The Bachelorette 2, Episode 2: Oh, the Carefree, Metrosexual Days of Studio 54

You’re probably wondering what the title of this recap is about. Well, this week’s recap is going to focus primarily on fashion – namely Meredith’s. I’m taking issue with some of the things she’s been wearing of late and, well… I’m not taking it anymore.

But first some viewer mail…

Lynn wrote in to tell me that Chad signed a BASEBALL contract not a basketball contract as I previously stated. Well more’s the pity for me for not reading things as carefully as I should have because she is, in fact, correct. Chad signed a baseball contract but with his height I was just stuck on the basketball part of it all. Oh well, what can you do?

Also, MANY of you wrote in because I gave conflicting top five picks with Lanny, causing all of the confusion. Okay…so let me see if I can pick five now and make everyone happy… I’m going with Lanny, Rick, Ian, Chad, and a person to be determined later. Maybe one of the Ryans. Can we do like in horseracing where you can place one bet and you’re really betting on like nine horses (or something like that)? I mean, can I just put down a blanket Ryan or will you loyal (and patient) readers force me to actually choose one of them?

So anyway…on with the recap shall we???

Now last week, we had the mysterious white rose presented to Rick, which meant that he got the first one-on-one date this week. Now, normally this is group date week which means that we get to see her go on three dates with five sets of guys. Because of the mysterious White Rose of Death (okay so no one is really going to die but it just sounds better than calling it simply the white rose), that means that the three dates will consist of her private date with Rick, and then two dates with SEVEN guys. Now, normally scenes of seven men and one woman are something that can only be found in seedy video stores, and given the stripper thing going on during Ryan and Trista’s bachelor/ette parties…well would we put ANYTHING past Mike Fleiss?

Smitty is at the men’s house, and of course I wonder if they had black widow spiders and destroyed property as well, considering the owners of the Bachelor 4 house sued the producers for extensive property damage. He tells the men about the new dating arrangements, and you can just tell that some of them are not happy about it at all. Of course the men don’t get the pretty boxes that the women get, and part of me thinks that the men are getting gypped by not getting the boxes with the nice gifts. I mean, men can have their fantasy dates, too, ya know. (And I don’t mean sick twisted perverted fantasy dates either.)

With that the video is popped into the VCR, and there’s Meredith holding a helmet telling Matthew, Chad, Ryan M., Marcus, Brad, Sean, and Harold that they are going to go on a date that involves speed and heights. Okay, speed? Drugs on this show already? I mean, I thought this was supposed to be a clean, family program and here she is talking about shooting up. Sigh. And what’s with the motorcycle helmet?

Okay, so I’m being a smart ass here (no surprise to my loyal readers, I’m sure) but let’s talk about that kiss she threw at the end. I swear it looked like she was practicing for when Jim Lange was going to have them throw a “Groovy Kiss” to the audience at the end of The Dating Game. Maybe if she had the helmet on her head it would have been hot or cool or something but it just looks kinda dorky to me. But that’s just me.

With that, the men start to get ready for their date, and you know you’re not going to make a good impression on the men when one of them has to comment that you’re late. That’s right. Meredith didn’t show up for the date on time. Maybe there was traffic. Maybe she fell and stained her original outfit. Maybe another relative died and they had to try to get it on camera again, because it just can’t be a show with Meredith without at least one of her family members croaking on her.

Well finally, she arrives and all I have to say is about time. She looks okay and you know she’s toned it down just a bit since she’s going to be outside with the guys on her date. They all climb into their huge limo (one of the large Hummer cum SUV style limos) and get taken to a set of helicopters. Now all of the men seem to climb aboard without any hesitation and part of me wonders what went on behind the scenes. Did one of them refuse to get on unless they were in the same copter with Meredith? Well Chad seems to really enjoy the fact that he’s sitting right next to Meredith for this excursion. I think Meredith is turned off by Chad’s cologne, because it looks like she’s gonna puke.

Note to self: Learn what cologne Chad wears and make sure I never buy it.

So the helicopters land on this big open clearing where there are eight all terrain vehicles lined up – seven in green for the guys and Meredith in the red one. For a second, I thought the show had shifted into an episode of Celebrity Mole: Yucatan with that color scheme. On they climb, and off they ride, having a load of fun. I have to admit, that it does sound like a lot of fun, and I would consider doing it, but I would be scared for the other people I was with considering I’ve only driven a car twice in the past six or seven years.

Now, at the end of the ride, Matthew comes over and starts to wipe the mud off of Meredith’s face which really isn’t that bad of a move to get some attention. But for me, it was just reminiscent of all of those times that our mothers dipped the napkin into a glass of water to clean our face at the end of a meal or something really obnoxious like that. At least he didn’t use his tongue. Now, if this was an episode of The Bachelor and this happened, the women would all have jumped in at some point to clean his face. But these men are just way too polite, and just let him do it while they just kick the dirt off of their shoes with an “Aw, shucks,” look about themselves.

Now… it’s hard to explain what this next set-up is because it looks like someone has dropped my Cousin Jeff’s double-wide trailer in the middle of the desert and then had Vern from Trading Spaces come in to give it a major makeover so it resembled one of those movie star trailers that Tom Cruise gets to relax in after a tough day on the set. Now, in conjunction with the trailer, there’s this other little building that is full of pillows and blankets and again, I’m getting dirty movie images again. That and Moroccan restaurants. I know… how the hell did I put those two together from that one scene? I dunno, but at least I didn’t say a porn scene set in a Moroccan restaurant.