'Til Death Do Us Part: Carmen and Dave, Episode 1 – Strangely Romantic

This is the very first episode of the very first season of 'Till Death Do Us Part: Carmen and Dave. I'm so excited, everything is so brand new. So virginal. This is a show heretofore untouched by recappers, offering itself to us. It is warm in here? I'll kill the metaphor before anyone else becomes strangely aroused.

To be honest, I was kind of hoping this show would suck. Let's face it, the lamer the show, the easier it is to recap – they write themselves. This show, however, was a pleasure to watch. I don't know if this is the beginning of a long love affair with the program that will restore some of my faith in MTV, or if it's just a torrid one-night stand of television watching for which I won't be able to sustain passion. We'll have to wait and see if it earns my loyalty or I kick it out in the morning with cab-fare and an insincere promise to call...

That metaphor refuses to die. Sorry.

The show begins with Carmen discussing wedding preparations and how at first they seemed so simple – just some family and friends, but now she's wishing they'd just eloped. With that we head into the opening credits. I wish I had the words to describe the imagery to you, but my powers of description fail me. Suffice to say it rocks. It's a fairy tale theme where the beautiful heroine Carmen, picking flowers and communing with butterflies in a red and black bustier, meets a scary yet handsome hooded Dave in the woods. The tattoo on his chest is revealed to be a C. E. so they fall in love and live happily ever after. The closing shot is of a headstone with their names on it. Strangely romantic, isn't it?

Carmen and Dave interview about how they met three years ago on a blind date, but it wasn't really a blind date since Dave had internet access and certainly hit a few Carmen web sites in his time. She also had checked him out beforehand and knew he was great looking. That does take some of the surprise and potential horror out of a blind date, but it was a cute story nonetheless. Dave says that they slept together on the first date and Carmen counters by saying no, it was the third date. The first night was their blind date, the second date they went to a movie and made out for the first time, and the third date they, as Dave so eloquently put it, "Hit that sh*t. F**king hit that sh*t. And it was gooood." Awww... that sweet-talking man. She returns the compliment, saying he wasn't so bad himself. To continue the timeline of their relationship, they fell in love, moved in together, and are now getting married. The wedding is set to take place close to the day they met three years ago.

In other news: he will be leaving for two months, as he's touring Europe, and she has various projects to keep her busy. According to Dave, Carmen will be working on two TV series, two movies, calendars, the web site, her phone sex operations... she is a busy girl! Not too busy to give him a playful shot in the arm for the phone sex crack, though.

Throughout that interview Dave is wearing a t-shirt that reads, "Talentless but connected." Better than being talentless and unconnected. I should know.

They decide to get a wedding planner to help them with the preparations, but Dave says it just complicates things more. Don't you love it when people you pay to be helpful end up increasing your stress level? I am firmly on the side of the groom in this. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I spent the greater part of today planning my own upcoming wedding and, somewhere between hiring the photographer and trying to decide on the cake, I had a nervous breakdown that was spectacular in its scope.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the wedding planner, err I mean Event Producer according to the screen. We get to meet her when they take us back three months in time. Her name is Randie Pellegrinie and she seems very soothing. I would think that would be necessary in her profession. Wedding planners deal with crazier people than psych techs at a hospital for the criminally insane.

Dave asks her what kind of vibe she sees for the wedding – what kind of energy? Shouldn't she be asking them that? She sees the ceremony as a time to show off the classical side of Carmen. Carmen laughs that that's a side most people haven't seen; they are more familiar with her trailer trash side. Mocking herself and her image – now that's the way to become America's sweetheart. Carmen tells Randie that they have some travel issues in that some members of the family are afraid to fly, so they will be renting a trailer or a van to drive out. Dave wants to get them rooms at The Bel-Air Hotel just because it would be so awesome to see a trailer pull up there. Randie asks if they want to have a rehearsal dinner. Dave asks why, as he already knows how to eat - but sure, he'll give it another try. Both the ladies crack up, as do I.

He makes it easy to see why Carmen fell in love with him.

The dog comes in and Carmen tells Randie that the pup has social anxiety. See? Weddings make everyone nervous.

They talk about flowers, tuxes, and the bridal registry. Dave says he wants to register at a bank. Beats the heck out of walking around Marshall Fields with a registry scanner in hand. They talk about dresses, suits, the bachelor party, times and dates, the venue, and catering. They tell Randie they want a joint bachelor/bachelorette party. Since when do wedding planners do those? I always thought that was, by tradition, the job of the groom's most drunken buddy and the bride's sluttiest girlfriend. Dave tells her they want strippers of both genders, but Carmen thinks male strippers are disgusting. I'm with her. I have never seen the point of paying men to take their clothes off. Not like it's exactly a challenge to get one to do it for free.