Rich Girls, Episode 7: Tension in the Air

Has anyone else noticed that it’s flu season? Yikes. Anyway, that’s my simple explanation for being a week behind the show now. Weeks eight and nine will most likely be a combined recap, folks.

So in week seven’s episode, Ally and Jaime travel from Seattle to Los Angeles. Abraham, a Hilfiger family friend who Ally calls “Puffy” (no word on how he feels about that nickname), picks them up at the airport. In the car, Ally babbles about having a kid, but if she had one she’d adopt, and the most difficult part would be choosing from what country she would adopt a child. Then she rambles off a bunch of third world countries and tosses America and England on the end of her thought. Jaime chimes in with, “You could have theme nights for dinner!” (And my thought is, oh my God, I’m actually watching this.)

Ally declares that she’s hungry and wants to go to that burrito place where Ozzy gets his burritos. So they stop at Chipolte on La Cienega Blvd., and the girls meet a couple of guys who want to “take them around the city.” Puffy takes the girls to The Argyle, a ritzy hotel located on the Sunset Strip. When getting out of the car, Ally steps on Jaime’s white jacket and tries to shake it out. Jaime calls her a bitch. (This is called foreshadowing. Pay attention.)

Their room has all the necessary rich people amenities, including a bidet, which Jaime labels “a tushy cleaner.” She turns on the water and then jumps away from it. “Wait – I don’t wanna touch that.” (Always two steps ahead of the pack, eh, Jaime?)

While unpacking, Ally notices that Kai – the guy she met at Chipolte – has left her a message. She calls him back and they agree to get together the next day. After that, the conversation gets really interesting. Ally comments about how much she liked the burrito and how she might get addicted.

Ally: “What would I do if I got addicted, Jaime?”

Jaime: “You’d go to rehab.”

Ally: “I hope I never become addicted to anything in my life… but you supposedly meet good people there.” (Always finding the bright side. Atta girl, Ally.)

The next day arrives, and what do the girls do first? (Visit the Getty museum? No. Trek on up to the Hollywood sign? Nope. Check out the La Brea tar pits? No, but you’re getting closer…) They go shopping on Rodeo Drive! (I know how obvious the answer was, but how challenging is that?)

While shopping, Kai calls Ally again and they arrange to meet at the poolside Argyle bar at 7:00 pm. (I guess they don’t check I.D.s at the Argyle bar, then.) Later on, Jaime is complaining about her inability to stop shopping. Ally suggests that she leave her credit cards in the room, but Jaime insists that would cause her an anxiety attack, causing her to become addicted to Xanax. (And from there she’d be forced to meet lots of good people in rehab.)

So the guys they met show up – their names are Kai, Bryce, Zen, and Delphi. (I swear, there are people with normal names out here, but I think you have to be over the age of 25 to have one.) Ally reveals to Kai that she’s only 18 (while she drinks a glass of wine). She talks about not wanting to go to Greece for the rest of the summer because she’s homesick. (More foreshadowing.) Jaime discusses writing her first novel with the other fellas. One of them asks if Fabio will be on the cover. Jaime: “No, it’s going to be, like, a real novel.” Ooh, can’t wait to read that one.

From the hotel, the group goes to Miyagi’s on Sunset. Just as I’m thinking that Ally and Jaime must have fake I.D.s, Kai says to the bartender, “The lady doesn’t have hers.” The bartender replies, “Then she can’t drink.” Kai turns to Ally and says, “Welcome to L.A.” (Welcome to reality, I’d say.)

So they go back to the Argyle to do some underage drinking in the room. We’re down to Ally, Kai, Jaime, and Bryce now. Ally and Jaime giggle about having two boys they just met in their room. They hang out for a while, Ally and Jaime get tired, and the guys leave.

In the morning the girls call their moms. Ally tells her mom about Kai, and that she now knows that she needs to be with older guys. At lunch with Puffy, Ally gets a message from Kai. Puffy’s advice is to play it cool and call him back tomorrow. Ally to Jaime: “So what do we do now?”

More shopping, of course. They head to Hollywood & Highland, a new-ish shopping area in downtown Hollywood. (What used to be crackhead row now sports several higher-end clothing stores and the gleaming, glitzy Kodak Theater.) Jaime spots a pair of $435 pink Marc Jacob boots that she needs desperately. (Oh yeah, I know how crucial those are to a wardrobe… I have three pair myself.) While they are trying on clothes, Liz calls Ally, and Ally tells her that she and Jaime are not going to Greece, even though Liz planned her whole summer around this trip. Jaime talks to Liz about being homesick and being not physically well enough to make the trip. Ally hangs up and comments that she knows Liz is upset but that you wouldn’t be able to tell because Liz always hides her feelings like the tough chick she is. Then Liz’s mom calls Ally to inform her that Liz is hysterically crying about her friends betraying her like this. Ally promises to go to London with Liz when she gets back. In the meantime, several hours have passed and the store clerks, who’ve been very patient while listening to the retelling of all this heart-wrenching drama, politely ask the girls to leave the store, as it’s now closing time and they’ve been there for six hours.

Cutting back to Ally and Jaime on the phone with Liz, Jaime whines about needing to be at home with her mommy. Ally explains to Liz that friends and friendships aren’t always perfect. (That Ally, always the voice of reason.)

At dinner Ally questions their actions. “Is it really pathetic what we did?” Then they begin glancing around, and Ally wonders aloud if people think they’re on Lesbian Blind Date. (I assume she said that because of the MTV cameras with them, not because they were holding hands or making out or anything.)

Back at the hotel, Jaime comments about a hot belt that Ally got for her brother. Ally asks her to please stop talking about clothes. Jaime points out that it’s hard not to when she’s trying to clean up their pigsty of a room. (I sense some tension.)

Later, they meet up with Randy Jackson. His appearance on the show is completely pointless, as all he’s shown doing is teaching the girls some ridiculous secret handshake or something. He leaves (and takes his perpetual annoying comments with him, dawg). Jaime opens the topic of her anxiety. Ally asks if there’s anything she can do to help. Jaime says no, and describes herself as always being preoccupied with something outside of the moment. “Like, I’m never truly happy.” (That might explain the permanent scowl on her face.)

Back in the room, Jaime is flopped on the bed being all depressed, anxious, and homesick. She must miss her mommy. But when Kai and Bryce show up, she’s all bubbly and perky. Ally observes that Jaime must just need to be around happy people. (Or she’s just in desperate need of some male attention.)

Ally and Kai cuddle on the couch and, in Ally’s words, “become really close.” Jaime and Bryce make out for, like, an hour out on the balcony.

And the next morning, the girls are on their way back to NYC. Ally’s final word on the subject this week is that she doesn’t know what to do about Jaime’s depression and that she might go to Greece with Liz but without Jaime; Jaime says that she feels guilty about Liz’s disappointment and her mom’s illness, and therefore can’t allow herself to have a good time no matter where she is. (Get over yourself, Jaime, for Pete’s sake.)

Tune in to RNO next week for recaps of the girls’ trip to London and… week nine’s episode. (Oh, joy!! That means there are only two weeks left of this insipid nonsense!)

Oh, and Happy Holidays, everyone. Go get a flu shot.

Rich Girls airs on MTV Tuesday at 10:30 pm/9:30 Central.

Dana can be reached at danasongwriter@yahoo.com.

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