Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet, Episode 14: Tubthumper

Both players get into position and Jonny blows his whistle to start the game. The editors break out the effects from the Coral/Tina match. Elapsed time: 15 minutes. Irulan looks at Sarah. I guess Coral has been teaching the Evil Witch Eye to her. RW claps. Elapsed time: 32 minutes. RR stares; Sarah probably told them to keep quiet, like the time she faced Matt. Elapsed time: 46 minutes. Theo V. bounces around. “If Sarah wins her fifth Gauntlet,” he voiceovers, “there’s going to be a lot of kids in the water.” Coral yells at Irulan as she bends her legs over the bar. Coral interviews that Irulan is trying to win for the team and to stay with Alton.

The pinging comes back. Sarah: “Sometimes, they actually really want me to win, and sometimes they were hoping I’d lose.” Adam stands with his arms folded and I still think he’s trying to make Sarah lose with his mind. More pinging. The camera is upside-down as the water drips up off Sarah’s body. A piano plays softly. “This entire trip for me has been completely about personal redemption.” Cut to the RR guys, with their shirts off. Adam still has his arms folded. “It’s more than anything, the fact that I’m capable of better than what I put out there a lot of the time.” More pinging. The guys keep watching. “How many times can I disappoint myself before it starts hitting me that I can do better?. I just want to be proud of me.”

This is what went through my mind as Sarah was talking: No. Not like this. The only reason she’s reflecting is because she lost. She drops, the Axis of Ass wins. Sad, right? I’ve grown attached to a lot of people on past series: Judd, Sarah Becker, Melissa, Dorothy, John Vito and Jill, and Rupert, among others. I know it’s stupid to be a raving fanboy. But I see a lot of myself in Sarah, and the prospect of her going down was too much to bear.

Irulan is struggling. Suddenly, my attitude does a 180-degree turn. Alton yells for her to fight. Adam slowly goes nuts, waiting for the finish. Finally, Irulan drops. Elapsed time: 48 minutes. Game over. The RR guys dive into the pool. There’s a slow-motion shot of Sarah lowered into the water, while Darrell does a cannonball into the pool, splashing her. That seems appropriate. On the RW side, Irulan cries, comforted by the guys. Adam and Dave carry a fatigued Sarah away. Irulan shakes and cries some more.

Theo V. jumps around, his stuff flopping around. Seriously, it looks painful. Something for the ladies... and a few of the fellas. Soon, I’m able to make out what Theo is yelling: “GO HOME!” Oh, that’s nice. He interviews that Irulan caused a lot of trouble, “She’s been such an awful sport,” Cara adds, “we just feel she deserves it.” Looks like RR hasn’t forgiven her for using her clapper during the Sarah/Matt Gauntlet. Theo yells to Alton, telling him to help his girlfriend pack. Damn. And Theo has been so good lately. In Sarah’s recap of Mud Bath, she mentioned a dust-up between those two that didn’t make the air, so I guess Theo feels the need to rub it in. Immediately, Alton wants to squash the swamp rat and Nathan has to keep him from making the team lose another player. Sarah interviews that it hurts her feeling that her teammates feel the need to bitch out RW to celebrate. Adam and Rachel heap huge, hollow praise on her. She’s probably too tired to punch Adam in the nuts. “We couldn’t even say anything,” Adam tells her. “We couldn’t cheer you on because you were perfect!” Yeah, whatever. Alton warms Irulan up. He interviews that RR has a false air of team spirit around them. “They’re not all there with her,” he adds. “Every one of them are scared to see the Gauntlet.” Nathan: “It is false to cheer for somebody you vote to the Gauntlet five times and jump in the water, like, ‘Oh, we love you. Thanks for saving our ass again.’ You’re full of [bleep].”

Indoors. Sarah is shivering, as her teammates declare tomorrow a holiday from voting Sarah into the Gauntlet. That’s so nice of them, considering there’s only one Gauntlet left. Darrell starts up, “Who’s the big winner tonight?” Yes, he sounds like he’s talking to a dog, but RW did the same thing with Mike. The only difference: Sarah doesn’t cock her head to the side like a tool and slide a Miz cap on her head. “It would fell really great if we win,” she laughs. “I am not a winner! I haven’t been a winner my entire life!”

Cut to Theo G. and Mike at the table. Theo gives Sarah props for winning, knocking on the table. Mike knows that she’s been screwed over. How about that? This chick took out five of their teammates, including Mike’s main squeeze. She’s the biggest reason RW will go into the final day at a disadvantage... and they don’t hate her. “I’ve never been in a position where I’ve had control of anybody,” Sarah interviews. Alton hugs Irulan once last time before escorting her out. “I’ve sent five people home. I’ve taken this experience away from five people. I don’t really know how I feel about it all. I still feel really confused and heady.” The camera zooms on her, as she covers her mouth and gives a slight smile. With the glasses on, she’s adorable.

Next week: Jonny welcomes everybody to Dukes of Saturn. Basically, it’s two cars, a ladder between them, and a few hundred feet from the ground. If you listen closely, you can hear Melissa mutter, “Oh, hell no!” Coral worries that since she’s the last girl, she’ll go to the Gauntlet if she doesn’t do well. Theo V. tells Adam that Veronica is conniving and not good for the team. Adam: “Veronica needs to prove herself. Her attitude is pissing people off.” Hey, better this from Adam than having him beat up random residents for not being able to lose Sarah. Veronica straddles the ladder as her teammates count down. She interviews that people want her to go and she has to do well. The best part? No Sarah in there. Hoo-RAH!

Better theme song: “Let Go” vs. “Rock Star.” Worst villain: Puck vs. Adam. Biggest heroine: Ruthie vs. Sarah. Biggest blast from the past: Antoine vs. Roni. Cooler voting process: Inner Circle vs. the Gauntlet. How does Battle of the Sexes fare against The Gauntlet? Send me your feedback on the past two seasons at lantern75@earthlink.net.

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