American Idol 3, January 20: Synthesize Me!

This is night two of three consecutive nights of American Idol 3! Last night, we met the Roman twins, Jesus and Noel, who auditioned separately and were invited to Hollywood, Michael Keown who “refreshed” Paula and impressed Simon, and a red-haired crooner named John Stevens IV who was given a rare opportunity to correct his performance and took full advantage of it. And, we met the dreadful Scat Girl, the scary Karmen/Ivan from Romania, and, of course, Scooter Girl who Randy wanted to scoot on home, but in whom Simon saw something special. Who’da guessed?

Some of these folks will be advancing in the competition, others will live on in American Idol lore! Who’s coming to entertain us tonight? Let’s find out!

Ryan welcomes us to beautiful Atlanta, GA. Usually a hotbed of talent, Tamyra Gray and Clay Aiken came from Atlanta auditions. Then again, so did “Like A Virgin” Keith. Yeah. Anyway, 10,000 people packed the Georgia Dome for their auditions, including:

Amy Adams - a pink-haired bundle of energy, armed with a mirror made by Mom that says, “You Are An American Idol,” breezed through the door and promptly flirted with Simon. She sings “Rescue Me” with a nice voice and true presence... and more flirting with Simon. Simon says they take someone with red hair every year, why not now? She’s going to Hollywood!

Simon Thomas - Simon the Good predicts that he will be advanced because of his good heart. Wrong show. He sings his own composition, he says (though it sounded familiar to me), a song about compassion and tolerance. Amen. The intent was far better than the delivery and Simon the Evil questions that compassion, considering he made the judges endure his singing. “Painful.”

Kristin Powell - struts through the door and tears off her pants! Drama is written all over her! Revealing a lotta thigh and leg-warmers, she proclaims she lost 80 lbs. for this very moment! She gives a loud and tuneless “What A Feeling” and Simon says she couldn’t have been serious. Kristin says she was, and Simon is sorry that she was. Kristin is shocked! Then she basically admits she sucks and says there are other who suck and they get synthesized! “Synthesize me!” No, still. She leaves in disgust and Enabling Friend does a little cussing and the old hand in the camera bit. The cameras follow a thoroughly dismayed Kristin all the way to the elevator. In the kiss and cry, Kristin says they made a BIG mistake. Call security. (Addendum: It looks like Simon was right, it was a put-on. Both the singer and her friend were put-ons sent by a radio station. The whole thing was a set-up.)

Tiffany Ballard - a cute young lady with a weird speech impediment. She sings “All By Myself” like she has been sentenced thusly. A definite no, she says it’s her first audition. The leaner, meaner Randy says she should make it her last!

Peyton Cross - Peyton, who is wearing my SHIRT, sings “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” like he’s singing about his planet of origin. Vamping shamelessly and never in tune, Simon says Peyton is “close to being the worst singer I’ve ever heard.”

Naquan Williams - certainly looked to challenge Peyton’s perch, and gave a horrendous “Ribbon In the Sky.” Simon said poor Naquan was to singing what “Randy Jackson is to modeling.” Not a compliment.

After a brief snippet of the song stylings of George Napolean (“bloody awful”), we get a montage of singers doing “A Whole New World,” a couple I thought were pretty good, others were dreadful.

We’re on an awful roll, and Robert Browning keeps it going with an awful, but spirited, “Do You Love Me?” It was so bad, it was almost cute. Simon was speechless before he could growl, “horrendous.”

Yuliya Johnson - tried out a spicy “Hot Stuff” (flubbing a couple of lines) and Simon rewards her with “absolute ghastly from start to finish.”

Laketa Booker - she’s a pretty girl in a pretty blue dress, and she sings a gospel-trained “Open Arms” to the delight of the judges. Paula, of all people, says she should work on the consistency of her pitch (whatever, there was nothing wrong with her pitch), but gives a thumbs up! Laketa (Pick to Click) is going to Hollywood!

Alan Ritchson - has heartthrob (and earlier said he was so nervous, he thought he’d throw up) looks that immediately got Paula’s attention. Simon thanked him for making her smile, and he and Randy allow Paula a solo audition with the stud. Alan gives a surprisingly strong “You Are The Sunshine of My Life” and the boys end the audition before Paula is impregnated! She doesn’t want to let the lad the leave! Randy tells him to “chill on the runs” but Alan is going to Hollywood! Somewhere, Justin Guarini is fuming.

To the camera, Simon says he tries not to laugh during the auditions (doesn’t seem like he’s been trying too hard this year!), but Danny Parker’s audition did him in, “I tried thinking of drowning puppies, Paula naked, Randy naked, but I went!”

Danny Parker - sang “God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You” (hate those long titles!) in a monotone dirge that broke Randy up, and that seemed to spur Simon on. They both apologize and claim they were thinking about the audition before. Paula asks for another song, and Randy gasps. Danny moans into “Crazy” and they are all undone. In the kiss and cry, Danny says he couldn’t concentrate with the laughing and wants a public apology. (They did apologize, dude!)