Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet, Episode 5: Rocky Roads

Well, this past week has been eventful. I’ve been sick. Really sick. Road Rules: South Pacific sick. Also, this past Wednesday, I went to a bar in Manhattan, where several cast members were taking turns bartending. This is all that I can say for now: you have not lived until you’ve seen Antoine dance on a bar alongside some hot women, Coyote Ugly-style. Seriously, the guy is as much fun in person as he was on Battle of the Sexes.

Previously on The Gauntlet: Road Rules won Mudbath, increasing their bank to $20,000. Tonya hobbled with her bulky leg brace. Rachel B. interviews that the Real World team is bruised and broken. In footage we didn’t see last time, Nathan gets pissy, and Coral yells for somebody to shut up. BMP skips past Steve’s win in Perfect Fit, showing Tonya going home. Trishelle reminds us that she is Katie’s roommate, and they’re best friends. Katie doesn’t think too highly of her team.

Mountain shots. The Road Rules women are sunbathing. Rachel R. has a problem with Katie telling Real World about voting strategy. Basically, the secret of the “three two one” must be as closely guarded as nuclear reactor plans or the mystery of the seven herbs and spices at KFC. “Some of the people have a problem with me hanging out with Real Worlders,” Katie interviews. “I’m not stupid. I don’t want them to win. I like them better, but I don’t want them to win.” Tina tells Katie that the mistrust separates her from the others. Cara chimes in about how she was lying on the floor with “my boyfriend” when she heard Katie talking to Alton and Irulan about the voting. Scandalous! Rachel interviews that she’s trying to sabotage the team. “If Katie does not stop running her mouth,” she adds, “she will go to The Gauntlet.” Once again: has Rachel forgotten her experiences with Emily? And to think I felt bad for her back then. Katie insists she wasn’t trying to screw anybody over.

Night. Elka reads the clues off the mission phone: 7:30 a.m., wear team colors, bathing suits, sweaters, sweatpants, and sneakers. Norman wonders if they can bring their wheelchairs, canes and walkers. He interviews, “I have never had this many bruises, scrapes, scabs, and stitches since seventh grade.” Trishelle holds some ice over her eye. Elka interviews that the team is completely depressed, but they have to put on a good face for the missions.

Daytime in Telluride, outside a place called The Sweet Life. Jonny welcomes everybody to I Scream, which is “just a good ol’-fashioned ice cream eating contest.” Everybody cheers, which means that their local leaks were dead-on, if Sarah’s recaps are to be believed. “I’m excited, because it’s better then eating something nasty,” Roni interviews. “I’d rather eat ice cream any day.” They leave out the part where she remembers the days when the RV had no engine and five people had to push it cross-country.

Jonny spells out the objective: first team to finish their ice cream sundae wins. The catch? No utensils; they have to eat with their hands tied because their backs. Nathan is still wearing his dot-com shirt, and Steve still has his “Rozelle” headband on. Jonny adds that only four players can eat at one time, and throwing up results in disqualification. Throw in some nasty cow parts, and this is a Campus Crawl mission. Oh, and the winning team gets $10,000 to bank.

The players walk into the ice cream shop. Matt interviews that RW has three less people, adding, “We have got to set some momentum, or otherwise this is going to be a blowout.” Cut to a shot of one of the massive ice cream sundaes. I miss ice cream. It sucks to be sick. The players come in with their swimsuits and wool hats. They look like dorks, to be honest. “I’m not really sure how much ice cream I’m gonna be able to store,” Theo V. interviews. “My head’s already filled with two scoops of snot.” I think I got three right now. More players enter. Tina interviews about thinking she’s in heaven when she saw the ice cream. Did any of these people watch Campus Crawl? Food in a mission is never a good thing.

Jonny sounds the airhorn and everybody starts to dig in. Roni interviews that the strategy for Road Rules is to rotate with two men and two women. Cara adds that the idea is to take a big bite, then step back. Norman’s face is covered in whipped cream. He interviews about the three-person disadvantage, adding “once again, we have to man up and do it.” Elapsed time: six minutes. Norman looks like he’s smoothing the ice cream with his chin. “I don’t know what happened to me,” he interviews. “I just turned into a raging eating psycho machine.” Jonny yells that RW is barely ahead. Theo V. interviews that the current strategy might be losing the RR time some time.

Elapsed time: 9:00. Some crap comes out of Adam’s nose. Theo V. has a vanilla beard to go with the Santa hat. Cara interviews that some people are becoming ill. Laterrian has a streamer of caramel coming out of his nose. That’ll make you lactose intolerant. “I’m a complete germophobe,” Rachel B. interviews. “The thought of ingesting ice cream that’s been sucked in the nose and blown out the mouth makes me want to throw up.” Alton pukes up some chocolate. Tina thought it was going to be fun, but now, “this is the grossest thing I’ve ever partaken in.” Adam looks ready to throw up.

More eating. Nathan uses his forehead to smooth things out. He has Rocky Road up his nose, chocolate chip cookie dough in his ear, and fudge down his throat. Elasped time: 13:00. I feel bad for Trishelle. A concussion and an ice cream headache can’t be a good combination. Both plates are almost clean. “We have three less bellies in there,” Irulan interviews, “and we’re still holding our own.” The screen splits in two as we go into commercial.