Rich Girls, Episode 3: Helping the Malnutritioned

Okay, there were three things that I liked about Rich Girls this week:

1. It was not quite as boring as usual.
2. There was some excellent footage of Cape Cod. (I used to live there, and I felt myself becoming a wee bit nostalgic.)
3. There was no whiny, spoiled, bratty, pretentious Michael involved. (That one is cause for celebration!)

Other than those things, it was pretty much the same ol’ tiresome rich person routine – shopping, vacationing in one of the six homes owned by Tommy Hilfiger, discussing how best to alleviate the sorrows of those less fortunate. Blah, blah, blah.

Week three takes place over the Fourth of July weekend. Ally’s family always spends the Fourth at their home in Nantucket (that’s located in Massachusetts, for those who don’t know), and this year she’s bringing Jaime along. Before they leave, they go shopping.

Now that I have set the scene, let’s revert to bullets, shall we?

• Jaime thinks being an American is being what she created herself rather than being like everyone else. (This is said as she is shown picking out one of those stupid-looking flat-brimmed baseball caps that all the cool kids were wearing this summer.)
• Ally thinks being an American is going to McDonalds, milking cows, and speaking with a horrible attempt at a southern twang.
• Jaime tries on a baseball jersey with “Ripken” on the back. Ally doesn’t know who Cal Ripken is.
• Ally’s Range Rover talks to her and gives her directions. She calls it Charles.
• They are driving behind a hearse and are freaked out.
• Charles tells Ally, “If possible, make a u-turn.” (Personally, I’d be more freaked out about my vehicle speaking to me than driving behind a hearse.)

Scene change. Before they leave for Nantucket, the girls are going to a premiere party for a film Ally has produced. As the girls are being perfectly groomed, Ally doesn’t know what to do with her hair. She tells the stylist to “just play with it, see how it goes,” then explains what her film is about. “It’s about the U.S.S. Mason, which was a ship.” (A ship? Really? I thought it was a patriotic bricklayer.) Jaime expresses an interest in seeing it played over the July 4th holiday weekend on television, and Ally would like that very much indeed.

Ally and Jaime change the topic to being wealthy Americans and having the opportunity to help the Ethiopians. According to Ally, Ethiopians are “very malnutritioned.” Jaime corrects her: “Starved.” (I’ll correct Ally correctly: they are malnourished.) While they are deep in this heartfelt discussion, both girls are having spa treatments done. (It’s important for humanitarians to remain well groomed.)

The girls arrive home and are greeted by Ally’s dad, Tommy, and the family stylist, Creighton. We are introduced to Lizzie, Tommy’s girlfriend of three years. (Ally’s parents have been separated for four years: “Separated, not divorced,” Ally emphasizes.) Lizzie is a very attractive woman who may or may not be several years younger than Tommy. (It’s so hard to tell these days, what with all the plastic surgery and stuff.) And at this point, it seems my return to bullets is imminent, so here goes:

• Ally shows Creighton her fuzzy armpits.
• Ally doesn’t want to dry shave her fuzzy armpits.
• Ally shaves her fuzzy armpits with Lizzie’s help.
• Ally doesn’t like her hair in the updo the last stylist did.
• Tommy points out that she should wear it down, because all women wear their hair up when they get dressed up, and wearing it down would look new and fresh.
• Creighton unpins Ally’s hair with this disclaimer: “Just for the record, it’s a beautiful hairstyle.”
• Ally loves it down.
• Tommy to Creighton: “You’ve got the magic touch.”
• Tommy picks out a tie to wear – not the American flag one, it’s too cheesy – and settles on a red and white striped one.

And now they’re off to the premiere!

• Ally mentions that Bill Clinton and Kim Catrall will be among the guests.
• In the limo, they discuss the clothing that was used in the film. Ally and Tommy searched through a vintage clothing store and all of the clothes reeked of really strong B.O. Tommy: “But they were great clothes.”
• Ally, Tommy, etc. do the press junket thing when they get there (meaning that they do interviews and have photos taken).
• Bill Clinton arrives and makes a speech about Tommy Hilfiger’s generosity.
• Back in the limo, Ally says how honored she feels that Bill Clinton wanted to speak at the event.
• Ally wonders what the point of Kim Catrall being there was and makes this observation: “Bill kept eyeing her.” (Well, duh!)

We come back from the notorious extra-long MTV commercial break to find Jaime on the phone with Liz. She’s explaining that Ally has the 24-hour stomach flu and has been throwing up all night, and that Ally’s mom is flying her to Nantucket. “So Liz, could you drive? I don’t have my license.”