Rich Girls, Episode 4: Not Just Tommy’s Daughter

Boring and Pointless!!

Oh, sorry. I’m already getting ahead of myself.

Generally speaking, so far MTV has done a pretty good job with the continuity of each show. They make it look pretty so that it’s not that bad to watch. But man, when I show up to recap it, there’s not a whole lot to work with. I’ll see what I can scrape up this week.

Here we are, shooting footage in what is the fourth of the… I dunno, eighty?… homes that Tommy Hilfiger owns. This one’s in Connecticut.

Ally wants to make a name for herself and have people appreciate her personal creativity, even though she has resigned herself to the fact that she will always be known as “Tommy Hilfiger’s daughter.”

We meet Charlie now, Ally’s ex-boyfriend (who is also Justin’s best friend, though I have no clue who Justin might be). Charlie has remained a close friend of Ally’s, as she still feels really comfortable with him. He appears to be wandering around in the Hilfiger driveway looking for something to wear. Ally collects him and ushers him up into Tommy’s gigantic closet (which has more of a Tommy Hilfger clothing store feel to it, since it’s chock full of TH clothes in all different sizes. Neato). So Ally offers up a choice of briefs, boxer briefs, or boxers to ol’ Charlie. He chooses option C.

Isn’t this fascinating? Now we know what kind of underwear Ally Hilfiger’s ex-boyfriend prefers! This tops the Paris Hilton sex tape scandal for sure!

Suitably dressed for wandering about the Hilfiger household instead of the driveway, Charlie enters the master bathroom where Ally holds up a small bottle of lotion. “Want some penis skin?” Apparently, her dad, Lizzie, and her mom all apply this special product to their faces that is made from the circumcised skin from babies’ little willies. Charlie comments about what a strange job that must be, collecting all the foreskins from babies. Then they apply some to their own faces. (I’ve probably written this before, but what the hell is wrong with rich people?)

So Tommy decides to trot on down to the Mazzerati store and buy a new one. (Guess the old one had an empty gas tank or something.) While Tommy’s checking out his soon-to-be new wheels, the salesmen explain that there are only 399 in existence and only 80 in the states. Tommy’s major concern is not the rarity of the vehicle but whether or not Ralph Lauren picked one up for himself. The answer is: no, he did not. (You’re the coolest one, Tommy!)

Ally thinks they should get free hats from the dealership.

Tommy gripes about the car not having “push button windows.” Then he finds a scratch on the front bumper. Actually, it’s underneath the front bumper. (It’s important to be very specific in these recaps. I don’t want you to miss any of the stirring details of this program.)

I apologize if any of the sarcasm dripping from this article seeps into your keyboard.

Ally thinks the car is not attractive. But Tommy takes it for a test drive and she goes with him. He asks her to help him with his designs the next day, and she accepts.

On the big day, Ally coaches Jaime on what to wear and what to say. “Be honest in your opinions. Say, ‘I wouldn’t wear that’ if you wouldn’t.’” Moving ahead to the Hilfger’s New York design office. Tommy shows them some button-down shirts “like Charlie wears,” and they ooh and ahh. Then they are shown the summer line and Tommy asks them to tell them if they don’t like something. And our girls come through! They are fierce! They are brutal and headstrong! “This ribbing makes this top look tacky.” “I don’t like the stripes.” “Do you need this in all the colors?” And the dreaded, “I wouldn’t wear this.” (Well, I’m not sure if that was actually said, but you get the idea.) The other designers look on in horror. From this meeting, Tommy and Ally conclude that the entire line should be redone. Ouch.

After all that hard work, Ally, Jaime, and Jaime’s mom go shopping at FAO Schwartz. Ally says it’s like falling back into her childhood. They play with hand puppets, try on costumes, and look at fake babies. Jaime’s mom decides to buy a fake baby boy and has to fill out adoption papers before she leaves the store. Jaime airboxes with big green Hulk hands and says she wants them for the gym. Ally and Jaime have an important discussion about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Jaime’s mom picks up some announcements to hand out regarding her new fake baby.

Back at the apartment, Ally says that being eighteen is strange because you don’t know where you fit in. (Trust me, kiddo, that won’t end at eighteen.) Ally and Jaime get ready to go out to dinner with Jaime’s dad. They wrap thick scarves around their necks “Sex in the City” style and wear almost identical outfits.