American Idol 3, January 27: Boys vs. Girls

Last episode, the horrors of Houston were unveiled, as only 13 auditioners, out of thousands, made the cut. That disappointment has carried through to Los Angeles in the form of two very cranky, and one sick, judge.

Los Angeles, says Ryan Seacrest, is the fourth stop in the great search for America’s best undiscovered talent. There were 10,000 auditioners who were finally let in to the Rose Bowl, but the ladies room had no electricity. So the girls used the boys room. It’s all about sacrifices, isn’t it? We see some actual footage of the “cattle call” auditions, and we get to see Simon ignoring Ryan’s chiding at Simon’s routine lateness.

Simon showed up late to be treated to Jimmy Lin’s growling “We Will Rock You,” Nargiza Mirzayeva’s lyrically incorrect (“when the moon is in a separate house”?) and vocally inept “Age of Aquarius,” and Daniel Lee’s sputtering “Blue Moon.” Simon says they were in a bad mood by the time they got to L.A., and he thinks it showed. That was something akin to remorse for Simon!

Nicole Crook, Mom and seven month-old in tow, gives a startlingly ordinary “Fever.” Simon and Randy are bit more harsh than they have to be, maybe that’s the bad mood showing. Nicole asks if it was “THAT bad?” She is told “dreadful” and “horrible,” which she wasn’t, but she clearly wasn’t good enough. A tearful Nicole laments the time wasted.

There are more tears as Simon and Randy’s casualties take a minute to vent through tears on camera.

Bao Viet Nguyen - is the product of parents who escaped from Indo-China. Daddy Nguyen tearfully wishes his son more success with the American Dream than they had. Bao Viet sings “Lately” with a pure tunefulness that is refreshing in this age of endless runs. Simon says he is “very good” and “pure” (I said it first!). Randy emphatically agrees to Hollywood and away he goes! He’s also a Pick to Click (for the uninitiated, I choose certain contestants that I think have a real shot at the Top Ten, but anything can happen in the Hollywood rounds, so these are not meant to be gospel).

Simon says he thought Bao Viet was good and he was hopeful that things were going to turn around for L.A. Spoke too soon.

Naomi Jones gives a spittle-flying mountain-huge “My Way” with a disinterested dog by her side, and leads the way to a montage of horror.

Matt Rogers - he’s the last audition of the day and says he has everything an American Idol needs: baby face, receding hairline, belly, got ‘em! Matt confidently introduces himself and belts an impressive “Just Once” as his older brother eavesdrops. He’s impressed! Simon says “big man, big voice.” He’s going to Hollywood! He’s also got personality, if he reins in the cockiness, America could love him, so he’s a Pick To Click!

Next morning, Simon and Randy say they are hopeful for a better day. Enter...

Tomomi Tamura sings a “Get Here” full of enunciation problems. Randy finds the “you can reach me by hairy plane” especially poignant.

Jasmine Artega - is a little person, her mom says she is fearless. Jasmine sings a surprisingly powerful “I Turn To You” and the boys are momentarily speechless (you can tell they are thinking, “can we let a little person through?”), but Simon says, “you’re very good, but you know that.” Jasmine is going to Hollywood! It was the right call.

Dreah Hancock - says she likes to bring things back to another period, as one can tell by her dress. She is asked what she would do with the million dollars if she wins, Dreah unabashedly gushes over the idea of a pink Mustang. Simon likes the honesty. He likes her rendition of “Almost Like Being In Love” even better. Simon says, “you’re unique, you stand out, you’re in!” She does have unique tone, and a pleasing one. I’m gonna go on a limb, because I think she can do almost anything in a very distinctive way. Good song choices and a little luck will have to happen, but I’ll make her... A Pick To Click!

Rodrigo Cortes - a strapping young buck is about to learn a very important life lesson. He sings a reasonable “Isn’t She Lovely,” though his pitch is hanging on for dear life a couple times, but he looks like he’s getting through. Simon says, “not bad.” Mistake number one, Rodrigo fishes for more, “not bad?” Simon snarls, “it was okay, what do you want me to say?”

Then Rodrigo is asked what he would do with a million dollars. Rodrigo launches into an utterly insincere campaign speech. It’s like he’s running for Miss America! Simon says no. Ouch! Rodrigo tearfully confesses he will be wondering about that “one question” for the rest of his life. Probably so. The lesson to be learned here is: be honest. Don’t say what you think somebody wants to hear, it’s just like lying.

Ryan tells us it’s 4 PM, and not a single male has advanced. A few of the guys plead for Paula’s return. Paula says she finds it curious, but Simon says the girls were talented, the boys were not.

To prove that point, Joey Wong delivers a tortured “How Am I Supposed To Live Without You?” (note: no one should ever audition with that song, it was horrible when Laura Branigan did it, it was horrible when Michael Bolton did it!). Milton Ocampo gives the baw-baw-baw version of “Blue Moon” (not a winning one), and Michael Recon sings “Ain’t No Mountain” like a sheep caught in a bear trap! The judges don’t even respond, and Michael correctly reasons, “I guess that’s a no, then...”