The Bachelorette 2, Episode 1: Here We Go Again

So… it’s time for another round of The Bachelorette, and again ABC has opted to put in a woman that the men will have had advance knowledge of prior to the show’s taping. I’m just going to get on my soap box one quick moment and say that I don’t think that this is fair to the women. I mean, we’ve had three editions where the men have been virtual mysteries to the women that were vying for their attention. But no, the producers have opted to go for a woman that’s already been on the show once before, and gets to go through it all over again. I would prefer that they just got a woman off of the street, put her in that position, and made the men actually get to know her, and not go into it with any preconceived notions.

I mean… am I on crack for thinking this?

So I’m going to keep this first part short and sweet because, dear Lord, do we really need to go into the Meredith Philips story? Let’s just hit some highlights like bad late ‘80s/early ‘90s overly teased hair that is hairsprayed into place within an inch of its life, all of it leading up to her grandma's death being revealed on national TV (a real death this time, unlike Jonny Fairplay’s alleged grandmother death), and that really romantic date where she took Bob to her grandma’s grave. I mean, nothing says romance like going to a cemetery! Well, Bob gave her the dump and then she got her own show and 25 guys to swoon over her. Then I get the joy of going through all of the guys and going… sigh… get over yourself!

So that’s the Meredith Philips Story. Can we just get to meeting the guys now?

Matthew, a 28-year-old pharmaceutical sales rep from Friendswood, Texas. I’m dying to know what record he set doing track and field at Texas A&M. He says he will be the last man standing. For goodness sakes, man, remember your name! Even if you don’t remember your name, remember a name (as long as it’s not one of the other guys’ names)… handsome man.

Rick, a 29-year-old business manager from San Diego, California. Okay, the pic on the ABC website doesn’t even come close to showing how cute he really is. Of course, he gets the Russ Award by having a gift for Meredith before he’s even met her. I mean, it’s a good way of getting her attention fast but… well. I do wonder about it. He’s cute but something tells me that the gift had better be good for her to keep him around.

Lanny, a 26-year-old stallion and breeding manager from Aubrey, Texas. Okay, Lanny is just breaking my heart, because he’s pretty damn cute. I mean, he’s got the cute smile going that can melt you on the spot. Of course, I’m just hoping Meredith is a horse person, unlike our Reality TV Hall of Shame winner for camera hog/"please get out of my face I don’t want to see you again for quite some time" former bachelorette Trista. [Editor's Note: Meredith went on a horseback riding date with Bob and revealed that she hates horses.] He says he's a good Southern Baptist boy… hoo boy, there’s a barrel of fun right there. Then again, he drinks beer, which isn’t that Southern Baptist unless the “southern” portion of that just refers to his being from the South.

Justin, a 25-year-old professional baseball player from Orlando, Florida. Okay, he plays baseball and he’s pretty handsome but I have some concern about him wanting to share the baseball experience with his family. I mean, he’s in the minors, which doesn’t necessarily mean that he will (or won’t for that matter) make the majors. But he plays for the Sea Dogs of Portland, Maine. He may need keeping warm at night.

Sean, a 31-year-old CPA from Wall, New Jersey. I just want to know how someone can be close to marriage on two occasions and not have it come through. I mean, was it him that called it off or was it the women? I have these questions!

Ryan R., a 29-year-old sales/marketing guy from San Diego, California. Okay, Ryan, the whole proposing on a billboard thing? That’s not going to happen on this show. You get a ring, and you get to propose on bended knee. There’s not a billboard around. Sorry. Hate to disappoint you.

Brian, a 31-year-old sports facility manager from Quincy, Massachusetts. Here’s my main concern with Brian (and it’s only because he and I share the same name): his hair. I mean, look at his hair. That has to take some serious time to put together so it just flows in the right direction and hangs just right. Thank God I shaved all of mine off. Other than that… cute smile.

Damon, a 28-year-old arena football player on the Colorado Crush from Cardiff, California. Be still, my beating heart. This man is a god to be worshipped. I could just look at him all day and all night and not get bored. I know this is just going to sound absolutely horrible of me, but I can’t wait to see him with his shirt off. If he’s the entertainment at this party, then I’m definitely gonna be watching.

Keith, a 31-year-old financial analyst from Baltimore, Maryland. He says his mother and sisters taught him how to treat a lady. The really scary part here is that if he makes it far enough in the competition, then his mother and sisters had better hope they did a good job. Otherwise it’s only going to be a reflection of them, since they taught him everything.