The Next Joe Millionaire, Episode 6, Part 1: Some Fancy Brand of Flip Flops

Last week on The Next Joe Millionaire, Kristyna and Giada got booted, Olinda was mean to Cat, got booted, and I pulled a muscle in one of my typing fingers after recapping all two hours of international intrigue!

Paul welcomes us back to this week’s episode. He promises us “jet set dates” to help David ascertain which women are there for him and which are there for his money. Paul also says that the makers of the show were surprised when one of the eliminated women asked for a second chance with David. Because they love the twists and turns, they agreed.

In the villa, Petra, Anique, and Cat share an awkward meal. They eat silently while their interview voiceovers fill us in on the underlying tension. Petra thinks David made the wrong decision at the last elimination. Cat says that she thinks Petra wanted her to go. And Anique says that she doesn’t find Cat open or honest. Paul enters the dining room and congratulates the women on joining “the diamond club.” He tells Anique to get ready for the first date.

Anique is excited to spend more time with David. She thinks he likes her and is confident that they’ll have fun. David says in an interview that when he first met Anique, he thought she was “stuck-up.” Now that he knows her better, he realizes that wasn’t true. The two of them will be taking a helicopter to Portofino. Anique wants to be a helicopter pilot some day, so she is thrilled about the ride. She says in an interview that she is very touched that David remembered that she loved helicopters and arranged for this trip. That’s kind of sad to me, because I seriously doubt David had anything to do with planning this trip. Either the producers decided to give Anique a treat or it was just a happy coincidence. Regardless of his lack of involvement, David says that it’s great to make her dream come true. Anique’s smile lights up her face, and she asks the pilot to do tricks. She and David cuddle close and he puts his hand on her knee. In an interview, she says that she thinks their closeness could lead to love.

The helicopter arrives in Portofino. David describes it as “a rich people’s playground.” They check into the hotel and discover that their rooms are right next to each other. Anique flirtatiously says that will be convenient. She and David race around the room and goggle over how big and elaborate it is. David apparently forgets to act blasé and bored about the grandeur that he’s supposedly used to, but Anique doesn’t notice. David’s suite is gigantic and his private balcony is almost as big. Anique jokes about getting the smaller room.

Meanwhile, back in the villa, Petra and Cat are having lunch. Petra is annoyed because Cat doesn’t talk, apparently preferring to stare into space. Petra makes up for the silence by trying to start up conversation. She suggests they play a game, maybe chess. Cat remains aloof. Petra says, “Cat, you’re really rude.” Cat looks bored and says, “I don’t want to start stupid conversations.” The two of them argue about whether Cat should bother to talk to the other women. In an interview, Cat says she doesn’t care about the other women because, “I’m here for David.” Fine, but I agree with Petra—when David’s not around, you might as well make the best of things and try to have a good time with the others.

Back in Portofino, Anique and David pass the docks on the way to dinner. Anique jokingly asks David which yacht is his. They duck into one of the shops and David buys Anique what looks to me like a really ugly handbag. He is giddy with excitement at buying her the bag. But then he says, “I really like to buy the girls gifts, but the amount of money I’m spending on Anique is ridiculous.” But David, it’s not your money—who cares? The two of them share a romantic dinner and Anique is very appreciative of her new bag. She promises to fill it right away. In an interview, she admits that when you are dating a guy with a lot of money, you go on spectacular dates.

Things aren’t so friendly back in the villa. Petra wants to sort things out with Cat. She tells Cat that she’s being rude and anti-social. Cat quietly says that she’s just trying to survive the experience. Petra basically tells her that they’re all in the same boat and that she needs to suck it up and be a little friendlier. Cat says, “I so don’t like you.” At this point, Cat’s point of view is kind of winning me over. I think she’s really uncomfortable at the fact that the other women are also dating David, so she is trying not to get too close to them, as it makes her awkward situation even more awkward. She shouldn’t tell Petra that her attempts at conversation are stupid, but I can understand why she doesn’t want to pretend they’re all best friends.

After dinner, David invites Anique back to his room. They sit on the couch and he kisses her, holding a throw pillow in front of their faces so the camera can’t see. Then David asks the camera man to leave because he’s a gentleman and needs some privacy. Luckily the fine folks at Fox don’t feel the need to be gentlemen, since they are still recording sound in David’s room. We hear lots of smacky kissing noises, then Anique says, “Let’s marry and then we can do this every day.” The next morning as they return to the villa, Anique thinks about the other women and worries about David’s next dates. Meanwhile, David worries that Anique might really love his money.

Paul tells Petra that she has two hours before her date. She’s very excited and hopes that he isn’t too tired to enjoy their date. David meets Petra in front of a private jet. She’s excited that they’re going to Sardinia because she’s never been there before. When they arrive, she says that the hotel is absolutely beautiful. She’s especially impressed by the bathroom in her room, “the most beautiful bathroom ever.” It is a really cool bathroom, covered in multi-colored tiles. She and David have the penthouse of the hotel, which features ocean views and its own pool. Petra says it’s like a fairy tale.

David and Petra go to the beach for a swim. David is wearing a pair of expensive designer slides (which he refers to as “some fancy brand of flip-flops”) and stumbles all the way to the beach. Petra wonders what a country boy like David is doing with expensive flip-flops instead of a more practical cheap pair like hers. Before the two of them go into the water, the camera man treats us to a long lingering shot of Petra’s butt in her bikini. Less Petra butt, more shirtless David. Please! [Editor’s Note: Hey, I had no problem with that shot!] Petra says that there is a saying in Holland: You can get the girl out of the village, but you can’t get the village out of the girl. She thinks that saying applies to David—although he may be rich, he’s still a cowboy at heart. She likes that about him.

The two of them go out to dinner. Petra offers to say grace before they eat. Good move, Petra—I bet that scored some major points. But Petra’s not totally pure, as she encourages David to help her finish the bottle of wine. At the end of the evening, she very graciously thanks him for taking her to Sardinia. She kisses him goodnight, and that’s it—no trip back to the hotel room for Petra.