The Bachelorette 2, Episode 6: Shut Up and Kiss Me

Hello, Bachelorette fans! I’m here to fill in for your usual recapper, the beautiful and talented C. Brian Devinney. Viruses have ravaged Brian’s computer, so I’ll be filling you in on Meredith’s latest romantic exploits. I don’t know for sure, but I suspect that turtles, angry about Brian’s comparison of Meredith’s appearance in turtlenecks to their noble species, may be behind the virus.

In the mansion, Meredith packs her bags for her overnight dream dates with Ian, Chad, and Matthew. She won’t be racking up the frequent flier miles, as all three dates are in Puerto Rico. She’ll meet Ian in Old San Juan, Chad in Isla Verde, and finally Matthew in Dorado. She says in an interview that she wants to learn more about the guys. Meredith tells us, “I’m not used to having feelings for three guys.”

Meredith meets Ian at an old fort in Old San Juan. She says in an interview that she wants to know how he feels about her. Ian is excited to see her, but I can’t help but be annoyed that he’s just wearing a t-shirt and shorts. I mean, the guy looks good, but couldn’t he have stepped it up a little? You’re on television, Ian! Wear a collared shirt! Anyway, the two of them have a great time flying kites outside the fort. Meredith says that she feels relaxed around him.

Kite flying over, Meredith and Ian relax on a blanket spread with about a million pillows. The pillows would actually make lounging around on the ground much more comfortable, so I must remember this idea for my next picnic in Puerto Rico. Ian says in an interview that he wants to open up more to Meredith. Well, the bottles of wine that I see beside them can only help. Ian asks Meredith what she’s worried about. She says that she’s not worried about anything but when she’ll see him next. Ian starts to question what she means by that, and Meredith tells him that she’s not a great communicator, so she says what she means. He should take her statements at face value. Ian kisses her and says, “See, that’s my form of communication.” In an interview, Ian says that it was nice to hear Meredith say that she’s not a great communicator, because he’s not either.

So, my friends, what does this scene tells us? Well, you can read it one of two ways. One is that Meredith’s downfall in her relationship with Bob on The Bachelor was that she was too shy, didn’t open up, and didn’t communicate well. With Ian, she has found a similar soul, and thus he is perfect for her. The other way you can read it (also known as the way I read it) is that the two of them have trouble talking to each other, don’t quite connect with each other, and so choose to avoid the issue by making out. Am I right? Time will tell.

That night, Ian meets Meredith for dinner at a beautiful old mansion where she is staying. A strange, filmy, giant, pink one-armed blouse is wearing Meredith this evening. Wow. That blouse has more personality than most of the guys Meredith rejected in the first round. Ian gives her a non-compliment by saying, “Hey, look at you,” which totally means, “That thing you’re wearing is really bizarre.” It’s a similar compliment to, “Well, that’s certainly different,” or, “Ooh, how colorful!” The blouse, Ian, and Meredith go to the balcony for drinks. Ian says that he wants to “iron out our expectations.” He asks Meredith where she wants to be at the end of their journey. She doesn’t know, because she didn’t expect to meet someone like him. Ian says that he likes to keep his private life private, and as a result, when and if he proposes to her, it will not be on TV. If he wants to keep his private life private, then why am I able to witness this conversation from the comfort of my couch? Anyway, Ian basically spells out for her that if she’s expecting to get an engagement ring from him at the end of the final show, she can forget it because it’s not gonna happen. Meredith says that she doesn’t want a ring just to have one. She’d much rather find love. It would be great to have both love and a ring, but love is more important. Ian says he’ll be very happy if he ends up with her.

I think this makes about forty times that Ian has told Meredith that he’s not going to propose to her on television. I bet the producers are hoping she picks one of the other guys so that they get their on-air proposal instead of some punk “promise ring” like Bob gave Estella last week. That promise being, “I promise to stay with you until Trista and Ryan’s wedding is over,” apparently.

After dinner, Meredith whips out the card inviting them to forgo their individual rooms to stay in the fantasy suite together as a couple. Meredith asks Ian if he wants to stay in the individual rooms, to which he responds, “Absolutely not – are you kidding me?” They go to the room, which is lovely and filled with candles. Ian pours champagne and toasts not holding anything back. In an interview, Meredith says that she and Ian understand each other. When she’s with him, she forgets everything else. Ian says that he’s confident she’ll give him a rose. He’s a little scared that everything happened so fast, and will be hurt if she doesn’t choose him.

Meredith meets Chad on a boat at Isla Verde. She says in an interview that she has some questions about his life. Those questions, no doubt are, “When are you going to get a job and move out of your mother’s house?” Meredith greets Chad and offers him a passion fruit mimosa. Laws, that sounds good. I bet you could drink a ton of those and just get silly. Chad says in an interview that he wants to be more romantic with Meredith. On the boat ride, they are indeed flirty, with plenty of kissing and hand-holding, but if you look closely, Meredith seems to initiate most of the affectionate contact.

As they get ready to meet for dinner, Meredith wonders how Chad will react to the romantic setting. Chad vows to step up the intimacy. The two of them cuddle on a couch and exchange a few pecks. Chad tells her that he wants them to have their “first romantic kiss,” and asks if that’s okay. Meredith says that he does not need her permission, and that if he wants to kiss her, he should just do it. She says that Chad is clearly uncomfortable, and he proceeds to make the situation worse by talking about it. He says that they can joke around together, they can talk about emotions, but that you can really tell a lot from a kiss. Chad is all talk and no action, and Meredith totally laughs at him. There may have been a time for that passionate kiss, but Chad realizes that the moment has passed.