The Next Joe Millionaire Finale: Off into the Sunset

It feels like just yesterday that we met David Smith, Fox’s new Joe Millionaire, and his bevy of European ladies, but it’s time already for the finale. Paul, with his usual glass of brandy in his hand, tells us that David has narrowed his search to two women: Linda, who “got back in at the end of the race,” and Cat, who “survived the entire marathon.” David will not only have to choose between the two ladies, but will have to tell one of them that he doesn’t really have eighty million dollars. Let’s get to it!

David says that he’s torn between the two women. With Linda, he was “intrigued at first sight,” but Cat is someone “who I’ve developed a relationship with.” Linda and Cat talk and admire the diamond bracelets they got after the most recent elimination. Linda says that she thinks it’s right that they are the last two women. Cat is not feeling the same camaraderie. In an interview, she says, “I would be the winner, but Linda is back.” She says much the same thing to Linda’s face. Cat is pretty much feeling like the Survivor contestants felt when the Outcasts were let back into the game. Linda says in an interview that she had no idea Cat liked David so much.

The stress of the final decision is getting to David—he says he’s had a headache for a week. What’s David been so stressed out about? Well, I’m glad you asked—it’s time for a recap of all of the events that brought David to this point. And I’ll tell you what—I’m not recapping the recap in my recap. If you want to know what’s happened on the show so far, you can read all of my lovely articles right here on RealityNewsOnline. For this show, I’m just hitting the highlights:

On the night of the first ball, David wants to make sure Cat had a chair, so he grabs a loveseat from across the room, lifts it over his head, and sets it down next to the rest of the furniture for Cat. On a group date to Pisa, David says he made his “first connection with Linda.” We see a clip of David and Linda smiling at each other. It doesn’t look like much of a connection to me, but maybe you had to be there. When David and the women go to a ranch in Tuscany, David says it was “the first time Cat really showed that she liked me.” Cat is the only woman who stayed out camping with David all night. And she looks disturbingly gorgeous when she first wakes up in the morning. But there was a sad side to that trip. David says Linda “blindsided” him by asking to be eliminated. He is sad to see her go. On a date to Florence, Cat is the first to kiss David. After “jet set dates” with the final three women, David goes to a ranch to relax. There, Linda is waiting for him. She regrets leaving and asks for a second chance. Linda rejoins the show in Venice. Cat is super fun, but Linda refuses to kiss David. David cries in his hotel room of the tension of it all, saying, “I’m fixin’ to freak out and run!” Ah, memories.

Back in the present, Cat says that the villa is not much fun with just two women. It’s funny that she’d say that, since Cat didn’t seem to enjoy anyone’s company before. Linda says that in the beginning, she and Cat were close friends, but as the field has been narrowed, there has been a lot of competition and stress. In an interview, Linda says, “I definitely think that Cat likes David.” She recalls that Cat mentioned that she likes David’s body and that the two of them apparently took a bath together. Indeed they did, combining bubbly champagne with soap bubbles. Cat says in an interview, “I hope that I’m the last girl, but I know Linda is here.” Linda is jealous that David kissed Cat and wonders if he is falling for her. Cat says, “I hope that he doesn’t break my heart.”

Paul arrives. He says that David is eager to spend more time with each of them. He will be having lunch with Linda and dinner with Cat. If I were Cat, I’d be very pleased about that—dinner seems more romantic. Paul muses that David’s final two women are quite similar. Both of them are quiet, good looking, and elegant. Remember the final two in the first Joe Millionaire? Sarah and Zora could not have been more different. I wonder what Paul thought of that.

Linda gets ready for lunch. She’s very nervous and fears that David is having trouble making up his mind. She is not sure of his feelings, saying, “I’m still doubting if he loves me.” Paul says that Linda is sweet, gentle, and ladylike. Paul believes she “has a lot of respect for herself and for other people.”

Linda waits for David at a table outside. David says, “I was kind of sad because this was our last date in Italy and maybe our last date ever.” Linda thanks him profusely for her diamond bracelet and kisses him. He’s surprised at the kiss, and no wonder, since she pulled away when he tried to kiss her in Venice. In an interview, David says, “I really like her, but she rejected me once already!” They haven’t had much time to build a relationship, so he wonders if what relationship they have is strong enough to survive his lie. Over lunch, Linda notices that David is acting strange and seems uncomfortable. She suggests they take a walk.

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