The Apprentice, Episode 1: When Life Gives You Lemons…

The men decide that one of their strengths is their versatility, so they name themselves Versacorp. The more I think about their name, the more it grows on me. It’s a little generic, but then again, they don’t know what kind of business Versacorp will have to be in. If they’re going to be successful, they must rely on their versatility, as they said, so Versacorp works. Ereka has a name for the women’s team: Protégé. I really, really hate that name. A protégé is someone who gets support and protection from an influential person. Should they really be presenting themselves as a group of people whose success depends upon someone else?

The phone rings. It’s Trump’s assistant, and she directs the candidates to be at the New York Stock Exchange the next morning at 5:45. Katrina says that this first task is crucial. The women sit in a circle and meditate, while the men amusingly talk about what they should wear. They agree that ties and jackets are appropriate for a trip to the NYSE.

The next morning, Donald Trump greets the candidates on the floor of the stock exchange. He tells them that their first task will take them back to the basics: they will be selling lemonade. Each team will get $250 seed money, and whichever team makes the most money will win. He notes that the women seem more excited, and then asks who the project managers are. Troy will be leading Versacorp, and Ereka will helm Protégé.

Trump muses that the three most important things in starting a business are location, location, location, but he doesn’t necessarily agree with that. He thinks that a smart person will be more successful in a bad location than a less intelligent person will in a good one. How will the two teams fare?

Well, the men are thinking about location right away. Troy puts Kwame in charge of selecting theirs. Kwame pulls out a map of Manhattan and suggests a nearby seaport. He says that it’s a beautiful day, and it should be busy with tourists. The men quickly agree and set off to get started.

The women are having a much slower start. Ereka doesn’t feel comfortable taking charge, and as a result, there is no leadership. All of the women are talking at once and no one can make a decision. Someone says that the first thing they need to do is get a table. Tammy immediately chimes in that they don’t need a table, that a table is the old way to sell lemonade. Tammy really annoys me. Is there a new way to sell lemonade, or are you just disagreeing so that you’ll seem innovative? Ereka agrees, though, that it would be better to invest in their product rather than in a table. In general, the women’s team is a disorganized mess. Omarosa says in an interview that Ereka is too emotional. She’s teary-eyed already and isn’t behaving rationally.

While the women argue about how to get started, the men have taken action. Kwame finds a spot that he thinks will get lots of tourist traffic. Then he introduces himself to a store owner and convinces him to give them a table, cups, ice and a cart in exchange for their directing people into his store. It is an incredibly impressive bit of negotiation, and I am pleased that I chose Kwame as my favorite in my preview article.

An hour into the project and the women are right where they started. Finally, Amy and Kristi leave to buy the supplies. Ereka is still looking for direction.

Meanwhile, the men have the lemonade mixed and are setting up shop. Troy directs everyone to sell, sell, sell. In an interview, Bowie says that Troy is doing a great job of keeping everyone positive.

The women finally have a plan. They’ve selected a location, and Ereka tries to contact Amy and Kristi on her cell phone to give them the rendezvous point, but they have bad reception and can’t hear each other. Tammy helps by putting on more lipstick. They’ve decided to head to Rockefeller Center, and Ereka asks a stranger on the street for directions. Unfortunately, she’s led in the wrong direction. Meanwhile, Amy and Kristi, unable to find the group, decide to mix the drinks and start selling. It’s a good plan. Ereka finally gets them on the phone and asks them to get in a cab so they can get started. Amy and Kristi explain that they have shopping carts full of supplies and can’t really leave, so the others decide to join them. Ereka says that their energy is back, and they start working.

Tammy may be the worst lemonade seller I have ever seen. Her technique is to stand on the street and murmur “lemonade,” softly while holding a cup. She takes a break from this crack selling skill to say that her feet hurt. The camera pulls back to show that she is wearing some killer heels. Take your shoes off and get to work, Tammy!

Unfortunately, Tammy does not hear the advice that I yell to my television and decides instead to take a lunch break by herself. Kristi is pissed off, because no one else has taken a break. Amy says that Tammy is just not a part of the team.

Omarosa is concerned about Tammy’s separation from the group, so she asks her to go to the store with her to buy more supplies. On the way there, Omarosa recommends that she reach out to the others, get to know them better, and strive to be a part of the team. Once they get back, Tammy totally ignores this good advice, opting instead to confront the other women to ask if they have a problem with the fact that she took a break. In an interview, Omarosa says that she is done trying to help Tammy. I don’t blame her, and she’s a better woman than I am, because I wouldn’t have bothered.

Well, I thought that Tammy was the worst lemonade seller I’d ever seen, but that was before I saw what David is up to. He has a poster in his hands touting the lemonade and is chasing after a guy on a bike, taunting him to buy a glass. It’s just awkward and painful. Nick is not impressed with his selling skills, and neither is anyone else.