, a la Jed's tribemates throwing a challenge in Thailand so they could bid him adios. Andrew's thinking is most likely wishful, at best.

Finally, there's his comment about everyone on the tribe being "strong-willed." Excuse me? Your so-called tribal anchor was bellyaching about wanting to go home just six days into the game, and you have the gall to use the phrase “strong-willed”? Well, Nicole was strong-willed, but look where that got her. Oh yes, Tijuana was certainly strong-willed in the market when demanding her money back, but it didn't do a lot of good.

But it's not just Andrew who's guilty here. Tijuana told Jeff Probst the Morgans have a better tribe, but it's just a matter of coming together during challenges. Never mind the fact that they haven't come together since day one, starting with their Hall of Shame fiasco in the village. It's almost like a football player saying, "We're better than the other team; we just don't play as well on the field." Survivors, meet Yogi Berra.

Non-Skinny Ryan gets into the act with his comment that a win is "inevitable." Since when? Do you expect the producers to just hand you a victory on a silver platter? That's what might be known in Andrew's legal circles as "assuming facts clearly not in evidence." And let's not forget Osten's observation that every team goes through a slump. Uh, can you say '72 Dolphins? For those of you not up on your sports trivia, that storied team went undefeated over the course of the NFL season, a feat that hasn't been matched since. Even more to the point, the Drake tribe has yet to go through a slump, despite having their share of inner turmoil. This maybe not be Survivor: Egypt, but the Morgan tribe is certainly in "DeNile."