The Next Joe Millionaire, Episode 5, Part 2: Cat Fight

When we left our friends on The Next Joe Millionaire, David had just eliminated Giada and Kristyna. Giada, in spite of her threats, did not explode. Paul announced that David and his final four women—Olinda, Cat, Petra, and Anique—would be headed to Rome for more individual dates. If you want the full pulse-pounding details of the first part of this mega episode, check out my recap here. All caught up? Then let’s head to Rome!

David is thrilled to finally go to Rome, saying, “a guy couldn’t ask for more.” He says that they are staying in a very expensive hotel, so the women will surely be impressed. The women have a grand entrance of their own—when they pull up in limos surrounded by cameras, they attract paparazzi. The women mug for the cameras and seem to be enjoying the attention, but they end up having to enter the hotel through a back entrance. Apparently these paparazzi are easily outwitted.

In the hotel, Paul welcomes them and offers to show them to their rooms. Olinda immediately demands the best room. Paul privately says that he thinks that the limos, jewelry, and photographers are going to their heads. There is some conflict about who will stay in which rooms. Olinda wants to stay next to Anique and tells Petra that it’s because Anique is her best friend and that Petra is out of the loop. It’s really bitchy, but it gets worse as Olinda discovers that she’ll be rooming next to Cat. Olinda glares at Cat and tells her that she hates her. I’ll say one thing for Olinda—at least she is willing to be just as nasty to Cat’s face as she is behind her back.

Paul directs the women to the roof terrace for champagne cocktails. On the way, Olinda complains about Cat more. She says, “She’s quite boring, and I don’t like boring people.” In that case, it’s too bad she has to date David, who seems pretty boring to me. On the terrace, Olinda apparently pounds several champagne cocktails, because she quickly becomes even more obnoxious as she gets drunk. Petra notices a hot air balloon in the distance and speculates that David is waiting for them in the balloon with a table and drinks. No one answers her, so she repeats it several times, much to Olinda’s annoyance. Olinda tells her that if she mentions the balloon one more time, she’ll shove her off the roof. Cat says in an interview that Olinda is a mean drunk. Wow, no kidding.

Paul returns and tells the women that their luggage has being delivered to their rooms, so if they wish, they can freshen up before the next event. Cat and Petra go to their rooms, while Olinda and Anique stay on the roof. Olinda says that she wishes Cat would fall down the stairs and die. She keeps complaining about Cat, which seems to be much more rude and annoying than anything we ever saw Cat do. Anique tells her that she needs to chill. The scene ends with Olinda calling Cat a “GOLD DIGGER.” The captions are actually in all caps, just like I typed it. I guess the editors didn’t want us to miss that one.

Petra has the first date with David. The two of them will be taking a romantic trip around Rome. She tells him that he looks very handsome. In an interview, Petra says that David seems more relaxed and comfortable around her than he did at first. She’s happy to report that he’s stopped saying “Yes, ma’am” to her.

Back in the hotel, Olinda takes advantage of Petra’s absence to complain about her. She says, “I like Petra, but she [gets] on my nerves.” Cat says that now all of the other girls hate her. Olinda looks at her flatly and says, “Not now. We hated you the whole time.” Cat calls her a bitch (which at this point is so obvious it would be like calling her a blonde) and runs away. God, poor Cat. I can’t imagine why she chooses to spend any time at all with Olinda, since she’s just going to be so mean to her.

Meanwhile, Petra and David enjoy their walk around Rome. Petra says in an interview that David is nice and honest. As if that weren’t ironic enough, the two of them notice a wooded Pinocchio toy in one of the shops. They talk about the story and how Pinocchio’s nose grew every time he told a lie. David thinks about the many, many lies he has told and feels uncomfortable. David then observes that smoking is much more common in Europe than it is in America. Petra says that unlike the other women, she does not smoke. The fine Joe Millionaire editors treat us to a montage of Petra smoking her lungs out. It looks like they’ve both told a few fibs.

To continue the David Is Lying theme of the date, Petra and David visit a wood carving called the Mouth of Truth. Legend has it that if you put your hand in its mouth and tell a lie, it will eat your fingers. Petra goes first, bravely shoving her hand into the mouth and probably craving a cigarette. David asks, “Does Petra like David?” She says she does and reveals her hand, fully intact. She says that she is always honest. David puts his hand in next. He is very nervous and hopes that she won’t ask about the million dollars or Hurricane. Does David really think that his fingers are in danger? Luckily for him, Petra just asks if he’s happy to be with her. He is, and his digits are all intact.