The Apprentice: Weekly Performance Review – Initial Evaluation

Katrina: My first impression of you was “arrogant.” Some people say that about me, and my response is usually, “I have a right to be.” Can you back it up? Like Jessie, I didn’t see much of your abilities in the first episode. I doubt you were one of the top 3% real estate agents nationwide by standing around.

Heidi: You irritated me, and I have no idea why. Some people just do that. I’ll take an immediate dislike to them for no good reason. Of course, this happened with a co-worker once before and she ended up becoming one of my closest friends, and still is to this day. In any case, back to you, Heidi. You’re going to have to prove to me that you’re more than a short skirt.

Tammy: Oh, Tammy, Tammy, Tammy. You acted like a snobby bitch, whined a lot, seemed to worry more about your makeup than your job, and stopped to take a break without telling anyone. Then, during the tour of Trump’s apartment, you subtly insulted his girlfriend and acted like a total rube. If the women had lost, you would have been fired without a doubt. Lucky for you, you have a chance to redeem yourself. I have a feeling, though, that you’re our designated “villain” for this show, and will probably be sticking around for a while.

VersaCorp

VersaCorp is one of those nonsense names that remind me of those drug commercials on TV. What do you do? Why should we care? It sounds slick for the sake of being slick. Why didn’t anyone go for something like “The Legion of Doom”?

Bill: I’ll start with you, since you were almost invisible this week. Make an impact, guys!

Jason: That is, unless your impact is negative, like being rude to Donald Trump. Seriously, how much intelligence does it take to know that you shouldn’t interrupt and be short with the man who will decide your future? You’ve dug yourself a nice hole.

Nick: Speaking of negative impact, we come to Nick. Our first real introduction was seeing you bitch about the VersaCorp name, but you really didn’t come up with anything better, did you? Then you bitched about the location of the lemonade stand. But did you make your complaint known? I understand the editing might have cut these out, but you’re coming off as a whiner. Stop whining and DO something.

Bowie: You were my favorite from the very beginning, and so far you’ve done nothing to change that. You seem to be the guy who loves life and loves getting his hands dirty, figuratively speaking. However, you didn’t do a whole lot of value this week, and again, I suggest you change that for next week.

Kwame: You were responsible for choosing the bad location, which made you a possible scapegoat. You were also responsible for getting a lot of supplies from the nearby restaurant, which was an absolute stroke of genius on your part, which, had you won, would have made you the most valuable player on your team right off the bat. Personally, I don’t think the guys could have beaten the women no matter WHAT location you chose, so I don’t hold it against you. In addition, you were willing to admit that the location was bad, even if you didn’t understand why. Keep up what you’re doing: a bad decision made honestly, in my mind, is better than no decision at all.

Speaking of location, I have to wonder: why did no one go to Times Square or the Bus Station? Throngs of people pass through there every minute. Set up outside a Broadway play. Hang out outside Toys R Us, where kids will demand lemonade from their parents! Was it too far away? I didn’t think it was too far to go, considering.

Troy: Was I the only one who wanted Troy to bust out with, “Hi, I’m Troy McClain! You may remember me from reality shows like…” OK, enough of that. You made a fine leader, especially since you had the guts to step up to the plate and be first. I don’t agree that you were “inconsistent,” just because you took Kwame’s advice and not Sam’s. A leader shouldn’t take everyone’s advice, he should take everyone’s advice into consideration, which I think you did. And most importantly: you picked yourself up and vowed to do better next time.

Sam: Oh, where do I start? You seem to be all about the flash and not about the substance. But what to expect when you list your professional idols as Donald Trump, Ben Franklin, Studs Terkel, and… Howard Stern? Good grief, man. Some say that your name-dropping of Trump’s parents was creepy; I found it pathetic and condescending. You’re very lucky that George liked “the cut of your gibberish,” since I think if he hadn’t stuck up for you, you’d have been the one fired. Trump isn’t sure if you’re a genius or just insane, and the rest of us will sit back and wait for the next (and hopefully last) meltdown. You won’t get a third chance, I think.

David: You got something of a raw deal, but you have no one else to blame but yourself. You admitted that you were not a strong seller or a good leader, and this is not someone that Trump wants running their corporation. Managers want someone who aren’t afraid to try. People who say, “I don’t think I’m a very strong leader, but I’ll do my best.” THAT is precisely why you were fired instead of Sam – although he was a disaster most of the time, he gave every effort and never gave up.

As a final note, I’d like to pose a question: how sad is it that you could name more people on Protégé that should have been fired than on VersaCorp? Let me know what you thought of The Apprentice, what you think of my column, and who you think is next to go.

Email me at mikmaria@charter.net.

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