The Littlest Groom, Episode 2: Race to the Altar?

Well we’re one week into The Littlest Groom and it’s already time for the finale. We begin this week right where we left off last episode, with Glen in the hot tub with the three average-sized women. The five remaining little women are upstairs in their bedroom… for the moment. Deciding that it wouldn’t be wise to leave Glen in the clutches of the three newcomers, the ladies quickly dress for some hot tub hijinks and head down to test the waters.

Maxie seems a bit hostile about the situation, and in interview Glen shows that he has a rather stellar grasp of the obvious as he speculates that it may be because of the entry of the new women. “She knew who her competition was and was in her comfort zone.” He asks about his hair and the ladies tell him that it’s gotten “spiky.” He speculates that he may look like a “Mini-Me Hugh Hefner” and they are quick to agree. “It’s not about how tall you are,” he informs us. “I’m like mayonnaise; you gotta spread me all around. I’m here to get to know each and all of them.” Before his ego allows his head to get so big that it knocks the women out of the hot tub, he takes the average-sized trio up to his room. They promptly step out on the balcony and wave down to the women still below. Mika watches the three “Average Ho’s” prancing and preening on the balcony for about a second and a half and decides to take matters into her own hands. She leads the charge upstairs and catches Glen sitting in the shower/sauna and he’s not alone. Undaunted, she steps right on in and joins the crowd. Leann debates it for a moment and decides against participating. “She’s (Mika) a little bit more aggressive than I am, she’s also a little bit younger than I am,” she tells us in interview, “and I don’t feel that aggression is good and I think she’s overdoing it a lot.”

Leann heads back to the bedroom and tells those who didn’t come to the shower room what is going on. Maxie asks her why she didn’t join in and Leann gets a bit more blunt about it. “I just had a good date with him today and I don’t need to lower myself like that.” Kaaren turns to Maxie and suggests, “You should go up there and ask for a one-on-one shower. C’mon! Be bold!” Leann briefly joins in to encourage the idea and Maxie, a bit jealous that Mika is getting attention, decides to “make my move.” Quicker than you can say “itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-yellow-polka-dot bikini,” she and Glen are lathering up. This water play may sound much more ribald than it truly is so I will make note here that all the ladies, as well as Glen, wore their bathing suits the entire time.

When she returns to the bedroom, the discussion gets serious. Maxie speculates that the average-sized women don’t appear to be truly interested in Glen. Kaaren follows the logical path…

Kaaren: You date average-sized guys, right? So what’s the difference of an average-size woman being interested in a little person?

Maxie: Guys usually like their girls to be shorter. I don’t know many guys that like to date girls that are like, six feet tall. I’m not gonna worry about it any more.

She has a point, but then again, I don’t know too many women who are into being a foot taller than their dates either. Isn’t the point of this entire series to show the importance of looking beyond the package a person comes in and accepting what is inside? Sure it’s fun to look at the George Clooneys and Salma Hayeks of the world, but ultimately we want someone of substance. Nobody wants to go through life with a person who is shallower than half a drop of water, right? If given the choice, wouldn’t you prefer someone who will grow with you and share opinions with you rather than someone who just looks like a trophy on your arm? Sure you would!

The preceding paragraph was paid for and jointly sponsored by the Spinsters In Need of Guys Loving Embraces and the Honorable Organization of Really Nerdy Youths. (S.I.N.G.L.E. and H.O.R.N.Y.)

Midnight passes, which in the realm of dating shows means it’s time for a party. The ladies gather in the downstairs dining area for a big slumber party. Glen soon follows, looking spiffy in black pajamas. Since nobody brought Twister, they resort to heavy drinking and card playing. Zoe sprawls on the floor showing so much cleavage that Glen could have planted a flag in there and claimed the territory for Spain. Extra security was quickly placed discreetly outside in case Justin Timberlake tried to burst in and relive one of his fonder memories. After an hour and a half, Maxie notices that something is missing. “Where are all the tall chicks?” she asks. Sure enough, Glen and the three average-sized women have vanished.

The scene cuts to another room, where Glen is informing the trio that there is another elimination coming in the morning and he wanted a chance to chat with each of them to get to know them better before making his decision. “You can learn a lot from conversation,” he tells us, “and that’s my plan.” We never get a chance to find out the specifics of his research however, because we are only shown very brief clips of him speaking with each of the three ladies in one-to-one conversations. He winds things up just after 3:30 am, according to the handy onscreen clock.

Five hours later everyone gathers in the Bouquet Room where it is announced that the group will be cut in half and four will be eliminated. Glen promises that it’s nothing personal.

“I’d like to present my first bouquet to a woman who is really sincere. I can tell she really enjoys life and I’m excited to get to know her further.” He gives the first bouquet to Leann.