Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet, Episode 13: Three’s Company

Norman jumps from the platform. Nathan explains that Norman climbed up the rope, celebrated, and jumped off... but didn’t hit the red zone. I’d make a senility crack, but since Norman griped about rules changes in his recap, I’ll pass. He stomps, obviously furious. DQ. Adam runs and falls. DQ. Loser. Coral starts to climb, loses her shoes, then decides to quit. DQ. Darrell drops. DQ. Theo V. hopes that he can come through for his team. He jumps on the rope and climbs, clocking out at 0:24. Average times: RW 2:07, RR 2:10.

Sarah comes up. How bad is it that I knew this wasn’t going to end well for her? She jumps on the rope. Veronica shouts encouragement, but Sarah is frozen, unable to pull herself up. Darrell: “I’m knowing she’s about to just give up, because that’s what she always does.” Hey, I got a Christmas present for you, Darrell. It’s a big box of Shut Up. Enjoy. Sadly, Sarah still dangles, and she makes the signal to quit. “I could’ve hung on all day,” she interviews, “but I couldn’t go anywhere. So what are you going to do? At least I grabbed the rope. Let’s hope that they noticed that and don’t send me in there for Gauntlet number five.” Nathan makes a run for the rope, finishing at 1:44. Average times: RW 2:51, RR 3:15.

Roni drops. DQ. Rachel drops. DQ. Veronica drops. DQ. She interviews: “This has been the most difficult challenging mission ever [pause] invented.” Alton jumps on the rope. After smoking Laterrian in Pole Climb last week, what else can you expect from Alton but a 0:23 time? Irulan jumps around like an excited cheerleader. “That’s my dawg!” she tells us. Adam interviews that since three RW guys climbed the rope, they got the win.

Final times: RW 2:47, RR 3:24. Jonny awards the $10,000 check to RW. Nathan interviews that RR has peaked, and RW is just starting to rise. Jonny awards the Lifesavers to Alton and Theo V., then gives both teams 30 minutes to decide who goes into the Gauntlet.

RW Meeting. Nathan interviews that the smaller the team gets, the harder it is to vote. “You look around,” he continues, “and everybody you look at is valuable for the team.” Theo G. brings up Mike, based on performance in the last few missions. There are a lot of cuts, followed by Mike’s interview, where he votes for himself. “It’s time for me to step up and show you why you guys call me leader,” he says. “It’s time for me to be the Miz.” And it’s time for me to bang my head against a wall. I hate the Miz. Irulan interviews that sending a strong player would psyche out RR, but losing him would be a blow against morale.

RR Meeting. Our finalists today are Abram, Cara, and Sarah. Wait a minute... Cara? She’s been kicking butt since beating Elka in the Gauntlet. What gives? Adam announces a tie between Abram and Sarah. “If you guys really wanted me gone that bad,” Sarah says, “why didn’t you just [bleeping] break my knees in my sleep?” Adam says nothing, almost as if he’s contemplating the notion. He puts on the same track as before in an interview: Sarah is the weakest person on the team and she does the most for herself and the team in the Gauntlet. Roni interviews that Sarah hasn’t held her weight, but she’s gone to the Gauntlet four times, which is more than what Abram has done. It turns out that Theo’s Lifesaver allows him to break the tie. Cara expositions that he makes the decision at the Gauntlet. “It’s not fun being the middleman,” Theo interviews. “I like her, I want her to be here, but I care about this team first and foremost.” Cut to Abram, cut to Sarah looking miserable. The suspense is not killing me. Once again: thank you, MTV.

Gauntlet site. Jonny goes through his Gauntlet spiel. Abram reminds us that his team doesn’t know who’s going, and he hopes it’s Sarah. Jonny calls up Mike, provoking a huge RW celebration. Jonny then goes on about the tie vote and how Theo broke it. After it’s dragged out enough, Abram is called up. While everybody else cheers, Sarah remains seated. Maybe she caught the ending, too. She interviews, “The fact that Theo choose Abe shocked the hell out of me.” Abe and Mike hug in a manly manner. Theo interviews that making the right call, adding, “I’m sick of seeing sacrificial lambs in this Gauntlet. I have a feeling that if Abram goes, he’s going to do well.”

Mike rolls the die and it comes up Knock Your Block Off, which provokes another RW celebration. Coral and Norman make punching motions, which cracks me up. Jonny lays down the exposition: the players fight with fugel sticks on a balance beam. First to knock the other in the water wins. Abram is excited to battle Mike. As for Mike... he goes into Miz Mode. Basically, the Miz is a poor man’s Rock, and as somebody who rejects all things wrestling, I’m not quoting him. But I will translate and make Mike sound like a nerd. “You did defeat me once, Abram, but I was drunk then [clip from the wrestling match in the first episode]. But now I am sober and ready to give you a sound thrashing. And I wish to ask you this: are you ready? Because, quite frankly, I do not think that you are, my friend.”

The guys get ready. Mike puts on his psycho game face. RR whips out the “Hey Road Rules!” cheer. “This is what the Gauntlet is all about,” Theo V. drawls. “The Gauntlet is all powerhouses. It’s all about two bulls heading straight at each other.” Jonny blows his whistle. Both players feel each other out. The RW side looks stressed. The opponents exchange blows. Sarah is still seated, perhaps feeling guilty about Theo’s decision. Soon, Mike nails Abram in the butt, pushing him into the water. Game over. The RW side is jubilant, knowing they dodged a bullet. “There’s nothing like it,” Mike interviews about the Gauntlet. “There’s no rush like it. I loved every second about being in that Gauntlet.” He hugs Abram. “But I never want to do that again.” Cut to Abram stretching and Sarah apologizing. The only person feeling lower than her? Theo, who’s sitting on the bench, as bummed as I’ve ever seen him.