Rich Girls, Episode 2: Party Time!

My duty as a recapper for RealityNewsOnline is basically to watch a reality program, note the highlights, and regurgitate them for our readers in a (hopefully) well-written and entertaining fashion. As you may or may not have noticed while reading my past articles (season one of American Idol), I have a tendency to fly in the face of this responsibility and douse my recaps with somewhat obnoxiously voiced and highly opinionated declarations. Yes, I know I’m not really supposed to do that. (I knew it back then, too, but with my background I just couldn’t restrain myself. Most of you understood, and those who didn’t, well… let’s just say, thanks for the expletives.) I know that I should just show up, repeat the story, and go back to my tidy little big city life. But it’s been two whole weeks of this, and I just can’t hold this in any longer.

Rich Girls is BORING. It’s a boring, boring, painful to watch show. It’s so boring that my reality-television-addicted roommate turned to me last night and declared, “I have absolutely no interest in watching this.” And that, my friends, is a very bold statement from her.

I do like Ally and Jaime, though. From what little I’ve learned about them, they both seem like very sweet, well-adjusted girls who appreciate the benefits they have. That having been said, these two girls are unfortunately surrounded by several snore-inducing people and one big giant pretentious whiner. (Just in case you missed last week’s show, that would be Michael V.)

So sure, I’ll tell you what happened on last night’s episode, but if you start dozing off, please give credit where it is truly due.

Okay, here goes. The location: Some expensive private high school located in New York City. The event: Ally and Jaime’s graduation. Jaime talks about all the hard work it took to get there and how seriously she took her studies. Ally talks about how surreal it was and how her hair got really frizzy and that pissed her off.

After the ceremony, Jaime’s mom gushes about how proud she is of her daughter’s academic accomplishments as well as her taste in shoes – “You had the best shoes out there!” Ally’s dad, Tommy Hilfiger, the wildly successful fashion designer (just in case you’ve forgotten), congratulates both girls on their honor student status. Ally comments that everyone thought she was wearing Jaime’s honors medallion. More photos are taken and more people compliment Jaime on her oh-so-fabulous shoes.

A bunch of Jaime & Ally’s family and friends have late lunch (or early dinner?) to celebrate at some restaurant in NYC. Ally and Jaime engage in a very important discussion about the fish, which flowed like so:

Ally (to the group): “Do you eat the skin? Do you remove the skin? What do you do with the skin?”

(Group): The general consensus is – don’t eat the skin.

Ally (to Jaime): “Jaime, people avoid the skin.”

Jaime: “What?”

Ally: “People avoid the skin.”

Jaime: “Why, is it poisonous? (Pause) Maybe that’s why I have hives.”

(Yes, these are the highlights. And no, it doesn’t get better.)

See, right there would’ve been a good tie in to last week’s episode – maybe she got hives because she thought about having sex too soon, and then we could foray into the dangers of sexual promiscuity at the tender age of… but alas, I’m not writing for this show. (Apparently no one is, because if someone were, I would hope that he or she could come up with something more interesting than whether or not to eat the skin.)

Okay, back to the… um… story. Tommy makes a toast about not knowing that Ally was an honor student and that she sucked her thumb until she was 18. Jaime is upset that Michael V. didn’t come to graduation. Ari, Ally’s “best guy friend,” points out to Jaime that Michael V.: 1) got kicked out of school; 2) needs some sense smacked into him; and 3) Ari will not be the one to do the smacking. Ally tells her dad that they never see her but that she does “totally study” all the time. Tommy says his graduation gift to the girls is a donation to the Ethiopian girls fund. The girls love it and say that’s the best gift of all. (Aawww.)

But in addition to his philanthropic present, Tommy also gives them “a hearty party” at the Hilfiger mansion, complete with tents, a live band, a sand sculpture of a mermaid, and enough food to feed the entire country of Ethiopia for a year. Ally and Jaime discuss how Julia and Michael are getting to the party. Julia rudely changed her way of getting there, so now Jaime has to let the bus driver know. Since Michael is working, he has to take the train. They ponder what to do… do we arrange for a cab to pick him up? Do we send someone to get him from the party? The girls decide to let him figure out how to get from the train station to the party himself. (Uh oh… I’m sensing future tension!)

Okay, switching to bullet mode for the party highlights:

• There’s a monkey at the party. (One of those little ones like the one that was on Friends.) Significance? None, other than the fact that I’m pretty sure that this monkey was not an invited guest and would therefore be classified as a “gate crasher.”
• Ally dances with an elderly woman and her chest ends up pixilated. (Ally, not the elderly woman.) This is because Ally chose a dress with a very deep v-neck front and her self-stick tape (meant to prevent overexposure) isn’t doing its job. Ah, kids these days.
• Ally and Jaime share an “I’m so glad you’re my best friend!” moment.
• Rich white people dance inside one of the tents. Tommy swings his arms around above his head. (Further proof that rich white people – designers in particular – should never, ever dance. Ever.)
• Jaime leaves Michael a voice mail explaining that she has no cell phone reception at Ally’s house, adds a bunch of “I love you”s and apologies and “where are you?”s, then hangs up and comments to Ari, “That was very nice of me.”
• More embarrassing shots of dancing.
• More Jaime on the phone with Michael and/or his voice mail. She says that he’s on his way.
• More Tommy dancing. (Shudder.)
• Ally has her tarot cards read. She finds out that she has a lot of potential to do many things and that her talents will become clear as she develops as a woman.
• Ally laughs at the psychic’s comment about developing as a woman and adjusts the front of her not-so-sticky dress.