The Osbournes, Season 3, Episode 2: Hit the Road, Jack

I mentioned last week that Sharon’s daytime talk-show was “on the fence,” and although I assumed that the ratings would keep the show on for some time, the syndicate decided on January 29 to cancel the show. The official word is mixed on the cancellation – Sharon defiantly stated that she requested to leave the show so she could attend to Ozzy during his recovery from the ATV accident; meanwhile, the Tribune states that the syndicate cancelled the show due to low ratings. Either way, everyone appears to be happy that it is over. New episodes should continue to air until sometime this spring or summer, from all reports on the topic.

With little else to report on the Osbournes front in the news, we’ll step right over into this week’s recap of an episode entitled “Car Jacked.”

The episode opens with Jack and Sharon at the house discussing Kelly’s trip to the MTV Awards in Europe. Sharon is upset that Christina Aguilera was throwing darts at a picture of Kelly (it wasn’t quite clear if this was part of the program or something backstage, but it appears to have been a “comedy” moment in the program itself). Jack, while picking his nose, reminds Sharon that Kelly had called Christina an (bleep) several times. Sharon pauses for a moment, smiles, and then counters with, “Yeah, well, nothing’s wrong with that.”

After the opening credits, we see Melinda and Sharon ordering a cake for Jack’s 18th birthday. While they’re in the room, two people arrive with Jack’s present – a black BMW, with a big red bow on it (bow considered an extra, not part of normal dealer’s pricing… sorry, little joke there). Melinda and Sharon love the car and think Jack will love it as well when he sees it.

A skip in time takes us to another part of the house, as Kelly and Sharon discuss the Aguilera incident from the MTV Awards. Kelly appears not to be so upset over the dartboard picture as she was with Aguilera’s reaction, which according to Kelly was, “Oh, you can dish it out, but you can’t take it.” Kelly seems confused by the comment since Kelly had treated most of the earlier reactions of Aguilera as a bit of a joke, but her pride is obviously hurt by Aguilera’s accusation. Sharon switches the subject to Jack’s car and Kelly thinks it is nice. Sharon doesn’t consider that a very strong opinion on the car and wants more from Kelly. This upsets Kelly more than anything Aguilera could have ever thought of, and Kelly retorts that Jack is a “really poor driver.” As most mothers do when it comes to their sons, Sharon refuses to believe it.

Jack comes home and instantly falls in love with the car. He starts it up as a proud Mom looks on. He then jokes that he’ll drive it down to Mexico and “get a hooker.” They go back into the house and, upon seeing his father, Jack tells Ozzy that he loves the car. Ozzy is happy that Jack is thrilled with the BMW.

Skipping along, we next see Jack and Kelly discussing (once again) the Aguilera incident. Kelly mentions that she told Aguilera that she couldn’t understand why someone with her fame and fortune would be still so riled up over some comments she made. The audience is probably in agreement at this point and one can only hope this is the last we’ll have to hear about Aguilera on the show, unless MTV suddenly decides to team Kelly and Christina up in a new, wacky version of The Odd Couple (and, I wouldn’t put it past them, to be honest).

Jack starts riffing about getting a pirate tattoo, which ticks off Kelly (again, in a way that Aguilera could never do) for some reason, and she comments that the tattoo on Jack’s being some type of Tibetan symbol for oral sex (to put it in milder terms than Kelly did on the show). Jack decides to have a slap-fight with Kelly, and once he pins her on the floor, starts ranting, “’It’s my birthday and I can do what I want.’ I think you said that, Kelly’” He is of course referring to an earlier incident seen last season where Kelly got out of control on her birthday and kept repeating that statement over and over again. As can be here, Kelly is not thrilled about being reminded of the incident.

A girl who looks to be 14 comes into the house and sneaks up to Jack’s room. It’s not an intruder, but rather Jack’s personal assistant, Amanda. She tries waking him up, but does little to get him started, so she heads back downstairs. A quick cut shows Jack telling the camera about having a personal assistant and what she does for him – which, as the montage presented shows, seems to be a lot of taking verbal abuse from Jack and holding his hand to guide him to doing things. It’s not a very flattering look at Jack, to be honest.

They are next seen going over that day’s schedule. Jack decides that he wants to spend time first attempting to parallel park in order to get in shape for his upcoming driving test. Amanda goes with him and they find what at first appears to be a quiet street for Jack to attempt parking between two cars.