The Surreal Life 2 Finale: Airing Their Dirty Laundry

We begin the final episode of The Surreal Life 2 as the celebs return from the nude resort they attended in last week’s episode. Erik says it’s good to be back “home.”

Ron and Traci are goofing around and Traci is holding his turtle. No, that’s not some cute euphemism – she’s really holding his turtle. The turtle poops and she asks how something so little could have something so huge… Before she finishes the sentence with “come out of its ass,” Ron interrupts to say people say the same thing about him. Heh.

Later, Traci is on the phone with John, her fiancé. As you recall, he didn’t want her going naked at the nude resort. So she claims she got in the nude resort hot tub with her clothes on. Well, except her skirt. Hmmm. Now, see, most of us would probably consider taking your skirt off to mean you did not have your clothes on! But hey, we also probably don’t think that cooking a parrot makes it into a turkey, like Traci does.

Anyway, she goes on to say nobody could see anything. To prove her wrong, producers show us her with a blurred area. John does not sound happy. He says that basically, she was with Ron Jeremy in a hot tub naked. Traci understates that he was upset.

Then Traci finds somebody she can take her anger out on. She overhears Vanilla Ice in the “Dirty Laundry Room” – or confessional area – talking about her. She describes what he says as her being materialistic, talking about her diamond ring, etc. She goes into her bedroom to complain to Trishelle and Ron. She says he’s two-faced and a coward, and that hehas so much anger. Irony, thy name is Traci. She’s done with him.

As she’s going on about him, who should walk in? Yup, in comes Ice and he asks if she’s talking about him. Traci is ready to have a fight right there and then. She starts in on him and he tries to defend himself. She says he doesn’t know her and so how dare he say those things. He replies that he did say that her fiancé probably knows her for who she really is.

But now he’s upset and lets loose about how he is still mad from when she was on her vegetarian rampage and likened killing a turkey to twisting off his daughter’s head. He says eating a hamburger is not the same as his daughter. She defends herself by saying that turkeys have families too. Um… He can’t believe she’s still taking that position, but frankly both of them are so mad that neither is exactly rational. OK, so I’m not sure that Traci is ever rational. She then continues that even though she might occasionally get drunk, she’s never done the drugs he has and never tried to kill herself. Ouch, that’s cutting a bit deep, I think.

She goes on to say she is not materialistic. But if she wants to roll up in nice car, so be it, she’s a black woman and has busted her ass. Besides, he wants to buy the best stuff for his kids, right?

This time, the reference to his family apparently hits home and he says she’s right. Whoa. She looks stunned. She says that sometimes he says stupid stuff and he wishes he could take it back. He goes on to say that her fiancé is a very lucky man. Well, presuming they’re still engaged after he sees her behavior on the show. (That was me, not Ice.) She apologizes too. Now it’s suddenly a lovefest. Awwww.

Excuse me while I go throw up.

Time for the Surreal Times to arrive! Inside, it tells them they will be going shopping for gifts to give each other on their final night together. So off they go in their van to spend some time playing around and looking at gifts. We learn that Ron hates shopping, but then they’re right back in the van and on the way home.

They get back to find a bunch of cars at the house and realize they have guests. Uh oh. They go in and the living room has a stage, cameras, and an audience. In fact, they are now on a talk show set with Sally Jesse Raphael – and the show is called “Dirty Laundry.” Trishelle says she is not really a fan of Sally to begin with, and overall none of them look happy about this turn of events.

They are all brought on-stage and Sally begins in on Tammy. She asks Tammy if she ever thought she would be friendly with or sitting next to a porn star. Tammy says Ron is one of the nicest men she has ever met. Well, Sally can’t have that, so she tries to prod her into turning on Ron by asking if he represents everything she should be against. To help push her over the edge, Tammy is shown videotape of the party from the other night when Ron had his porn star friends over.

So, with these fresh pictures in Tammy’s mind, Sally starts again – doesn’t Ron represent immorality? Doesn’t she think she should stand up against him? But Tammy holds firm. She says he can be her friend even though she doesn’t understand him. He has the right to do what he does and she doesn’t have to watch it.

Obviously, things are not going the way Sally expected. She hits next with a question wondering what Tammy would say to the Moral Majority (I thought that group was gone by now). Tammy’s reply? “Suck it up.” Heh.

Ron chimes in to say that Tammy never once veered against her beliefs. He adds that if somebody ever tried to take her bible away, he’d kill ‘em. Whoa.

With one failure under her belt, Sally targets a new opponent – Traci. She says that Traci seems like a terribly sweet person, but wonders if there could be another Traci when the sun goes down. To buttress this assertion, we see some of Traci’s best drunken moments, including kissing, licking, getting naked, etc. Traci says there is another side of her that gets a little crazy. Erik say that after a few glasses of wine, there is Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde sort of thing that goes on. Traci says that’s just who she is, and Sally doesn’t have to like it. But Sally says that Traci’s fiancé should get all of her, not just one part. Traci retorts that he does.