Playing It Straight Preview: A Peek into a Million Dollar Closet

This Friday night, Fox television will try to woo viewers to its latest dating show with a twist, Playing it Straight. The show follows the now standard dating show format, but like the recently broadcast The Littlest Groom, there is a new slant on the proceedings that Fox hopes will draw a large audience.

Working under the assumption that you have somehow missed the previews and commercials for the program, let me give you an idea of what to expect. The show centers on a college student from Wisconsin. This student, Jackie, will be presented with a pool of 14 other young and attractive people. One by one the 14 will be eliminated until only one remains. That last person will be declared the winner and will (hopefully) be Jackie’s true love. If Jackie chooses wisely the couple will share a million dollar prize. If you have read the above paragraph and can’t discern whether Jackie is a man choosing from 14 women or a woman choosing from 14 men, you are beginning to get a hint of the big twist Fox has planned for the show.

Jackie, by the way, is female and she is choosing from among 14 eligible men. Some of the men, however, are gay. If Jackie selects a straight man the couple will indeed split the million bucks. If she mistakenly chooses a gay man as the winner, the man wins the entire million dollars and the relief of knowing he needn’t spend even one more minute with the financially destitute female he’s managed to trick. Jackie is told very early on that some of the men are gay and her strategy must immediately evolve from a search for true love to an attempt to salvage her share of the prize by making the right choices. She will not know how many of the men are gay, and neither will the viewers.

At the conclusion of each episode, Jackie will eliminate some of the men. Immediately after the elimination, those being sent home will disclose their orientation to both Jackie and the audience. The promos for the program invite the viewers to tune in and test their “gaydar.” Do you think you can separate the gay men from the straight men?

I’ve given this format a lot of thought – especially exploring my usual tendency to put myself in the contestant’s place and think about what strategy I would employ to keep myself from being eliminated. But this time I must admit that a million bucks does strange things to a lot of people morality-wise and I fear I’m no exception. I think if I were a contestant I would simply be myself – a nice and obviously straight man with a good sense of humor and a friendly demeanor. If I were fortunate enough to make it through and win the thing I would be thrilled. She would rush into my arms, the host would approach me with the check, and I would push poor Jackie to the ground, grab the nearest guy for a liplock and say, “sorry toots, you need to get all that icky estrogen away from me! I’m a man’s man all right! THIS man!” Let’s face it; a million dollars can buy enough Listerine to wash away the taste of that kiss and I’d still have enough left over to travel the country to find the right woman to “convert” me back to my heterosexual ways.

Of course, I’m certain the show’s attorneys made certain that they had that base covered in the contracts and that they stipulated that each man declare his orientation prior to the show, so the above would be out of the question. But doesn’t it make you wonder what those contracts looked like?

I _______ hereby do forswear that the party of the first part, from this point forward to be known as he-who-will-never-legally-marry-without-a-constitutional-ammendment, has been, currently is, and most likely will stay, a homosexual type dude. I also assert that the feminine form is a yucky thing that holds about as much allure and intrigue to me as a Novocain-free root canal.

I’m also hoping that the producers of the show chose a typically self-centered person as the centerpiece of the program because just once I’d like to see someone of that ilk taken down a peg. That may sound cruel, but it’s no less harsh than having a man fall head over heels in love as he stands in center field at Fenway Park, only to have his hopes dashed when he sees this woman of a lifetime walk off with a piece of beefcake-come-lately as recently occurred on Average Joe 2. Then again, hoping that a reality dating show will provide viewers with an education in morality or display the lesson that all mankind is one regardless of race, sex, orientation, or any of the other trivial things we wield to exalt ourselves over one another, reveals me to be far more of an optimist than I should probably admit.

Perhaps Jackie will turn out to be a sincere and wonderful young lady and she will actually find her Prince Charming. Stranger things have been known to happen. Perhaps by the time the premiere episode airs I will have lost some of my cynical edge and be able to relax and enjoy the show for what it really is – escapist entertainment that might provide a few laughs. A lot will depend on the contestants and the manner in which the producers allow the series to unfold. Regardless, I’ll be watching and faithfully reporting each of the good, bad, or ugly aspects of the personalities that play across my television screen each week. I do hope you will watch and then come on by here to read my recaps and comments on things and maybe share your own opinions with me. With a little luck we all may learn a little bit about ourselves before that million dollar bounty is handed out in the final episode.

Bruce Barker is the co-owner of Movie Boss – a free online game. He has also been writing about the entertainment industry for over 10 years with articles appearing in numerous publications including Box Office Magazine. You can contact him at bbarker57@yahoo.com.

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