Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Inferno, Episodes 1 & 2: Out Of the Frying Pan...

Acapulco. We’ve got sun, sand, and women in bikinis. They’ve got their tops on... MTV only exposes stuff like that for special occasions. Anyway, the Road Rules team gets on a boat. Naturally, Abram is pumped. Some kid named Jeremy introduces himself. Once again: he was the guy who replaced Donell on Road Rules South Pacific, taking part in three missions. Seriously, why is he here? "There's $300,000 to win," he interviews. "I'll take that, thank you very much." Shots of the Real World and RR logos, followed by “$300,000 Challenge."

Real World Boat. You'll be happy to know that Mike now has a red Miz shirt. Yeah, whatever. Ace tells the others he can build a birdhouse out of popsicle sticks. He introduces himself, telling us that he's competitive. "I don't care if I'm playing tiddlywinks," he continues, "or if it's the last game of the season. I am all over it and I want to win." Trishelle updates us on her relationship with Mike: there isn't one. They broke up shortly after The Gauntlet. "Trishelle and I broke up because Trishelle doesn't know how to have a boyfriend," Mike snipes. "She thinks the world revolves around her." Since she's on this show and The Surreal Life, I think she might be justified in thinking that.

Road Rules Boat. Darrell is wearing a wig and fake teeth, joking about sending the women out. Like it isn't hard enough to understand half of what he says without the fake teeth. He introduces himself, saying he's back to whup RW ass. Veronica jokes about getting along with the others. She interviews, "I think it would be smart of me to be a good girl and stay out of some little romantic thing while I'm here." Naturally, there's a flashback of her and Abram in the shower. Ick. Timmy jokes about how people are going to get burned, and not by the sun. Abram: "You put this many people into one awesome house in Acapulco... it's gonna get evil!"

Credits. The credits are a bit of a letdown this time around. The good news is that the theme song is performed by Yellowcard, an up-and-coming band. I mean, do you see Midtown or Ill Kid being in the MTV2 rotation? The bad news: the credits are basically Dave Mirra riding his bike past the players. That's it. No wackiness, no playful slapping, nothing.

Dave jumps a fountain. Jeremy and Shane are on the roof, smiling at us. Dave whizzes by them. Dave goes down the stairs, past David and Trishelle. For some reason, David is listed as "Dave." Mr. Mirra scoots by CT (labeled as "Chris") and Leah right before they kiss. They just wink at the camera. Dave jumps a couch, nearly hitting Abram. He and Veronica turn around and smile. Dave passes the pool, where Mike and Coral are wading. Dave slams on the brakes, narrowly hitting a car. Syrus opens a car door for Julie to get out. They were in the video for Eminem's "Without Me," so it fits. Dave doubles back. Cut to Ace giving Mallory a rose. Fans of The Bachelor can make their own joke. Dave jumps the fountain again. Katie and Holly squeeze Christena between them, Another fountain jump. Everybody's dancing. Timmy looks like he's having fun. Why is he alone? He's too funny to be alone. More dancing. Kendal backs into Darrell. Dave jumps his bike onto the stage where Yellowcard plays. Quick highlights. Title. So underwhelmed.

Back to the RW boat. CT introduces himself, telling us that his relationship with his roommates has gotten better. Flashback to the time where he threatened to "work" Adam before shoving him. CT insists he's changed, adding, "I don't put myself in situations I really don't need to be in." Then why are you on this Challenge? The RW kids jump off the boat, toasting themselves and cheering.

RR boat. Katie interviews about not getting along with her teammates last season. "I don't hate anyone," she adds. "There's just people I don't care for particularly, like Veronica." Cut to Katie screaming, invoking the Tragic White Girl Head Bob. Kendal introduces herself, saying that since Campus Crawl, she's been pursuing acting, and she needs the money.

On land, Leah and Mallory chat. Leah introduces herself, admitting that her behavior in Paris was unacceptable. Cut to her season, where she got into a major fight with her roommates. She continues, "I think I can take criticism a lot better now." Mallory introduces herself. She has spent a lot of time with Ace, and they're dating exclusively.

David and Syrus check out "the three horsemen," the younger males on their team. David introduces himself. Today, he's a mortgage broker, and he's going back to school for his MBA. His hair's changed a little, but the Boston accent is still there. Syrus introduces himself. He admits the need to prove himself to the kids. "I'm old enough to be their dads right now," he adds. The camera pans to Trishelle and Julie chatting. Already, I'm nauseous. Julie introduces herself; she's moved to Huntington Beach, California and started a band called The Swerve. She adds, "I'm going to win because I got kicked off my last Challenge FOR NO GOOD REASON!" Shut up, Avril. Nice black fingernails, by the way.

The RR Boat nears the dock. Darrell taunts Mike, while Abram flashes two middle fingers. Coral prays for Abram to fall off the boat. Jeremy hops off and gets to hugging. Abram carries Coral around. Holly introduces herself; since Battle of the Seasons, she's been working at an international consulting firm in Colorado. Coral hugs Shane. "We all getting along," Darrell babbles, "everybody's happy-go-lucky charm. Everybody happy to meet everybody. It's about to change."

A helpful local directs the kids to their pad. They goggle in obvious awe over their new digs. Katie says she's not going home. "It looks like something Jimmy Buffet would live in," Ace says, "so I'm absolutely in love with this house." Syrus figures it's "too damn pretty to be true." Julie gushes about the bidet to Syrus. Shane wheels his stuff in. He introduces himself; turns out he's gone back to school to study anthropology. Syrus carries Timmy's bags up the stairs. Timmy tells us he's from "Road Rules Season Dos: The Prehistoric Years" Today, he hosts Guts and Bolts on the History Channel. Coral freaks out as she spots a lizard. She jokes about feeling like a jackass for coming back, after she got bit by a spider last time. Mike tells us that Coral lost the final mission last time. Flashback to the finale, with Coral dying and Mike yelling at her. Not good times. Mike: "It was kind of an unfair way to lose." Christena introduces herself. "This isn't a vacation," she interviews. "This is about winning, and winning a huge prize."