Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet, Episode 8: Nobody Beats the Miz

A few things before I get the party started. First: you have to read Steve’s latest recap (where you can see how much common sense the players and producers lack). Secondly, I found out that the title for the next Challenge is “Inferno.” I’ve been a good little recapper this year, so I have an unusual request for Christmas: I want a flamethrower. Given what I’m going to be dealing with starting in January, a weapon would come in handy. I want to be the guy who actually fights fire with fire. Hey, it beats paying for therapy.

Previously on The Gauntlet: Cara was excited to be in Telluride with Dave. Trishelle almost killed herself mountain biking. Mike: “I kind of realize how much I did care about her.” Trishelle thinks Mike is wonderful, even as he tries to cop a feel. Real World won Heavyweight Hustle, and the editors skip past Matt getting excommunicated from the team. Elka noted that she had a doctor’s note preventing her to compete in missions involving kneeling or crawling. Trishelle thinks people are using injuries as an excuse to stay.

Night. Mike and Trishelle are outside, lying in the hammock. She tells him that he has to meet her friends back home. She adds, “You would really like the place because the people are so different.” Gentleman that he is, Mike asks if they’re toothless. Trishelle has a good laugh about that. He interviews that the more he gets to know about her, the more he likes.

Bar. Dancing. Once again: no Antoine, no fun. Norman blabs that it’s not even gossip that Mike and Trishelle are an item. Let’s go down the list of guys she’s been in a friendly way with: Steven from her season, Eric from Campus Crawl, Adam, and Mike. Does Trishelle even exist off-camera? The sad thing is, I think Mike’s a huge step up for her. They dance. Coral’s probably not there, since their heads are intact.

RW Table. Strategy session. Alton: “Try hard. Go there and bust your ass. If you have to, go beyond your busted ass.” If he becomes a self-help guru, Go Beyond Your Busted Ass should be the title of his first book. He interviews that the voting process isn’t working and they need a new plan. Irulan repeats what Matt said two weeks ago about friendships not being real if a Challenge interferes with it. Nathan brings up Mike and Trishelle, and how Coral and Elka might think he wouldn’t vote for her. Trishelle claims that she’d vote on Mike if necessary, and vice versa. “He’s golden, man,” Irulan pipes up about Mike. “You guys can make it work. You will make All-American children.” Yeah, but the parents are dumb as rocks. Best line from Real World: Las Vegas... thanks, Frank!

Mansion. Rachel R. reads the sponsor phone clues: get ready to leave at 8 a.m., and wear a bathing suit. Veronica chuckles, since she ate a lot during the weekend. Theo V. wonders what “a.m.” stands for. Abram, the noted savant, figures it means “after the morning,” adding, “That means we can sleep late tomorrow!” Yeah, whatever.

Morning. Ridgway Marina. Jonny welcomes everybody to Sink My Ship. He reveals that they’ve made it to Phase Two, where individual efforts would be awarded. After every event, the best performers receive the Fresh Look Lifesaver that saves people from being cast into the Gauntlet. It doesn’t look different from last season’s Ion Lifesaver. On the other hand, you can’t conceivably kill somebody with it, unlike the Immunity Cutlass on Survivor. Elka feels good about the mission, even though her team has fewer players.

Everybody gets into their rafts. They must be safe, since Coral isn’t going on about her fear of water. Abram drops the exposition: each raft has a ball. The players seek to grab the ball and pull the cord, deflating the opponent’s raft. Nathan interviews that his team’s strategy is to go in two lines of five rafts, with the balls facing each other to block Road Rules.

Jonny blows his horn and everybody paddles into each other. “We come up with a strategy,” Nathan voiceovers, “we think our strategy is going to work. The minute the game starts, our strategy falls apart and it’s complete chaos. Nathan gets sunk first, followed by Abram and Cara. Theo V. pulls Trishelle’s cord. Steve and Mike paddle into each other. Coral sinks Adam, while Darrell eliminates Elka. Dave backpedals, ordering his squad to follow him to safety. The RR team celebrates the end of the first heat. A lovely sea shanty plays as we see who was wiped out on RW: Trishelle, Alton, Irulan, Rachel B., Elka, Coral, and Nathan. Jonny announces the three remaining players: Norman, Theo G., and Mike. Over on RR, the eliminated are: Abram, Cara, Steve, Adam, and Veronica. That leaves them with seven players left. Mike is not intimated. “I don’t care!” he shouts, “And I’m not scared!”

Airhorn. The soundtrack tells us we can suck or we can shine. Paddling. Coral screams “Watch out!” to her teammates. Mike gets sunk. Theo G. sinks Theo V., only to fall out of his own raft. While he goes to climb back in, Darrell pulls his cord. Norman voiceovers that Roni is chasing him, so he paddles to the saftey zone... and he realizes he’s the last person left on his team. RR celebrates some more as Jonny blows his horn. Theo G. and Mike are out for RW, while Theo V. and Laterrian got sunk for RR. “We got our fingers crossed,” Irulan interviews. “We’re cheering it up for Norm. Crazier things have happened before.” To her credit, she can’t keep a straight face, as we head into commercials.