Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet, Episode 13: Three’s Company

I watched the Survivor: Pearl Islands finale on Sunday. I don’t care what anybody says; Sandra deserved the win. You should have seen me around 9:20 p.m. I had my fingers and thumbs crossed, begging Lill to take Jon out of the game. And bless her little heart, she did just that. I’ve overdosed on odious a few times while recapping The Gauntlet, and the last thing I needed was Jon to win $1 million. But Sandra won 6-1, a complete turnaround from that dark day when Jenna beat Matthew. Of course, I had to come down from my high quickly, since I had a new episode, and MTV already gave away the ending in their commercial. Thanks, MTV! Once would’ve been enough, but you showed us the Gauntlet at least three times! Way to take away the suspense!

Previously on The Gauntlet: Adam asked Sarah if she was the weakest player. Sarah figured that everybody had messed up at least once, and Theo V. backed her up. She interviewed that it was great to have a friend like him on the team. Over on the Real World side, everybody voted for Trishelle, and Mike voted for Coral. Cue the record scratch in the soundtrack. Nice one. Irulan questioned the integrity of Mike protecting his girlfriend. Road Rules won Rolling On a River, Red Baron and Turntable, upping their bank account to $80,000, while RW had $30,000. Norman notes that his team is losing players and missions, and they need to step up. “We’re just whuppin’ that ass,” Darrell interviews. “They can’t touch us.”

Mansion. Mike looks on while Theo V. sews a team flag. Mike small talks about how tough it is to lose people and how it was a lot easier when they were on Battle of the Seasons. Those were good times. Well, except for when the Inner Circle kicked out Stephen and Lindsay, and Kelley didn’t want Lindsay to go. “It’s hard to tell who does bad and who does good,” Mike interviews. “Sometimes, I don’t know who to vote for.” That’s the price the teams pay for the removal of the points system. Theo: “I believe that the Real World is in so much turmoil, they have no clue who they’re sending in the Gauntlet and all they to is wake up every morning and realize the state of pain that they’re in.” Mike says that Sarah is Theo’s girl, and he can’t understand why she keeps going back into the Gauntlet. You and me both, Miz. Theo labels her as a “good luck charm.”

Elsewhere, Veronica rubs her shoulder in slow-motion. Oh, please. Like I’m that weak? Abram sits on the bed, rubbing Rachel. He interviews that he’s thinking along the same lines as the girls. “If you keep rubbing her legs, dude,” Theo V. quips, “a genie will pop out of her ass.” Where would I be without Theo? Rachel thinks that Abram is trying to schmooze her and Veronica with special treatment. He jokes that he wants to do Veronica. What a smooth talker. “I think Abe has a lot to offer,” Veronica interviews. “I mean, I don’t want him to be my boyfriend, but I think he’s a really great guy.”

Daytime. Ridgway Marina. Jonny welcomes everybody to All or Nothing. The objective: jump off a twenty-foot platform and cling onto a rope suspended from a moving object. The editors pipe in “Ride of the Valkyries” for dramatic effect. I hum along, “Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit...” While Jonny lays out the exposition, a helicopter lifts off, arriving at the mission site. Abram feels like he’s in a “Vietnam movie.” The chopper makes impressive ripples above the water. Jonny continues: when he blows his airhorn, the players will jump on the rope and climb past the orange balls on the rope, towards the red balls. The team with the fastest average time wins $10,000. Jonny brings up the penalties: if a player misses the rope or fails to climb into the red zone, that person will get the worst logged time of the day, plus a two-minute penalty. Also, the top players on each team receive the Freshlook Lifesaver... or is it the Icesaver? At this point, I don’t care. Anyway, the player receiving that gets immunity from the Gauntlet and gets to break a tie. That was brought up a few weeks back, but I thought nothing of it. My bad.

Abram climbs up the ladder to the platform. What’s his strategy? “My plan for this is to jump off and grab the sonofabitch, and hang on for dear, sweet life.” Good thinking. “Balls to the wall. Go big or go home.” James would be proud, dude. Jonny blares his airhorn. Abram stands on the platform’s edge, waiting for the rope to come to him. He jumps, and proceeds to slide down the rope. He makes a token effort to climb before letting go, earning the DQ. I check off “go home” next to his name. “I think Abe just gets really excited and hyper,” Roni interviews, “and I think he loses mind of what’s at hand.” Abram gets hugged by Dave, while Alton tells his teammates how to get on the rope.

Mike bounces on the platform. He interviews that since he’s the team “leader” (his quotes, not mine), he has to set an example. He takes a running start, grabbing the rope and climbing up. But he loses his grip and falls down, getting the DQ. “Dang,” Theo G. grouses in an interview, “this cat’s stronger than I am, and he’s out.”

Back from commercials, Dave tells us that everybody has failed so far, so he has nothing to lose. He grabs the rope, loses his grip and falls. DQ. Irulan jumps, misses, and does a nice 270-degree flip into the water. Even her boyfriend laughs about that. “That was a very impressive little fall,” he chuckles. DQ. Cara grabs the rope, but loses her grip. DQ.

Theo G. expositions that everybody has been disqualified already, and he has to show his team that it’s possible. He takes a running start, climbs up the rope and reaches the red zone in 31 seconds. Of course, his teammates whoop it up, as he is slowly dipped into the water. “It was a good feeling of going in there and pulling something out for my team,” Theo interviews. Average times: RW 1:51, RR 2:31.